The next person who tells me we all need to move on...

[Youknowaboutthepaint]

Is likely to get both barrels.

So many people still seem convinced that "the other lot" would be even worse, even though they can't begin to tell me why.

That Christmas, while our esteemed leaders were partying was DH's last. He spent it at home, in pain, without access to the medical care he needed and without seeing anyone except those he lived with.

A few days later he went into to hospital where he stayed for 3 months, without a single visitor. During that time he was told, alone, by telephone because his consultant was shielding, that his cancer was terminal, stil he wasn't allowed any visitors. He never met his oncologist and I had to fight every day to find anyone who would talk to me about his prognosis/ treatment/pain control/return home.

He came home eventually once they'd managed to get his pain under some sort of control, to die, a shadow of the man his DC had last seen, still officially not allowed any visitors. (Although by that point anyone who wanted to visited, I classified as a carer).

Then we had to restrict numbers at his funeral.

All the while those making the decisions that had affected us so badly were having the time of their life. Most are still in power/working in governement, making the laws that affect us all, dishing out or receiving honours, spending our money. And they've lied about it continuously since.

I'm still trying to support severely traumatised children whose lives were badly affected by lockdowns, even if they hadn't had to deal with all the stuff with their dad.

I'm generally a fairly easy going, resilient sort, but I dare anyone to tell me it's time we got over it.

By the by, you can check how your MP voted on the big question here:
https://www.theguardian.com/politics/ng-interactive/2023/jun/19/how-did-your-mp-vote-on-the-boris-johnson-privileges-committee-report

(yep it's the guardian- I found it by googling the question)

Seven of course voted against but for me the real roll of shame is the many many who chose not to vote. Apart from PM, home and foreign secretaries, a trough of supine valueless local MPs

What's particularly bitter about this is that for unimportant things some people didn't comply- a minority of people were still seeing friends etc and will smugly tell you so now. But for anything important where you were dealing with public bodies (such as having relatives in hospital or care, children who should have been at school, funerals) there simply wasn't the option of non-compliance. Short of storming the place, I couldn't have seen my nan who died on her own in her care home, and if I'd attempted they'd have called the police. It's easy to forget that this stuff was enforced- it wasn't just people being meek.

I am so sorry Youknowaboutthepaint and YANBU

They set the rules, they broke the rules, they lied and laughed about it.

Some of them got rewarded and will enter the HoL, continuing to make decisions that influence our daily lives.

I'm so sorry OP.

I won't forgive or forget either.

@pendleflyer im struggling to remember much “glory” in May’s premiership to be honest. But I get your point. We know just how far we have sunk when May seems to be a beacon for excellence!

I think what we have found out is that, no matter what their politics, some people are decent people. Some people are not. Some are just poor quality individuals. And aren’t fit to be in power.

The only place I want to move on now is at the ballot box.

op I hope you know that we share your sentiments.

I whole heartedly agree with you. I'm so sorry for your loss.

The government are utter scum

i think this is another reason why it hurts so much. with the benefit of hindsight and in the calm after the storm, we are left questioning why we meekly complied.

except it wasn't just meek compliance was it. It was horrendous, aggressive judgemental joining in with the madness, from many many people. People on this very site.

What a crass insensitive remark.
Grief can’t be rolled up and set aside like carpet, it has many layers some layers are worse than other, sometimes it hits you like sledgehammer, others it sneaks up like a soft malignant breeze, leaving you breathless in its wake.
I hear you op. I stood on my front step with my daughter, crying and in shock as the ambulance drove way with my husband inside, lights and sirens blaring. It was Dec 2020. I couldn’t go with him or visit him the whole time he was in hospital, he’d had a stroke.
He’s recovered now thankfully but it was an awful time.
My sister had cancer at the same time, I couldn’t see her either.
Meanwhile our ‘esteemed leader’ and his cronies were partying. And laughing and joking about it.

This inquiry has highlighted what I would hope most people already knew, yet they still have people defending them, even on a thread like this.
They are scum, they are liars, they are cowards, they are self serving bastards and they don’t care about anyone. They just want to deepen their own pockets, no matter what the cost to the people they are meant to be representing. Quite frankly anyone who votes for them again should feel thoroughly ashamed.

OP, I'm sincerely sorry for the loss and trauma you and your children are suffering. I hope you all are getting access to trauma care.

I'm furious at the tories and their flagrant disregard of the rules. For almost two years, I couldn't fly home to support my sister and her young family during her illness. Instead, I spent the entire of Covid treating strangers in hospital ( something I don't resent, it's my job).

After a particularly horrendous shift, I popped into a grocery store and had the pleasure of overhearing one of the party attendees speak disparingly about healthcare workers, calling us useless and we should just get on with our jobs knstead of complaining about lack of PPE.
The whole party is morally bankrupt.

Lockdown for us meant we lost everything we had spent 45 years working for.

SD and lockdown rules were ridiculous.

I had to find a job during lockdown as we had lost all income
At work we were tested each day and during working hours we were expected to do a job without masks or SD but come the end of the day we had to spring apart as though suddenly we could be infectious. We were drinking coffee together out side and inside during the day sometimes there was alcohol but then couldn’t do the same after work.

Most people I know who lived in areas where there were very few houses were having parties.
My NHS hospital working consultant neighbour was having parties each weekend.

My Dh is at the moment lay in the critical care unit of our local hospital solely because of what the effects of lockdown did to him.

I find it strange that there is this obsessive counting of deaths and long term illnesses due to Covid. No one counts the long term consequences of the lockdowns.

I can understand why you can’t move on when it is all that is talked about on the news

I stopped watching any sort of news programme ages ago as it just became all about Partygate.

To me all that the mainstream news programmes have done is save me £13.25 per month on my TV licence. News programmes just got very boring. Take away Boris and Harry and they would close down. I don’t think anyone knows how to report on anything anymore without their personal preferences showing
Far from being a neutral organisation the BBC showed itself to be a propaganda machine. There was no balanced reporting There were no real reports on anything but Partygate

Walked into a motorway service station last week and glanced at the tv screen they had in the foyer and saw the news All I saw was Boris and Partygate. Surely there must be more news than this. Boris isn’t even an MP and they are still making news programmes about him.

Well, mine didn't vote! I didn't vote for him and never will, I am interested in knowing why he abstained. What a bloody shower we have at present, not a bit of honour between them.

You don't ever watch/read the news but feel qualified to comment on what is being covered?

If course there's lots of other news. That doesn't mean this isn't important

yep there was no "glory" in her premiership, I really meant their period on top of the hill.
To the roll of shame I would add the supine Met. At first I thought them decent/wise/balanced for avoiding the mad zeal of Derbyshire police, but then became clear that they were turning a blind eye to the misdeeds of our "betters" - they had to be dragged screaming to actually investigate the many number 10 parties. Even now, they are doing the same. No real prosecutions after pics of the shaun bailey party came to light ages ago (how much evidence does plod need?) and only now after more coverage and a vid do they say they will consider things again.
Pathetic/supine/arse licking to power.
One rule for them, another for us.

I'm very sorry for your loss, OP. It sounds fairly traumatic for you still, dealing with the aftermath of your husband's death. I hope you and your children find peace soon.

I lost my brother to covid. I haven't been told to 'move on' but what is the option otherwise? Sit and dwell? Life goes on until it doesn't. People say all kinds of meaningless tripe when they don't know what else to say. It is annoying but words are cheap; platitudes even more so.

Our politicians are self-serving morons and it doesn't seem to matter who gets the job. I won't vote Tory but never have. Those at the top are protected and cossetted from the consequences of their offences and offensive behaviour. That won't change either.

It would be useful though, before the next GE, for the politically astute on MN to post some guidance for the rest of us as to how to best achieve a good result. Not afterwards when the board is covered with finger wagging.

So sorry for your loss @Youknowaboutthepaint

We had several bereavements, health issues unattended to, furlough… we still haven’t recovered fully and it will be a while so you are not being unreasonable whatsoever.

Gov looked after themselves and a lot of people went through in ivory towers.

The bitterness may fade in time but we will never forget these awful experiences or the inequality.

I would urge you to share your experience with the ongoing enquiry, it may help you to vent directly at source, and to get trauma counselling.

Standing with you, you aren’t alone in what you feel xo

I'm angry too @Youknowaboutthepaint and I'm angry for you.

My Mam died in April 2020. I'd like to look every one of the shower of shit who were leading us and tell them what it was like, how it still haunts me, the impact on my Dad after a 56 year marriage. They should hang their heads in shame

If I were you, I wouldn't get over it either. I'm so sorry for what you went through and the loss of your DH.

I think Boris Johnson and pals have no honour - they would say or do anything to maintain power and influence. No scruples. I would rather walk over hot coals than ever vote Tory.

However! I do think the perception that these parties were somehow malicious or laughing at us is wrong. They never believed in lockdown, they always thought it was nanny state nonsense that would harm the economy. They had to impose it because everyone else was and the experts were telling them to. It might turn out that the lives lost and suffering experienced due to lockdown was worse than the alternative. It was a tough one to call, I imagine.

What's wrong in it all for me is that they perceived there would be no consequence of them breaking the rules where others had to suffer or incur penalties for breaking them.

Johnson desperately wants to be liked and that's why he let/encouraged staff to have parties, because he was too weak to impose rules that would be unpopular.

I don't think you have to get over it, but at some point you need to let the ropes of anger loosen a bit for your own sake.

Youknowaboutthepaint

I used to but after watching the same programme over and over again I gave up.

Sitting watching the same programme over and over I think qualifies me to make a judgement especially when I do randomly see the news programme being broadcast and it is still the same content.

Learning to deal with the bereavement isn't what people mean when the call for people to "move on" though.

The bereavement and how we cope with that is an entirely different thing to being asked to ignore/forget/sweep under the carpet the behaviour of people in positions of service and responsibility.

They were in charge! The idea that anyone forced them to anything is ridiculous. If they really didn't think it was the right thing they should have had the power of their convictions. Even then (according to this theory) they were only concerned about the impact on them personally.

Absolutely YANBU. My dad died of covid - tbf he was dying anyway, that is just what finished him off, but it's a very real and deadly disease and the fact that the person who was supposed to be keeping us safe from it was having a right old jolly with his family and employees is sickening. He is a morally bankrupt individual and so are his whole party for not just supporting him, but actively using the pandemic to profiteer - which we're all paying for with our taxes and cost-of-living crisis now. So no, not moving on either.

Much sympathy to you and your family. You have expressed so eloquently the terrible consequences of pandemic decisions and the hypocrisy of our leaders. Perhaps you might consider sharing your experience more widely (letters to newpapers?) or write to your MP. Your DH's story deserves to be heard.

I’m sorry op. I think I’d want their heads on sticks if I were you. You have every right to be furious.

I’ve said this from the beginning, regardless of the partying. I don’t think that normal visiting should have continued but I don’t think that very careful visiting would have made any difference to the spread of covid and unnecessary suffering was caused. I think that basic human rights were ignored but there was so much brainwashing and fear at the time that we weren’t really allowed to say.

I’m so sorry for what you went though. I was married to someone with a very similar personality to Boris so I know it’s just absolute cluelessness and lack of empathy.