I thought I have ADHD but they said I have a personality disorder

[myfeatherboa]

About 10 years ago I said to my gp that I think I have adhd and wondered if I might get assessed.

He sent me to a psychologist who told me he wasn't a specialist in adults and that he normally diagnoses kids.

I suffer from anxiety and I turned up early by mistake. I went for a walk to fill the time and came back feeling a bit anxious. I sat in the waiting room for about half an hour and thought I had been forgotten about so i went back to the receptionist (the one who had already sent me away for arriving early, then had admitted me when I came back). She was quite rude to me and said they hadn't forgotten me and that I would be called when they were ready. About 15 mins later a stressed looking woman came out and said to me they were dealing with something and that I would just have to wait. I was super anxious by this time and it felt like she was being quite gruff with me, almost telling me off for having chased the receptionist. She went away and I couldn't help it, I started to have tears run down my face. The psychologist guy came out about 5 mins later to get me and found me that way.

I had the appointment and I had taken all my school reports with me. He and his student sat and read them and asked me lots of questions. He told me normally he diagnoses kids from the fact they have two things in their life that causes problems. He said I was actually not having problems because I have a successful job. I said it does affect my relationship ans I struggle to be organised at home, plus I am finding work difficult. He wanted to know what the point of me getting diagnosed was if I wasn't planning on being medicated. He said that it looks and sounds like I do have adhd but high functioning and that it was actually a benefit to me and that it had helped me succeed in my life.

Then I got a copy of the letter he sent to the go through and it said I had personality disorder. It didn't say I had high functioning adhd

I don't know if this is because he found me crying. I don't know why he would say I have adhd in person and then write that I have a personality disorder in the letter.

I am a secondary school teacher and I am really good with pastoral matters. I have been made a head of year and kids say I am really approachable and they open up to me and I think I am quite empathetic. I have lots of friends who say I am very kind. They also giggle with me and agree I have adhd!

My dh can be quite controlling. But I always doubt myself now because if I have personality disorder then it must be in my head and I am blaming him for my own issues. But it doesn't feel that way. I don't really know what or do. It really gets me down. And I put up with what feels to me like a lot of crap from dh and I wonder if I am wrong to be blaming myself for him being what I see to be as an arse

Do you think I should ask to be assessed again? I no longer live in the same area and I am moving again in the summer for DH's job so would have to wait till I was registered with a go. I would love to leave sh but I have to wait until dc are older as he would be a nightmare ex and would control us massively if I were to walk

Sorry I just think its odd that if you miss disorder and condition out of the statement I posted above, most people would agree and would be merrily taking part in a pick a colour and let us tell you your spirit animal quiz !

@myfeatherboa were you in a relationship with your DH when you went for these appointments ?

But I always doubt myself now because if I have personality disorder then it must be in my head and I am blaming him for my own issues.

This really stands out to me, you can have a personality disorder or not and also be in an abusive relationship.

Definitely follow up - phone clinic, say letter to GP gives different diagnosis, ask if perhaps mixed up with another patient.

Re your husband. Particularly when my ADHD traits were less controlled, I was attracted to or at least highly tolerant of dominant and controlling men. They created a structure through their demands. They expressed impatience or intolerance in ways that I tried to appease. In other words, that rejection sensitivity someone mentioned worked as a way for me to try to incentivise myself. People pleasing urge could beat out the disorder.

That makes the relationships sound awful. Most weren't. But the dynamic - I wanted someone who would create order, they weren't shy about asserting their own needs and expectations - worked on my side as a coping mechanism for ADHD. Don't see why personality disorder need come in to it.

Does that sound recognisable at all?

Oh my goodness this is so true. My best friend is also quite demanding, and reasonably hugh maintenance. Love her to bits but definitely what attracted me to her too. Been friends since secondary school.

In answer to @dymaxion - I have been with dh nearly 20ys now. He agrees I am probably ADHD. It was his DF who originally suggested it about 15 years ago.

He has his own issues- I suspect a narcissist although I was slightly oblivious to that until he had a breakdown. It has made a lot of sense of his behaviour over the years. But i grey rock a lot and mostly it's fine.

Psychologists may have an opinion, and experience that gives them insights, but they cannot diagnose you.
Fuck, I’ve been diagnosing for forty years!

Do go and see somebody new. BPD is a lazy dx frequently thrown at women because it’s easier for the Dr concerned. It sounds to me as though you have many traits of ADHD.
There are some very good apps about, you may want to take a look. 💐

It isn’t even called borderline PD anymore - it’s called Emotionally Unstable PD. A lot of ND people are misdiagnosed with it. If you mention any childhood abuse/neglect or self harm then they’ll tend to assume EUPD and possibly steer the assessment to try to confirm that. Or maybe it was because you were crying🙄.

I had a boyfriend with EUPD. He’d dissociate at any perceived criticism - trying to discuss anything was crazy-making. He’d get angry and harm himself but in an incredibly aggressive way (hard to explain). He was distressed but it was all about him - didn’t care how it affected anyone else. He’d have been aggressive and certainly not crying.

From my experience of psychiatrists they prefer the more common disorder to the rarer one. If you were diagnosed with a personality disorder I would take it seriously. It doesn't mean that you don't also have ADHD, but the ADHD isn't the primary thing and that drives treatment.

I would not say that ADHD is a serious disability or even a disability at all. I was diagnosed with ADHD more than 20 years ago and have never regarded it as a disability, although it is often massively fucking inconvenient. Medication can help but is far from the cure-all that some people (often those with very limited experience of taking the various medications for many years at a time) might suggest. The most important thing (it sounds as if you're already doing this) is to find coping strategies.

No, not in children. People talk about emerging PD but you can't really diagnose before age 18. Even then it is less likely to be a reliable diagnosis. When I see on notes a PD diagnosis that was made around age 18-24 it can often be regarded with scepticism.

Hi OP I wanted to share my story with you because what has happened to you also happened to me. I was seen by a psychiatrist when I was in the depths of post natal depression and feeling suicidal, and I outright said that I thought I had ADHD and PND, and he asked me "how was school?" and I said it was ok so he said I couldn't have ADHD and that I had EUPD. On one 40 minute appointment. With no background information or anything.

I went private and got my ADHD diagnosis from a 4 hour assessment including forms that my family had to fill out about my childhood. Three years later when I finally got to the end of the NHS waiting list in my new area, they brought up the EUPD diagnosis and said they didn't want to rule it out, then asked me to fill out another ADHD assessment which was about 30 pages of questions and they confirmed again that I do, in fact, have ADHD. Over the last 6 months they've gotten to know me and realised the PD was a misdiagnosis.

Unfortunately, lack of insight into whether you have PD or not is one of the big things they look for so if you're trying to tell them you literally don't have a PD they take that as more evidence that you do!

The NICE guidelines for diagnosing EUPD/BPD clearly state that it should be done after multiple appointments not from one appointment, and that every other diagnosis should be explored that would account for the symptoms including physical ones like PMDD and thyroid issues.

Unfortunately, if they slap you with EUPD/BPD, they can say they don't need to treat you, which cuts their waiting lists and saves them money, whereas a proper ADHD or autism assessment is very drawn-out and expensive, so they've got a massive incentive to carelessly misdiagnose, and that's if we disregard the blatant sexism of the amount of ND women who get this misdiagnosis.

Can you go private to get a psychiatrist to do a proper in-depth diagnosis? NHS MH is a bit broken atm and they are so overwhelmed that they miss quite a lot of pertinent facts.

I definitely can't afford to go private as things are super tight financially at the moment, also there's no way I can tell DH about the PD as he will use it against me in arguments etc. right now he accepts I have undiagnosed ADHD because he sees it all the time.

I wish I hadn't thrown away the letter but I guess my GP will have a copy in my notes anyway.

I will go and see the GP- although I will be moving authority I have had to get my sertraline prescription upped recently and the
gp was really kind so I feel like he will hear me. I'll let him know we're moving and see what he says

Counselling wise, are you sure you can't access some support through your work?

Sadly I am changing jobs and have taken one in the new area but perhaps this is something I could look at further down the line

I have just looked at the end of the letter and where I thought he had a student shadowing him, it actually seems that the other person in the appointment was his supervisor as it says he was a FY2 doctor. I didn't know what that was til I just looked it up. So some junior doctor gave me a diagnosis he had not discussed with me in person and just wrote me off as having a personality disorder.

The thing about pnd resonates with me too.

I am so grateful to everyone who has responded to this thread as I have had 10 years of believing that everything is my fault because I have a messed up personality, whereas I have always been like this and actually anyone in my family laughs when they see a child doing something hyperactive and says "oh look, they are doing a myfeatherboa". My mum even tried to stop me having squash when I was a kid because apparently she had been told the E numbers make kids too hyper. Now I feel that I can advocate for myself at last and say I think that this junior doctor got it wrong!

Masking is a funny word to use imv.
It means your emotions are masked to other people to make you appear like them. However if you have masked your whole life it isn't masking, it's your normal. Plus, for me I assumed EVERYONE was gutted if they were put down by someone, criticised and that the distressing feelings stayed with them forever, as they have for me. (also possibly makes me more sensitive to selfish DH)
But I don't have friends, or almost none and never did.
Trouble learning things at work (possibly due to anxiety, who knows?) despite being good in exams so no career progression in decades.
Finding out it was adhd was a relief.

Junior drs don’t supervise psychologists.

Psychologists are independent practitioners who work alongside psychiatry but (although the balance of power may be tricky) psychiatrists are not in charge of them. The FY was likely sitting in as he’s got a 6 month placement and is shadowing.

Such a good, astute post. Thank you for this.

The letter I have (the first one, not the one that said I have a PD - but they were both from the same guy) says he was FY2. I was told at the time I was seeing a psychologist. I remember at the time as I wondered what the difference between psychiatrist and psychologist was.

His registration number is also on the letter. This was NHS

There was another older guy in the first appointment but not the second. I assumed it was his student (I trained to be a teacher as a mature student so didn't find the age weird) but now I realise must have been his supervisor

Okay so you saw an fy2 junior doctor not a psychologist at all. Fy2 is 3 years out of medical school

So either a junior doctor was in the room observing, or he was a FY2 himself as it's on the letter

It's looking like that. So it seems I have a PD diagnosis from a junior doctor, and the first letter was in September so he was only at the start of his second year too?

You should have seen a psychiatrist I would think.
'A doctor who works in psychiatry is called a psychiatrist. Unlike other mental health professionals, such as psychologists and counsellors, psychiatrists must be medically qualified doctors who have chosen to specialise in psychiatry. This means they can prescribe medication as well as recommend other forms of treatment.'
https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/talking-therapies-medicine-treatments/medicines-and-psychiatry/psychiatry/

Yes and because it was ten years ago I suspect his older supervisor was the type who still saw ADHD as naughty boys getting kicked out of school. So OF COURSE you had BPD / EUPD not ADHD. And even though he identified ADHD he may well have been talked out of the diagnosis to appease a supervisor and because of the inherent misogyny around how women with ADHD present.

Would it not be more accurate to say that you can't tell if she has a personality disorder based on the limited information she's shared rather that you doubt she has a personality disorder based on the information she has shared?