I thought I have ADHD but they said I have a personality disorder

[myfeatherboa]

About 10 years ago I said to my gp that I think I have adhd and wondered if I might get assessed.

He sent me to a psychologist who told me he wasn't a specialist in adults and that he normally diagnoses kids.

I suffer from anxiety and I turned up early by mistake. I went for a walk to fill the time and came back feeling a bit anxious. I sat in the waiting room for about half an hour and thought I had been forgotten about so i went back to the receptionist (the one who had already sent me away for arriving early, then had admitted me when I came back). She was quite rude to me and said they hadn't forgotten me and that I would be called when they were ready. About 15 mins later a stressed looking woman came out and said to me they were dealing with something and that I would just have to wait. I was super anxious by this time and it felt like she was being quite gruff with me, almost telling me off for having chased the receptionist. She went away and I couldn't help it, I started to have tears run down my face. The psychologist guy came out about 5 mins later to get me and found me that way.

I had the appointment and I had taken all my school reports with me. He and his student sat and read them and asked me lots of questions. He told me normally he diagnoses kids from the fact they have two things in their life that causes problems. He said I was actually not having problems because I have a successful job. I said it does affect my relationship ans I struggle to be organised at home, plus I am finding work difficult. He wanted to know what the point of me getting diagnosed was if I wasn't planning on being medicated. He said that it looks and sounds like I do have adhd but high functioning and that it was actually a benefit to me and that it had helped me succeed in my life.

Then I got a copy of the letter he sent to the go through and it said I had personality disorder. It didn't say I had high functioning adhd

I don't know if this is because he found me crying. I don't know why he would say I have adhd in person and then write that I have a personality disorder in the letter.

I am a secondary school teacher and I am really good with pastoral matters. I have been made a head of year and kids say I am really approachable and they open up to me and I think I am quite empathetic. I have lots of friends who say I am very kind. They also giggle with me and agree I have adhd!

My dh can be quite controlling. But I always doubt myself now because if I have personality disorder then it must be in my head and I am blaming him for my own issues. But it doesn't feel that way. I don't really know what or do. It really gets me down. And I put up with what feels to me like a lot of crap from dh and I wonder if I am wrong to be blaming myself for him being what I see to be as an arse

Do you think I should ask to be assessed again? I no longer live in the same area and I am moving again in the summer for DH's job so would have to wait till I was registered with a go. I would love to leave sh but I have to wait until dc are older as he would be a nightmare ex and would control us massively if I were to walk

It's very odd. I would put in writing that the diagnosis in the letter in no way correlates to what was discussed with you. It could just be a mistake, especially as it appears they were stressed and ineffective in professionalism that day. I'd request a second opinion before accepting a PD diagnosis that doesn't seem to fit. You could also make a SARS request to view your medical notes. And if it is a mistake request the record is corrected. And no MH diagnosis should be given without discussion.

Yes, I was misdiagnosed with a personality disorder and have ADHD.

Psychologists can't formally diagnose anything they can express opinions and put them forward to a psychiatrist but can't make a diagnosis. So if OP's assessment was carried out by a psychologist which it shouldn't of, then her formal diagnosis doesn't actually stand. Also agree with prior poster that adhd and bpd can be misdiagnosed so it's difficult, op you definitely need a second opinion in my unprofessional opinion aha

Essentially it's a term applied to people who have managed to overcome their adhd traits enough to get through education and hold down a career. There was something about high IQ compensating for other difficulties in the assessment. It certainly rang true for me because I could hyperfocus the night before exams, learn everything and pass with flying colours. Which sounds great except it left me an anxious, burnt out mess.

It was 10 years ago. I accepted it and was embarrassed about it and yes I threw out the letter. There is no way I wanted my DH to find that and use it against me.

However 10 years later I wonder if the diagnosis was wrong. I don't think that is a hissy fit.

At the time I was on citalopram for anxiety. I have since been changed to sertraline and it works far better for me. I was able to almost go off it at one point but life has been stressful so I have needed to up my dose again. Dh definitely is a trigger for my anxiety but I am not going to leave him for at least 5 years. Looking at other threads of controlling exes it reaffirms my belief that it is easier to stay with him whilst the children are younger.

Unfortunately I don't have the money to see a counsellor at the moment but perhaps in the future

I've been diagnosed with BPD for a while, I believe I actually have ADHD and I have seen and read a lot of research that suggests it is common for women with ADHD to be diagnosed with BPD instead. Most sufferers of BPD are women because men do get the ADHD diagnosis or PTSD diagnosis instead.

It isn't easier to stay.
I found that my superskills helped me through the tough bit in a manner other 'typical' people would not have been able to do.
It is 5 to 7 to 10 years later when therapy might help.
Honestly, leaving a stressful place and living alone gives one such 'lightness', I can't describe it.
Please don't stay for the children. They (like you) are living under this weird weight of 'getting everything right' even though they (and you) don't know any different yet.
It's likely (mathematical probability) that one or all will also have the feelings /.symptoms you have.
This is v complex (as your soon to be ex also has these) and a little less stress and subsequent freedom will be invaluable to them right now, and their brains are plastic (malleable and developing).
Think hard about what you need to thrive (not survive).
Your children need you, and you sound like you are a good advocate for them.
THRIVE not survive, OP.
Best wishes.

What’s wrong with having a personality disorder? I have BPD but you make it sound like people with personality disorders are terrible people.

This paragraph is actually really offensive to those with personality disorders:

“I am a secondary school teacher and I am really good with pastoral matters. I have been made a head of year and kids say I am really approachable and they open up to me and I think I am quite empathetic. I have lots of friends who say I am very kind. They also giggle with me and agree I have adhd! “

I am empathetic and an approachable person with lots of friends around me. You make it sound like I can’t possibly be those things because I have BPD.

While I understand why you feel sensitive about this, the correct diagnosis can be lifechanging, not least because it allows the right treatment.

For me psychoeducation and good therapy are making a massive difference to my life. They allow me to adopt the most beneficial approaches to managing my ADHD. Treating me with different approaches would not get the same results.

And professionals are the best to diagnose that not self diagnosis or because others say you have it. The OP makes it sound like having a personality disorder is a terrible thing when it’s not.

A PP mentioned that BPD is a very gendered diagnosis and this is true. Lots of women with undiagnosed ASD and ADHD get diagnosed with BPD first. Complex PTSD can also present like BPD and many undiagnosed (and diagnosed) neurodivergent people have issues with trauma etc.

It is very hard to unpick... but it also sounds like it was very poor practice for you to be diagnosed with something without a consultation to discuss it. I would be seeking a second opinion but from someone specialising in the late diagnosis of ADHD and other neurodivergence in women.

Perhaps a bigger concern is your controlling DH...

I'm really sorry for having made it sound that way. I don't know anything about BPD. I just know that he diagnosed me with having a disordered personality and I took that to mean my personality is flawed in some way. I am sorry to have caused offence.

As a veteran of various forms of therapy, I've learned that there are some crap psychologists/psychiatrists out there. Sounds like you just met one.

Don't let this undermine you. Even if you had a PD, it would not invalidate your experience or mean you couldn't have adhd as well.

You don’t need to apologize for anything
You had a really unpleasant experience.
I have a female relative who was diagnosed with BPD. She most definitely doesn’t have it. She is classic adhd. Women are so badly served in the area.
Talk to one of the Uk adhd charities. Watch the Tanya Bardley documentary. Seek another diagnosis.
I hate this ‘you are coping so a diagnosis isn’t necessary’ nonesense. I ‘coped’ for 42 years. Two lots of PND and other issues. I had to: who else was going to look after my children?
Medication has changed my life for the better. Also I now have a much better and kinder understanding of myself.

The OP'S assessment indicated ADHD traits were present but the psychologist decided there was 'no benefit' in the diagnosis without the desire for medication. How fucking arrogant is that? How one-dimensional? He then decided she had a different diagnosis because it fit with his bias that she was 'emotional' and he could throw antidepressants at her so she would fuck off and stop blubbering all over his waiting room.

Professionals don't always get it right especially in the psychological professions. Just look at the absolute shitshow at the Tavistock/ GID clinic. Ten years ago there was much less awareness of how ADHD presents in women. The knowledge base has expanded considerably. BPD often originates where there has been some degree of trauma. The OP says she was assessed as not having trauma.

My diagnosis was a difficult and unsettling time but it fundamentally changed how I saw myself and my place in the world. It made a huge difference because it helped me learn new strategies that have made life so much easier. Treating me for the wrong thing wouldn't have helped, just compounded my own feelings of self-loathing as I failed yet again to 'work right'. I would definitely recommend being seen by a Psychiatrist rather than a psychologist.

Double-check your self-assessments, until you are absolutely rock-solid. Marshall your evidence and take it with you (as you did your school reports) or send it ahead. I did a timeline of my life, including all my evidence, for my autism assessment. They take no notice but it helps you to feel confident.

Be ready for them to fail at diagnosing you properly - so many of them fail. It won't affect who you are. They'll just be wrong.

It's worth going ahead, in case they diagnose you properly. Dd finds the meds extremely helpful. Good luck.

Isn't ADHD a type of personality disorder ?

No, it's not.

You've been treated badly in that process OP. Of course you should ask for a properly qualified and experienced psychiatrist to give a second opinion. It's a money grabbing market these days and not all 'experts' are equal but if you're paying privately ( and you'll probably have to) join the waiting list of the best regarded psychiatrist you can find. Say you'll accept cancellations.
No mental health diagnosis should make you feel worse about your situation.
Good luck.

@wherearethewindows

A personality disorder is a condition that affects how you think, feel, behave or relate to other people.

It's a pretty broad church isn't it ? If the above is a definition then I would imagine that ADHD would fit into the 'how you think, feel and behave' boxes ?

No. These are not considered in the same category. Because ADHD is a neurodevelopmental disorder and personality disorder is something that develops due to environment. You can't be diagnosed with a personality disorder as a child. Whereas ADHD is often apparent in children.

Whereas ADHD is often apparent in children.

So personality disorders are not apparent in children of any age ?

All the mental health professionals I know diagnose everyone else apart from themselves and their own children with personality disorders (even though they display a lot of the traits themselves). It’s such an overused diagnosis. Write to the psychologist ask for clarification and make a formal complaint to their governing body. This diagnosis is not just something you should accept. It all sounds completely unprofessional from start to finish.

There may be concerning traits (especially with things like ASPD) but a child will not be diagnosed with PD. The personality is still emerging throughout childhood, adolescence and into early adulthood.