I thought I have ADHD but they said I have a personality disorder

[myfeatherboa]

About 10 years ago I said to my gp that I think I have adhd and wondered if I might get assessed.

He sent me to a psychologist who told me he wasn't a specialist in adults and that he normally diagnoses kids.

I suffer from anxiety and I turned up early by mistake. I went for a walk to fill the time and came back feeling a bit anxious. I sat in the waiting room for about half an hour and thought I had been forgotten about so i went back to the receptionist (the one who had already sent me away for arriving early, then had admitted me when I came back). She was quite rude to me and said they hadn't forgotten me and that I would be called when they were ready. About 15 mins later a stressed looking woman came out and said to me they were dealing with something and that I would just have to wait. I was super anxious by this time and it felt like she was being quite gruff with me, almost telling me off for having chased the receptionist. She went away and I couldn't help it, I started to have tears run down my face. The psychologist guy came out about 5 mins later to get me and found me that way.

I had the appointment and I had taken all my school reports with me. He and his student sat and read them and asked me lots of questions. He told me normally he diagnoses kids from the fact they have two things in their life that causes problems. He said I was actually not having problems because I have a successful job. I said it does affect my relationship ans I struggle to be organised at home, plus I am finding work difficult. He wanted to know what the point of me getting diagnosed was if I wasn't planning on being medicated. He said that it looks and sounds like I do have adhd but high functioning and that it was actually a benefit to me and that it had helped me succeed in my life.

Then I got a copy of the letter he sent to the go through and it said I had personality disorder. It didn't say I had high functioning adhd

I don't know if this is because he found me crying. I don't know why he would say I have adhd in person and then write that I have a personality disorder in the letter.

I am a secondary school teacher and I am really good with pastoral matters. I have been made a head of year and kids say I am really approachable and they open up to me and I think I am quite empathetic. I have lots of friends who say I am very kind. They also giggle with me and agree I have adhd!

My dh can be quite controlling. But I always doubt myself now because if I have personality disorder then it must be in my head and I am blaming him for my own issues. But it doesn't feel that way. I don't really know what or do. It really gets me down. And I put up with what feels to me like a lot of crap from dh and I wonder if I am wrong to be blaming myself for him being what I see to be as an arse

Do you think I should ask to be assessed again? I no longer live in the same area and I am moving again in the summer for DH's job so would have to wait till I was registered with a go. I would love to leave sh but I have to wait until dc are older as he would be a nightmare ex and would control us massively if I were to walk

What a horrible response. OP is clearly upset and having a hard time and you seem to want to belittle her for some reason.

OP I think you should ask for a follow
Up appointment as the information you were given in person does not correlate with the paperwork that followed. It's is not ok to tell someone they have a condition and then not to relay this to the doctor or to have a diagnosis that they've not mentioned.

ADHD can be accompanied by various personality disorders but that doesn't mean you're wrong about your DH being an arsehole. If you think he is I doubt you're wrong...

Also @5Pioneers you might want to read more about ADHD in women. It's common for symptoms to be masked and typically has a higher number of sufferers with 'inattentive' type, which looks very different to the type you reference

DD has adhd you can't usually tell unless you expect something outside her routine or drop changes on her and expect her to cope

I am constantly distracted by things so I have always got a million things on the go and struggle to finish anything.
I forget appointments/things I have told dh i willl do. I have a terrible sense of time.
I do try so hard to be organised but at home I seem so unable to.
At work I am rubbish with deadlines
There is no denying I am hyperactive.

I don't sit down until I am so exhausted I have to. This has meant I generally stay quite slim but I am always on the move.

Admittedly though, I have a high iq so I have learnt some coping strategies, some example I would not be able to survive without my apple watch which reminds me to go to meetings etc on time.

It's not that I want anything, just validation that these things have been hard to manage.

What is the personality disorder he diagnosed you with?

I have inattentive adhd. If you would like to pm me @myfeatherboa I can tell you who has helped me a great deal. Seems odd they have said personally disorder but not what is. Have you taken or are you on antidepressants? I take adhd meds and antidepressants. Feel so much better.

Is that right? Or am I wrong?

You are wrong, 5pioneers.

You're wrong on this. Masking is very much something that happens with ADHD, especially females. It's why the old stereotype of ADHD being only hyperactive boys exists. Because females mask, primarily due to the conventions of society imposed on females from a young age. Do some reading up if you don't believe me.

“ADHD is a serious disability - it you are not disabled, then you don't have it, presumably? And if you can pretend not to have it when it suits you, then you are not disabled, are you?”

I have built up a range of strategies, over many years, to deal with it. I very much doubt that anyone would look at me and say I was disabled, but despite having a high IQ, I am pretty much without qualifications because I don’t have the attention span necessary. I can become very focussed on something I’m passionate about though.

@5Pioneers people with adhd develop coping strategies as much as we can. Sometimes it gets too much and we burnout. I dont consider myself disabled. There are different types, for instance male and female adhd present very differently and fewer girls are diagnosed. I am in my 50s and recently diagnosed. My life now makes sense.

What the absolute bollocks are you on about?

Is that right? Or am I wrong?

You are very very wrong. I hope you're not in a profession where your lack of knowledge is impacting anyone in real life.

Come back when you've some idea of what you're talking about.

What a load of crap.

ADHD is not always a serious disability, it varies case by case.

OP, I really don't think you should take that diagnosis to heart. How long was the assessment? Personality disorders are usually a last resort diagnosis.

Did he say you have borderline personality disorder? That's a very gendered diagnosis and one overwhelming given to women and not men. I'd take it with a grain of salt and seek a second opinion (but don't tell them you were diagnosed with a personality disorder because it could bias them, let them come to their own conclusions).

I can see why you are upset. Firstly because personality disorder has stigma attached to it. Secondly because this diagnosis wasn’t explained in the consultation and you were given a different diagnosis.

Was this assessment a long time ago?

i think I would go to your new GP when you move and explain that you are continuing to struggle with the issues you mentioned and there was no support plan or advice provided after your assessment. In practical terms the diagnosis is probably less important than some help to manage the issues.

I would do what @PandyMoanyMum suggests but also start to write down what your issues are, what your coping strategies are and what help you need. Do you feel you need medication to slow you down? Are you burning out alot?

🤖

@5Pioneers please go and educate yourself. Don't comment on an adhd thread when you are clearly clueless about adhd.

You're definitely wrong @5Pioneers .

Can I kindly suggest you don't provide your totally uneducated advice to an already clearly upset OP.

You’re wrong. Why do you think it is applicable to autism but not ADHD? Please read up on it.

https://www.additudemag.com/neurodivergent-women-in-workplace-adhd-masking/

I think our knowledge and understanding of adhd, especially in females, has improved massively in the last 10 years. I suspect you may have to go private for a diagnosis, but maybe it depends where you live. No one should be telling informing you via letter that you have a personality disorder. And again, our knowledge of these has improved hugely as well.

OP yes do ask for another diagnosis. I am recently diagnosed and can make sense of everything, especially myself, now.

It's quite immoral to diagnose a personality disorder without informing you, I would question the diagnosis based on that alone

I highly doubt you have a personality disorder based on what you've shared. Obviously I'm not a psychiatrist but this sounds wrong and quite bizarre. ADHD can cause lots of emotional symptoms including being extra sensitive to perceived rejection, anxiety, difficulties with emotional regulation. So there is some crossover with certain personality disorders, but how on earth he could diagnose you with that based on one session is beyond me, particularly as you seem to be functioning well in your job which obviously requires quite a high level of interpersonal skills, empathy and maturity, etc. Complex PTSD can also be mistaken for BPD (although I think BPD is now the wrong term). I'm sorry OP, it sounds crap and really upsetting.

Personality disorders are very stigmatised which is also unfair but I really think you need to ask for a second opinion because it's unlikely you actually have one and you don't want that on your medical records tbh.

You also mention your husband is controlling, so that clouds things even more. Don't allow a careless misdiagnosis to shake your confidence in your own perceptions. I think some good quality individual counselling, alongside a possible ADHD diagnosis, would be very helpful for you. Is there anything you can access through work at all?