My DD was injured at school, school want a meeting, what will happen?

[CupCakeForTheBirthdayGirl]

DD is 9, in Y4.

On Friday it was my DDs birthday and I put a small cupcake in her lunchbox*.

Another girl in the class, pushed DD off the bench thing making her bang her head and meaning DD was sent home. The girl also got DDs cupcake out of her of her lunchbox and ate it.

DD has told me but this hasn't been confirmed by school or the other girl, that the girl asked DD to swap the cupcake for a chocolate bar and DD said no because the school rules are you don't share or swap food/

For context both girls have an EHCP. I am friends with the other girls mum and she will not allow the school to apply for further funding for a 1-1 at lunchtime for her child – she’s told me this several times, she thinks a TA would hold her daughter back and she doesn’t want it, she also only allows a TA in core subjects at school (English and Maths). My DD doesn’t have 1-1 at lunchtime as the only help she would need would be with packaging or cutting up (when shes on hot dinners) but the lunchtime staff are aware she needs this help and it’s part of their job description. DD does have 1-1 in wordy subjects like English, History and Geography she also has help in a small group in other subjects which is funded by her EHCP.

DD was sent home from school, and I had to take her to A+E. For context DD is the youngest in the class (not the year though, 3 classes per year) but also the smallest in the entire year. She’s the size of your average 4-year-old. DD was ok, just had a bad nose bleed and sustained a concussion, due to her medical issues she was at risk of breaking her nose, or fracturing her cheek or eyesocket so had to go to for an X-ray.

School now wants a meeting with me tomorrow to discuss “going forwards” I’m terrified, they’ve always said I co-operate and they’ve never had issues with discussing things with me. I’m worried they’re going to say DD now needs lunchtime supervision, I’ll take it if they offer it but it does seem unfair DD is going to have to be supervised because the other parent won’t allow their child to be.

It's a mainstream state primary school, cofe if it makes a difference.

*This is as per school rules before anyone says anything - policy says “Please only give 1 of cake (slice of, cupcake or 1 packet of the prepacked mini cake bars), or 1 of chocolate bar (such as a penguin or 2 finger kitkat) or 2 biscuits (2 disgestive with or without chocolate on) or 1 packet of crisps. All products including sandwich fillings must be nut, peanut and sesame seed free” – it was a small cupcake with a small amount of icing.

Of course you can, your child can tell you whatever they like and if that raises concerns you're more than in the right to say that to the school

What a weasly little head that school has. They’re pressuring you because they feel you’re easier than the other parent. The head and class teacher will also try to pressurise the OT etc so, unless they’ve got very good spines and are not easily influenced, you’ll need to be even more resolute. They’ve made your child the problem and that’s the problem!

Absolutely! It's not a state secret. Not sure why you're so reluctant to be frank with the school about who is hurting your child. I imagine you're just trying to be kind and tactful but that approach isn't working with these teachers unfortunately.

I‘d be inclined to say to them "I appreciate you can‘t name the other child involved, but you and I both know who it is and we both know it was the same child who deliberately hurt DD both times. I don‘t understand why, when DD has been the victim both times, you are suggesting that SHE is the one who needs extra supervision. Could I perhaps suggest you look at additional supervision for the other child, as DD has never been hurt by anyone other than this child".

Or something along those lines.

This 100%. The school seem to be hell bent on blaming the victim here which is completely inappropriate. Stand your ground OP and reiterate that you are taking the decision not to consent because you’re acting in the best interests of your child and a 1:1 at lunchtime would achieve little and actually hamper your DDs development. The school meanwhile are not acting in the best interests of your DD. I wonder if they just don’t want to have to have a difficult conversation with the other mum about her child.

You can. It’s perfectly OK to say that you know one particular child has been the cause of both recent injuries as your daughter and her friends have told you. They might not be able to confirm, but if it wasn’t her then I’m certain they would correct you.

I’m really not sure how your daughter having a 1 to 1 would have prevented her from getting hit on the head by a bottle? Have they appointed a TA with telekinesis, or are they suggesting the other girl wouldn’t have thrown the bottle in the first place if there was an adult present?

Yes, you can. The fact that the school can't name them in no way prevents you from saying "I know it's X both from DD and from other children".

Point out that if your child has a 1:1 your expectation is that that 1:1 will be with your child. Therefore they won't be able to deflect X away from attacking children, and won't be able to protect other children. It would make much more sense for the 1:1 to be with X to ensure that she is kept occupied, doesn't have access to other children, can be distracted if she looks like attacking, and has the right therapy and other treatment.

This is ridiculous OP I'm so angry for you. Clearly the other child is the issue. This is very unfair to your little girl who is sitting there minding her own business eating her lunch. I'd not stand for this

I'm not afraid to name names, I just don't want to get schools back up either.

I have spoken to physio and will have a phone meeting with OT tomorrow.

Thankfully physio has a backbone and has argued with school before, usually we compromise but I'm not willing to on this as I honestly don't see how 1-1 will help DD.