My DD was injured at school, school want a meeting, what will happen?

[CupCakeForTheBirthdayGirl]

DD is 9, in Y4.

On Friday it was my DDs birthday and I put a small cupcake in her lunchbox*.

Another girl in the class, pushed DD off the bench thing making her bang her head and meaning DD was sent home. The girl also got DDs cupcake out of her of her lunchbox and ate it.

DD has told me but this hasn't been confirmed by school or the other girl, that the girl asked DD to swap the cupcake for a chocolate bar and DD said no because the school rules are you don't share or swap food/

For context both girls have an EHCP. I am friends with the other girls mum and she will not allow the school to apply for further funding for a 1-1 at lunchtime for her child – she’s told me this several times, she thinks a TA would hold her daughter back and she doesn’t want it, she also only allows a TA in core subjects at school (English and Maths). My DD doesn’t have 1-1 at lunchtime as the only help she would need would be with packaging or cutting up (when shes on hot dinners) but the lunchtime staff are aware she needs this help and it’s part of their job description. DD does have 1-1 in wordy subjects like English, History and Geography she also has help in a small group in other subjects which is funded by her EHCP.

DD was sent home from school, and I had to take her to A+E. For context DD is the youngest in the class (not the year though, 3 classes per year) but also the smallest in the entire year. She’s the size of your average 4-year-old. DD was ok, just had a bad nose bleed and sustained a concussion, due to her medical issues she was at risk of breaking her nose, or fracturing her cheek or eyesocket so had to go to for an X-ray.

School now wants a meeting with me tomorrow to discuss “going forwards” I’m terrified, they’ve always said I co-operate and they’ve never had issues with discussing things with me. I’m worried they’re going to say DD now needs lunchtime supervision, I’ll take it if they offer it but it does seem unfair DD is going to have to be supervised because the other parent won’t allow their child to be.

It's a mainstream state primary school, cofe if it makes a difference.

*This is as per school rules before anyone says anything - policy says “Please only give 1 of cake (slice of, cupcake or 1 packet of the prepacked mini cake bars), or 1 of chocolate bar (such as a penguin or 2 finger kitkat) or 2 biscuits (2 disgestive with or without chocolate on) or 1 packet of crisps. All products including sandwich fillings must be nut, peanut and sesame seed free” – it was a small cupcake with a small amount of icing.

I'm guessing that they want to tell you how they are going to protect your daughter and are trying to demonstrate that they are taking the incident seriously.

Many parents would be complaining if their child was injured so they may be trying to get you onside.

I would see the meeting as something positive. Certainly nothing for you to worry about.

I think you're jumping the gun.

A discussion going forwards could mean anything including the girl being moved to sit away from your dd at lunchtime.

Your dd is the victim here. A good school won't lose sight of that.

Hope your dd is ok and has managed to celebrate her birthday

oof, your poor dd.
hope she's ok now.

tbh I would see it as an opportunity to discuss more 1:1 help. possibly for both children. if the normal school lunch staff is not enough to keep either child safe then more help is needed.

“Just aconcussion and a nose bleed”? 😳

Glad it wasn’t anything serious then!

It’s a tough one because at that age they can fall/get knocked over very easily.

I would think about what you want to happen.
Ask DD how she feels about this girl.
I have lost count of how many times mine got knocked over at school.

I agree with others that you are jumping the gun a bit.

Though if she is 9 and the size of a 4 yo it clearly puts her more at risk if there is a violent child in the class.

I'd be going into that meeting asking the school how they were going to keep my child safe in future and prevent her from being attacked.

And that would be my automatic assumption about the meeting, why are you thinking it won't be that?

Personally I wouldn't go in with this attitude OP, just go to the meeting and see what they say. If neither child has 1-1 support at lunchtime then there is probably not enough lunch time staff to properly supervise. Teachers/TA's have to have a break and many schools struggle to recruit lunchtime supervisors due to low pay and only needed them for an hour a day. Maybe they will suggest 1-1 support but I would see that as a good thing for you DD.

Yes my assumption would be that they were going to be telling me how they will keep my child safe! I would be furious if my child ended up with a concussion and nose bleed and on her birthday of all things, so I would be asking them what measures they intend to take so this child doesn't harm my child again.

The base assumption when child is assaulted at school to the point of a hospital visit would be to organise a meeting as a bare minimum- take a list of questions. Top one being how can you guarantee my child’s safety at lunch time going forward?

I would go and listen to what they say. Take notes if it helps. Don't say anything until they have finished. If they ask you to start the conversation, refuse politely and ask them what the purpose of the meeting is for. I'm not saying be obstructive, but you do need to find out what's planned if anything. There's good advice up thread about safety concerns. To be honest, I think the school is probably horrified that your daughter has been injured and are keen to avoid it happening again. They absolutely cannot talk about other children and how they will deal with them specifically but they should give you guidance about how they will look after your daughter. I hope it goes well. If decisions are made, follow up in writing by email

Is this typical of the other child's behaviour, or is it something unusual for her?

Big difference between having an EHCP for autism with challenging behaviour, for instance, and a kid with dyslexia who has had a spectacularly bad day and made bad choices - but it's out of character for them.

Exactly. As this girl has been violent, I would have thought the school need to do some kind of risk assessment to see if she needs a 121. Not that you’ll be privy to this.

Does your friend yet know what her dd did? I’d be mortified in her place as her decision not to have a 121 at lunchtime led to her dd harming your dd and you needing to seek urgent medical assistance.

@Luxell934 I agree.

I would see the meeting as an opportunity to plan for the future to meet the needs of your dd. If the other girl’s mother isn’t amenable to more support for her child, they might have to consider how to best deploy the support they already have.

@IBetGordonRamsayDoesntHaveTheseProblems The other child is known to be imupulsive and violent, it's not the first time DD has borne the brunt of it but it's not just DD the other girl targets it's everyone in the class.

I know from talking to the girls mum that she does not want any further funding for 1-1 hours at all, she's dead against it and school cannot apply for it or change the EHCP without the mums permission.

I agree with this. Concussion is serious.

school cannot apply for it or change the EHCP without the mums permission.

Are you sure about that? I don't see why that should be true, if they can evidence a need.

Agree with pps. I think you're being called in so they can apologize profusely for not keeping your daughter safe and to promise they will in future (they are probably imagining that you will be making an official complaint to that end and are trying to head you off at the pass)
Also agree that when/if they say this, you should ask them how.

Hope your daughter is OK.

@TeenDivided Not sure about in this individuals case but when we've had EHCP review meetings school and the council have told me they cannot apply any changes to it unless I agree to each one, I always have agreed thats why they know I will co-operate and they can have a discussion with me.

I know the other parent well, we used to work together pre-DDs and are friends because of that. She does not want any changes to her DDs EHCP, she's told me this.

DD is fine, I bought her an extra large cupcake after we'd been to a+e to make up for it and jokingly told her to ask the HT to pay for it.

She was very sleepy on Friday but went to her dads yesterday (should of gone on Friday) and stayed overnight and he's bought her back a bit earlier but she seems fine, just got a big bruise and a tiny cut inside her nose where her blood vessel burst (common with her coniditon).

I'm not minimising what happened but in the grand scheme of things given DDs condition it could have been a lot worse.

I think they may be doing g it to protect themselves too. I hope she's OK

Your daughter got a concussion at school through no fault of her own! They probably want to be sure you won't sue!

Presumably they'll put more pressure on the other mum after this, if she tells you I'd consider being blunt and telling her that your DD got a concussion. Of course the school want more supervision, next time the parents might be litigious.

I’m not trying to be unkind or anything but your attitude is striking me as a little odd OP.

The injuries you describe are pretty serious, I would be utterly furious if my child obtained similar - yet you’re being very relaxed about it, almost to the point of minimising, and talking as if it was a minor graze or something. She was concussed!!!

Also you sound worried that the school is going to be upset with you, worried about being hauled in or something. Your daughter got concussed on their watch - any parent would be up in arms and absolutely hauling them over the coals about how they will safeguard the child in future. I’m baffled that not only do you not seem at all cross and fired up for how to advocate for your child at this meeting - instead you seem worried that you’ll be in trouble or something?!

This.
Turn things around and let them know how concerned you are that DD was hurt and do they intend to do about it.

Poor DD. To be honest, it may be best to go in and be clear that while accidents happen, this is unacceptable. Although DD is the victim, the other girl is being let down by a lot of people here. Schools can report welfare concerns through neglect of SEN pupils and this may well be in the other child’s best interest as well as your DD’s.