I thought I have ADHD but they said I have a personality disorder

[myfeatherboa]

About 10 years ago I said to my gp that I think I have adhd and wondered if I might get assessed.

He sent me to a psychologist who told me he wasn't a specialist in adults and that he normally diagnoses kids.

I suffer from anxiety and I turned up early by mistake. I went for a walk to fill the time and came back feeling a bit anxious. I sat in the waiting room for about half an hour and thought I had been forgotten about so i went back to the receptionist (the one who had already sent me away for arriving early, then had admitted me when I came back). She was quite rude to me and said they hadn't forgotten me and that I would be called when they were ready. About 15 mins later a stressed looking woman came out and said to me they were dealing with something and that I would just have to wait. I was super anxious by this time and it felt like she was being quite gruff with me, almost telling me off for having chased the receptionist. She went away and I couldn't help it, I started to have tears run down my face. The psychologist guy came out about 5 mins later to get me and found me that way.

I had the appointment and I had taken all my school reports with me. He and his student sat and read them and asked me lots of questions. He told me normally he diagnoses kids from the fact they have two things in their life that causes problems. He said I was actually not having problems because I have a successful job. I said it does affect my relationship ans I struggle to be organised at home, plus I am finding work difficult. He wanted to know what the point of me getting diagnosed was if I wasn't planning on being medicated. He said that it looks and sounds like I do have adhd but high functioning and that it was actually a benefit to me and that it had helped me succeed in my life.

Then I got a copy of the letter he sent to the go through and it said I had personality disorder. It didn't say I had high functioning adhd

I don't know if this is because he found me crying. I don't know why he would say I have adhd in person and then write that I have a personality disorder in the letter.

I am a secondary school teacher and I am really good with pastoral matters. I have been made a head of year and kids say I am really approachable and they open up to me and I think I am quite empathetic. I have lots of friends who say I am very kind. They also giggle with me and agree I have adhd!

My dh can be quite controlling. But I always doubt myself now because if I have personality disorder then it must be in my head and I am blaming him for my own issues. But it doesn't feel that way. I don't really know what or do. It really gets me down. And I put up with what feels to me like a lot of crap from dh and I wonder if I am wrong to be blaming myself for him being what I see to be as an arse

Do you think I should ask to be assessed again? I no longer live in the same area and I am moving again in the summer for DH's job so would have to wait till I was registered with a go. I would love to leave sh but I have to wait until dc are older as he would be a nightmare ex and would control us massively if I were to walk

@myfeatherboa yes you do need to contact the psychologist and find out why the letter doesn’t reflect what he told you in the appointment.
Also it wasn’t wise to seek any kind of diagnosis from someone who doesn’t work in that field (of adult diagnosis), in fact it is well known that symptoms in adults look different (often appearing less evident) than symptoms in children.

Sorry but I would just leave this now. You don’t want medication and you have developed coping strategies, you are who you are, stop looking for validation.

Also, in the past I've had to chase up my son's paediatrician who sent out a boilerplate letter with a completely wrong diagnosis (i.e. not what he was actually diagnosed with by the paediatrician, not just my opinion about it). Not all professionals are necessarily that good, or careful enough about what they send out and the ramifications of that for patients.

I mean you could have both, I was diagnosed with EUPD few years back but have also recently been diagnosed with combined type ADHD (am female). I have always been in fast paced full time jobs, managed well with multiple tasks, I also always turn up early for everything as the thought of being late makes me very anxious (I was turning up to work 2 hours early for a long time, had to force myself to bring it down a notch) many people can function well as I tend to in good periods.
Did he say what type of personality disorder he thinks you may have to make matters clearer to you? There's no reason why if you don't feel happy with the outcome and you genuinely feel as if adhd is a strong possibility why you couldn't speak to your GP about this and get a possible referral although times are quite lengthy for assessments.
I think it's also difficult as a lot of mental health illnesses can cross over eachother took 10 years bouncing back and forth under secondary care MH team to get my eupd diagnosis so it isn't easy going. Feel for you

No, don't allow a stigmatising, probably incorrect and definitely unhelpful diagnosis to just sit in your medical files. Bad advice. Sadly it can cause problems accessing other help and support you might need - not all doctors are terribly enlightened and you don't want to be fobbed off over other issues because you're probably just being hysterical due to a personality disorder.

So many women get diagnosed with BPD ,when it’s actually autism.
people diagnosing often don’t know what autism looks like in women
they see us as over emotional,they think mainly males are autistic and bobs your uncle a diagnosis of a personality disorder.
look up Samatha chapman autism in women checklist ,as a starting point .
I might of got her surname wrong ,but it will still come up on net

Why? What’s wrong with validation? Much easier for me to say to myself (knowing that I have ADHD), that didn’t go well because I wasn’t concentrating/ lost track/ [insert ADHD trait] but I will do this differently next time, rather than beating myself up for being useless or a failure for example. Validation has turned out to be the most important result of my diagnosis.

I just went looking for the letter because I tend to keep stuff like that. This was all 10 years ago when dc were small. I have actually found one letter after the first consultation- I have now remembered there was the first appointment and one letter then a second follow up appointment after six weeks and then the personality disorder diagnosis came after that. In the first letter he doesn't diagnose me with anything except he confirms I have anxiety and he says

"We have discussed myfeatherboa's case with DrX, consultant psychiatrist. She is a good and clear historian offering an account that suggests she has issues relating to focus, concentration and activity levels which appear to have first emerged during her primary school years. This history is somewhat suggestive of an ADHD type disorder. However, a true diagnosis requires that these features are pervasively and persistently significant impairment in social, academic or occupational functioning which is not the case in this instance. It is also unlikely for ADHD to be diagnosed at this age unless there is significant disability. Any treatment for ADHD in this case would likely cause more harm than good."

Then I went back for the other appointment six weeks later which is when he wrote the letter saying I have personality disorder. I think it was borderline personality disorder but I was so upset by the letter I screwed it up and threw it out.

I don't think I want to be medicated but I want to understand why I have struggled for so many years. And if he's worried about doing more harm than good, he really did so when he told me my personality is disordered and I've been living with the shame of that for the last 10 years. I've never told a soul.

Sorry
samantha craft ,not chapman ,I did get the name wrong
I just checked ,it still comes up
great starting point xx

High IQ, high anxiety and a lot of difficulties with executive function - that could all fit ASD too! Really there can be a lot of opinion in diagnosis of this nature and can be a lot of crossover. EUPD is due to things that happened to you in childhood though rather than something you are born with - unlike ASD and ADHD. I would read up on ADHD, ASD, EUPD and come to your own conclusions.

What about getting a counsellor so that you can get an outside perspective on what is going on in your relationship? Make sure they are well qualified and with BACP.

I've read that adhd is often misdiagnosed as BPD or bipolar in women, my best friend being one of these women.

It's not helped when people show total ignorance about it either, thinking that someone can't have a career or be successful at work if they have adhd. Like the pp who replied to you first. Or at the opposite end of ignorance they think the people whose symptoms make holding down a job and being organised are just lazy and using adhd as an excuse to get all the benefits.

I wonder if it's the same type of person who pops up on adhd or autism threads claiming the have a close friend who has never struggled with anything and can't possibly have the adhd they've been diagnosed and are just jumping on bandwagons.

So there's no shame in personality disorders, a lot of people who have therapy for BPD, later dont go on to meet the criteria for it which actually is positive. Don't be so hard on yourself, even if that was the case it doesn't define you as a person, it's just a behaviour structure that has been learnt but actually can be managed if not resolved with acceptance and therapy etc.
Some psychologists/psychiatrists don't like to give a "formal" diagnosis as they think people don't benefit from the attachment of the label, which can also be counterproductive as you personally don't know what you're working with so it's hard to reach out for the correct help.
If I were you, there's no harm in getting a second opinion. This was ten years ago so it's not unreasonable to question

There is no such thing as high functioning ADHD

So grateful for all the comments here. I
And I was primed for all of them to be that I was being ridiculous so I do feel validated that not all of them have been dismissive.

He comments in the letter that I had a happy and uneventful childhood, so no trauma there. The only trauma I have had was with the birth of dc1 and I think it is possible I have slight ptsd from that. I certainly did for a while and it may well be the cause of long term anxiety but I was without doubt a hyperactive child who was always up to no good unless I had something i was interested in to focus on.

One of dc1's friends had various control issues as a small child and I always used to say to his mum that I just 'got' him because he reminded me so much of me when I was young. He was diagnosed with adhd about 18 months ago.

I was just talking to someone who has adhd but previously diagnosed with BPD and she said it’s common in women for these things to be misdiagnosed. But OP you need to talk to someone about your current situation and going back to your GP would be a start

I don’t get that. Was this diagnosis giving by a nhs psychologist?
my ex had severe and enduring mental health issues . He had paranoia, psychosis etc. when he was finally diagnosed after 9 years (yes, 9 years) he was given diagnosis of schizophrenia, then that changed after 3 years to schizoaffective, then changed again and again.
20 years later it was abundantly clear he had paranoid personality disorder, it took 20 years for them to accept that and give him that diagnosis. Personality disorders are under diagnosed and reluctantly diagnosed in nhs. Probably because they don’t respond well to drug regimes and they’d rather try dosing folks up first
I can’t see how any nhs psychiatrist would have given you a diagnosis of any personality type after 2 visit. This just isn’t normal.

so what actual personality disorder did they diagnose you with - they are different and not one class overall. It’s like saying you’ve been diagnosed with a wobbly leg, yep, but what is cause of wobbly leg. And secondly who actually gave you that diagnosis. If it wasn’t a nhs psychiatrist or a qualified registered psychiatrist working under listened privately, you don’t have a diagnosis. You merely have an opinion from someone who is not qualified to make that diagnosis. Personality disorders are not diagnosed by psychologist, any psychiatrists. Psychologists may have an opinion, and experience that gives them insights, but they cannot diagnose you.

Only not any

BPD and ADHD in women have some overlapping traits BUT I think there is considerable misogyny at play in many of these BPD diagnoses. A lot of what you have written in your OP resonates with me and I have diagnosed ADHD. I think awareness of female pattern ADHD is growing and it would be worth requesting assessment again.

And @5Pioneers it really is unhelpful appearing on an ADHD thread talking about ADHD without any understanding of it. From the outside I was a fantastic success while inside I was burning out. I have no brakes. Masking was my basic nature. A very astute Psychiatrist described in detail the range of impairments I had across multiple areas in spite of having a life people envied from the outside looking in.

I actually think that many very successful people have a combination of ADHD and autism traits. Hyperfocus and masking are part of ADHD as much as autism, just maybe not as well known in the context of ADHD.

Yes it was an nhs diagnosis.

I have the details of the psychologist and the first letter he wrote but i threw away the one that said personality disorder. I think it said borderline personality disorder.

@myfeatherboa are you on antidepressants? I have just started as well as adhd meds. I feel so much better. Adhd meds have only started to work this week after 11 weeks of taking them and 4 weeks of antidepressants.

I don't understand why some posters have decided that the psychologist's assessment of the OP was incorrect based purely on the OP not liking the diagnosis she was given. And then her having a hissy fit about it, to the extent where she apparently can't even remember which personality disorder she was diagnosed with because she was so angry that she threw the letter away. Yet she writes "I want to understand why I have struggled for so many years" but it seems that desire for understanding is conditional on it being ADHD rather than anything else.

Interestingly enough, Psychology Today has an article "Why don't therapists like treating BPD?" which states "Individuals with symptoms of BPD are particularly sensitive to perceived criticism. This increases the likelihood that they will feel attacked when a therapist attempts to offer suggestions or insights. This often leads to lashing out"

Makes you wonder if maybe the psychologist had a point?

Thank you @Pamalot. I will do. I am on my phone on the app at the mo but I will do when I can access the website

He is an NHS guy and that is definitely what he said

You need a second opinion.

But first I would find a therapist to work with you as a victim of a controlling partner. That can cause adhd-like symptoms in victims.

Rejection sensitivity is also a common trait in some people with ADHD.