My DD was injured at school, school want a meeting, what will happen?

[CupCakeForTheBirthdayGirl]

DD is 9, in Y4.

On Friday it was my DDs birthday and I put a small cupcake in her lunchbox*.

Another girl in the class, pushed DD off the bench thing making her bang her head and meaning DD was sent home. The girl also got DDs cupcake out of her of her lunchbox and ate it.

DD has told me but this hasn't been confirmed by school or the other girl, that the girl asked DD to swap the cupcake for a chocolate bar and DD said no because the school rules are you don't share or swap food/

For context both girls have an EHCP. I am friends with the other girls mum and she will not allow the school to apply for further funding for a 1-1 at lunchtime for her child – she’s told me this several times, she thinks a TA would hold her daughter back and she doesn’t want it, she also only allows a TA in core subjects at school (English and Maths). My DD doesn’t have 1-1 at lunchtime as the only help she would need would be with packaging or cutting up (when shes on hot dinners) but the lunchtime staff are aware she needs this help and it’s part of their job description. DD does have 1-1 in wordy subjects like English, History and Geography she also has help in a small group in other subjects which is funded by her EHCP.

DD was sent home from school, and I had to take her to A+E. For context DD is the youngest in the class (not the year though, 3 classes per year) but also the smallest in the entire year. She’s the size of your average 4-year-old. DD was ok, just had a bad nose bleed and sustained a concussion, due to her medical issues she was at risk of breaking her nose, or fracturing her cheek or eyesocket so had to go to for an X-ray.

School now wants a meeting with me tomorrow to discuss “going forwards” I’m terrified, they’ve always said I co-operate and they’ve never had issues with discussing things with me. I’m worried they’re going to say DD now needs lunchtime supervision, I’ll take it if they offer it but it does seem unfair DD is going to have to be supervised because the other parent won’t allow their child to be.

It's a mainstream state primary school, cofe if it makes a difference.

*This is as per school rules before anyone says anything - policy says “Please only give 1 of cake (slice of, cupcake or 1 packet of the prepacked mini cake bars), or 1 of chocolate bar (such as a penguin or 2 finger kitkat) or 2 biscuits (2 disgestive with or without chocolate on) or 1 packet of crisps. All products including sandwich fillings must be nut, peanut and sesame seed free” – it was a small cupcake with a small amount of icing.

Unless a 1-1 has lightning ninja reflexes then they couldn't have prevented that bottle from hitting your DD. They might have been able to prevent it being thrown though.

Definitely push back, the school are using your DD as an excuse not to have to deal with another child lashing out and their unhelpful parent.

Can you ask if they would use the extra TA funding as general lunchtime crowd control, which would have a knock on effect of protecting your daughter? And when I say general crowd control, I mean hovering around the other child or others who might be messing around.

Reply: "No, this indicates other child needs a 1:1. Why are you not organising that? My child is entitled to be safe in school."

Ive just seen your latest update and I wouldn't be happy if I was you. I would go back top the school and ask what there plan is for preventing that specific child from hurting yours - and that doesnt mean you daughter needs a 1-2-1, it means that the other child needs to be supervised much more closely so that she doesnt get the chance to injure anymore children. Whether the school lor her mum like it or not, the other child's needs are not being met if she is able to injure other children and it is she who needs supervision, not your child who is the victim in this. I would be standing my ground very firmly and would start writing down your interactions with the school so you have written record - especially for questions such as what will they do to prevent your child being hurt by this specific child that doesnt involve your child being with an adult as she is not the one injuring others.

Good luck

You should tell them you know the issue is actually the other girl's needs are not being met and you don't appreciate them trying to manipulate you because they can't get the other mother to agree.

More seriously, I think the fact that this incident was also the other child, and was not targeted at your dd specifically, means that you can now be more explicit in saying that it would appear that they might need to be putting more supervision in place for the other child, rather than your dd. The injury your dd received could have happened to any child in this scenario. Why are those children not deserving of protection from having objects thrown at them? The problem that needs to be solved here is the behaviour of child B, and giving your child a 1:1 is not going to solve that.

“Can you explain exactly how a 1:1 would have prevented this incident.”

Sorry if I've missed it but have you questioned what they're doing in terms of the other child and what they're doing to stop the incidents of her hurting your child instead?

I can't believe their response to a child hurting your child twice in a short time is to suggest your daughter needs a ... bodyguard?

Possibly they're confusing a 1:1 with a suit of armour?

Either way they're clearly absolutely shitting themselves that your daughter will get seriously hurt and want you to agree to this probably to keep your daughter away from the other child/ren, which is not what you want or what she needs (in terms of generally being around other children - not this girl in particular).

That's like giving someone a 1:1 because another child is bullying them. Ridiculous. Why should your daughter's enjoyment and development be potentially held back because they can't work out a better way to protect her? It sounds like this other girl needs really close supervision as she's hurt other children too. Put that problem right back on them, because even if the magic 1 to 1 did protect your daughter from injury what about the other kids?

I would literally use the words victim blaming… because that’s what they are doing. It isn’t on.

Fuck no, another child is the problem and your daughter is being injured seriously by them.

The other child needs 1-1 to manage their behaviour

Your child needs an environment where she won't get injured by poor management of other children's behaviour to learn in

Speak to the school governors

Completely agree that the school’s approach is tantamount to victim blaming. I think you’re right to be wary of accepting 1-1 provision in an EHCP that your child doesn’t need. I am applying for an EHCP for my child and the school have told me that they will not be able to support it if it requires 1-1 provision.

Fellow EDS parent here... (and secondary SEND Governor)

How does this incident show she needs 1:1? Would they have prevented the incident? How?

Infact they need to be looking at their behaviour policy and whether this other child has reached exclusion. The first instance would definately be a serious breach of our behaviour policy... the second depends whether the kid meant to aim at dd or was just being a brat...

I would continue with the "no not having 1:1 at lunchtime- against other professionals advice" and "How are you safeguarding dd from a kid who is targeting her - whilst sticking with what other professionals are advising re 1:1"

Makes me.so angry to see this.

Quote back
'This is what I was talking about the other day. My child doesn't need a 1:2:1.
Another child-who I believe we can now class as bullying my child-needs a 1:2:1
My child has been targeted by this child by your own admission. I'm not into victim blaming. If this child was ill for a week, my dd wouldn't have any issues other than the norm. Therefore, the issue lies elsewhere and I won't have my dd's SALT and social needs being hampered due to another child's behaviour. What's your plan?'

I'd ask for a chair with arms on the end of the lunch bench. And for the other child to be specially seated at the other end each day. This falls within the behaviour management aspect of lunchtime staff/supervisor.

Exactly this. They have not supervised the children properly. No reason for you to be terrified. If the other girl needs supervision over lunchtime but her mum won’t allow it this is the crux of the issue. How are they planning on dealing with this going forwards so it doesn’t impact your daughter?

Oh I’d be ballistic at that!

My answer would be
’so. Y dc needs 1-1 as opposed to that child needing to behave appropriately? Or for you to take the right steps to ensure her safety?’

They would NOT be saying that if your dc had no SN at all 🤬🤬🤬

Another way to see if is that they are ableist and see any child with SN as a problem.
Therefore, anything happening to a child with SN is because they are disabled and need ‘special treatment’ because it’s somehow their ‘fault’.

No she doesn't. The other child needs supervising properly. Your child needs safeguarding appropriately. It's not appropriate to 'guard' her if the other child is responsible. That's bullying.

Start raising this under safeguarding and bullying policy rather than SEN provision.

Ask how the school intend to ensure there aren't incidents with all children and why your child needs to be punished for the others behaviour.

We had a child whose parents were refusing to go down the Sen path despite violent behaviour. We went down the safeguarding/ major incident / liability school where we will state on record that they have a duty of care to all and there's clearly a problem that they shouldnt be using potential funding from you to address as it will not solve the problems.

If you raise it as bullying incident the procedure is different and the accountability is different - if you raise it then something happens with another child then the school liability is screwed. Point this out.

Ask to elevate things if behaviour isn't improving - you can elevate to outside agencies or force the school to. At that point the parents CAN be forced to accept more one to one support not you.

How exactly could having a 1 to 1 have prevented a bottle being thrown at your child? That makes zero sense. If your child threw it then yes absolutely having the adult there should've prevented it but your child was just sat minding her own business! Please continue to stand your ground and advocate for your child, you're clearly doing a great job in supporting her 👏🏻 I would ask them to clarify exactly how having the 1 to 1 for your child would've prevented this and it might be time to be blunt and mention its clearly the other child that requires the 1 to 1 and ask how they plan to safeguard your child and the other children from the difficulties caused by the other childs behaviour. I have two SEN children and have had to have many conversations with the school to advocate for them, I've found repeating the same question multiple times in response to their bullshit answers means we now quickly get to the point and the truth as they realise I won't be fobbed off.

Put this in writing and make a formal complaint on the grounds of bullying. Quote their own policy at them. Bullying reports tend to go to the governors too - and you can complain to the governors and then go above the head if unaddressed.

Teacher just said "This is what we were talking about yesterday, she needs 1-1"

Don’t let them get away with this! The child who has injured your child on numerous occasion needs a 1:1. I’m angry on your behalf, good on you for pushing back and not just caving in.

The hting is that they won't be able to get a 1 to 1 for this girl. If she doesn''t already have an EHCP then the route to getting one (if there's even justfication for the EHCP in the forst place...behaviour alone doesn't count) is long and slow.

Would you be happy for your DD's EHCP to fund a 1 to 1 in her name, who actually supervised the other girl? I'm not sure if the school would get away with that, but it's a way to progress the next conversation..
Your child would be disadvantaged by having a 1 to 1 sat next to her - she needs to progress in independence. But she would be advantaged by that person being sat away from her and near the other girl.

Indeed. Quote discrimination against your daughter in your bullying complaint.

Say if anything happens to other children with this child you will be willing to back other parents in liability against the school.

How infuriating (and unfair)!

I wonder what what they would do if it was your dd hurting the other girl? Would they still be saying your dd was the one needing the 1-1 care, or if it was the other girl who would need it?

I bet the other girls mum would soon be calling for your dd to have 1-1 care at lunchtimes if things were the other way round and it was her dd that was being injured.

Yanbu and the one causing the harm is the one who needs a closer eye kept on them.