My DD was injured at school, school want a meeting, what will happen?

[CupCakeForTheBirthdayGirl]

DD is 9, in Y4.

On Friday it was my DDs birthday and I put a small cupcake in her lunchbox*.

Another girl in the class, pushed DD off the bench thing making her bang her head and meaning DD was sent home. The girl also got DDs cupcake out of her of her lunchbox and ate it.

DD has told me but this hasn't been confirmed by school or the other girl, that the girl asked DD to swap the cupcake for a chocolate bar and DD said no because the school rules are you don't share or swap food/

For context both girls have an EHCP. I am friends with the other girls mum and she will not allow the school to apply for further funding for a 1-1 at lunchtime for her child – she’s told me this several times, she thinks a TA would hold her daughter back and she doesn’t want it, she also only allows a TA in core subjects at school (English and Maths). My DD doesn’t have 1-1 at lunchtime as the only help she would need would be with packaging or cutting up (when shes on hot dinners) but the lunchtime staff are aware she needs this help and it’s part of their job description. DD does have 1-1 in wordy subjects like English, History and Geography she also has help in a small group in other subjects which is funded by her EHCP.

DD was sent home from school, and I had to take her to A+E. For context DD is the youngest in the class (not the year though, 3 classes per year) but also the smallest in the entire year. She’s the size of your average 4-year-old. DD was ok, just had a bad nose bleed and sustained a concussion, due to her medical issues she was at risk of breaking her nose, or fracturing her cheek or eyesocket so had to go to for an X-ray.

School now wants a meeting with me tomorrow to discuss “going forwards” I’m terrified, they’ve always said I co-operate and they’ve never had issues with discussing things with me. I’m worried they’re going to say DD now needs lunchtime supervision, I’ll take it if they offer it but it does seem unfair DD is going to have to be supervised because the other parent won’t allow their child to be.

It's a mainstream state primary school, cofe if it makes a difference.

*This is as per school rules before anyone says anything - policy says “Please only give 1 of cake (slice of, cupcake or 1 packet of the prepacked mini cake bars), or 1 of chocolate bar (such as a penguin or 2 finger kitkat) or 2 biscuits (2 disgestive with or without chocolate on) or 1 packet of crisps. All products including sandwich fillings must be nut, peanut and sesame seed free” – it was a small cupcake with a small amount of icing.

so the same kid who injured your daughter last time done it again but apprently your dd needs 121 not her

no i wouldnt be having that

Hi op, I’ve read your posts but not others. The school is looking for protect your dd and I agree they want 1-1 for your dd as the other parent is refusing. I would now argue that your child is getting hurt due to this other child and therefore this needs to be taken further.

1-1 would be good for your dd but your dd and her friends know if she’s hurt out in the playground then they can find an adult to help her. If she’s not regularly falling over or having other children hurt her then the problem lies with this one individual child. The school now need to be firmer with the other parent about her child hurting others. I would push for another meeting and ask how the school aim to stop this, if they are suggesting they wouldn’t intervene with her playing then are they steering the two children away from each other? How close would the 1-1 be to your dd and what would actually stop this other child from hurting your dd as she can still run over and push/ hit/ throw before an adult intervenes.

I would ask that a member of staff is put in place to carefully watch the other child and ensure she does not repeat this. The TA doesn't need to be velcroed to either girls side so needn't stop anyone developing independence. Just a careful eye to intervene quickly if it looks like she will hurt anyone.

If you are firmly opposed to your DD having a 1:1, I would suggest writing a email that states that you do not consider that your child has SEN that requires special educational provision in the form of 1:1 to support at lunchtime, consistent with the OT/EP/SaLT advice. Therefore you do not support the provision being put in place and instead request that the school confirm that it has taken appropriate steps to safeguard your child from child X. Etc

As someone who has
-worked in primary
-worked with/been 1-2-1 for SEN kids
-witnessed both un/cooperative parents

i can confidently say, your daughter is being scapegoated because the other parent isn’t playing ball. If the other child cannot control her violence, she needs to be removed from the dining hall. As would be done for any other kid who doesn’t even have an EHCP.

Teacher just said "This is what we were talking about yesterday, she needs 1-1"

the 1-1 will presumably launch themselves, heroically and in slo-mo, in front of your DD to take the bottle on the nose for her?
Utter piffle.
If anyone needs a 1-1 or intervention it is the other girl-

Thank you everyone, even those who think my DD does need 1-1 it's helpful to see other perceptives. I take into account the puberty thing, it's something I hadn't considered as DD is unlikely to even start for a few years (delayed puberty is common with EDS apparently)

I will definitely have a chat with OT and SALT, Physio is also in tomorrow and he usually has an opinion when it comes to DD, he's been her physio on and off since she was a toddler.

I’ve been reading through all your posts with utter shock.
Your recent report to the school re advice from OT and SALT should have been enough for the school to make a professional decision on your daughters 1:1 support.
The problem is the other child not yours
I would make an official complaint in writing ( email is enough) about the other child being aggressive towards your child and ask what the school intends to do about her.
The school need to sort out the behaviour of the perpetrator not the victim.

There could be a way for a school to enforce an acceptance of 1-2-1/additional help for the other child.

Suspend them. As the parent would then inevitably want to have the suspension overturned, she'd want to do it on the basis of it being a manifestation of an unmet SEND need, rather than being an example of deliberate, poor behaviour. Therefore, to make the suspension 'go away', she would have to accept that her child had a need to be closely supervised and kept away from hurting other, more physically vulnerable children.

Apologies I tagged your post @ImNotAsThinkAsYouDrunkIAm because I absolutely agree with your post.

You shouldn't be afraid. You should advocate for your daughter. The school need to ensure she is safe. They haven't

This is so unacceptable school have a duty to safeguard your dd and a duty to meet both Children’s needs and it sounds like the proposed solution is negatively impacting your dd and ignoring the other child’s need for greater scaffolding and supervision to better manage impulsivity and risk to others. They’re failing them both and the reason seems to be you’re seen to be the easier parent to push this on. It sounds harmful to both girls.

Should also say I only know it was this child because DD and her classmates tell me. I'm not the only parent who gets called about it. When the other child is off there is no issues with violence in the class at all.

School obviously can't and don't name them, so I'm not sure I can specifically say "It's a problem with X child"

How would a 1-1 stop another child bullying her exactly because that's what's happening. Personally I'd say I'll be pulling her out if they don't sort the other child out. 2 instances is too many imo now.

You absolutely can mention the other child by name when discussing what happened, why pretend you don't know? Keep it about your child and protective measures for her, it's not their place to tell or yours to ask what is happening with the other child.

Of course you can say it’s a problem with X child, she’s done this twice

You don’t have to hide from the truth, name names you have nothing to lose. When one of mine was being bullied I named them all, even the heads son.
Protecting someone else’s child will not help yours OP

Stick to your guns, OP, your child has done nothing wrong. How has the other child been 'punished', if at all? Regardless of circumstance, if she's regularly being violent towards others then the school's behaviour policy should be adhered to (have a look at it, if you haven't already).
Been a rough 6 months for my son, who's in year 5, assaulted over and over again (unprovoked) on several occasions by a child with behaviour issues. The school have point blank have refused to exclude him. My son is a shell of his former self. He's scared to go to school now. After a whopping 7 assaults they have finally moved the boy into a different class and he has lost all break/lunch times until the end of term. It should not have taken my son being hurt 7 times for this to happen. I wrote a formal complaint to the HT, then when I got no joy, I wrote to the Head Governor - only then did they start listening. I contacted the LEA and told the school my local MP would be next. There's no way on earth I would sit back and do nothing whilst my child gets hurt (not a dig at you OP).
Show them you are serious. No child should have to put up with that.

If there are two or more children with the same first name you could just use that, or initials

My instant response would have been, 'No, the OTHER child who keeps hurting my child and other children needs a 1:1 at lunch and break times."

Please formally complain about the other child and ask what reasonable steps the school is taking to protect your child that does NOT include pushing you to accept an inappropriate 1:1 TA for YOUR child at break times that will stunt her growth and social development according to her experts.

But life is more complex for parents of sen children who rely on the school to put in place provision and not make their DC life horrid in ways which are not easily detectible but trigger your child, resulting in difficult behaviour, resulting in lots of shook heads and talks of reduced timetable and so on

I just read the whole thread and was getting more and more angry for you! Is the other child not pulled up on her behaviour? How would 1-1 have even prevented this? The TA wouldn’t have been able to stop the other child from throwing it

Slightly bemused at the reluctance to have hours increase ehcp. Around here parent would be grabbing with both hands. Just becuase ehcp says 1:1 at lunch - a good assistant won't hover around her just be in the background if needed

Depends on cognitive understanding: if an LSA was there next to the OP's daughter, as a bodyguard let's face it, then the other child might have thought twice before throwing. I'd accept the 1-1, wouldn't think twice about it. They won't be there as a crutch/inhibit socialisation if DD just goes about her normal routine but they will be witness to and potentially be able to disrupt the bullying. Could do with such a person to spot an NT child in secondary who's having a rough time of it. We don't have enough bodies.

I agree that most would accept all help and hours they can get - especially because of transition and anticipatory needs - the more you get now, the less they can cut at secondary. Even then...

Having a 1-1 for social times if not needed could maybe cause problems with transition as it makes out needs are higher than they really are?

OP: Just because the teachers can't name the other child doesn't stop you from doing so.