The next person who tells me we all need to move on...

[Youknowaboutthepaint]

Is likely to get both barrels.

So many people still seem convinced that "the other lot" would be even worse, even though they can't begin to tell me why.

That Christmas, while our esteemed leaders were partying was DH's last. He spent it at home, in pain, without access to the medical care he needed and without seeing anyone except those he lived with.

A few days later he went into to hospital where he stayed for 3 months, without a single visitor. During that time he was told, alone, by telephone because his consultant was shielding, that his cancer was terminal, stil he wasn't allowed any visitors. He never met his oncologist and I had to fight every day to find anyone who would talk to me about his prognosis/ treatment/pain control/return home.

He came home eventually once they'd managed to get his pain under some sort of control, to die, a shadow of the man his DC had last seen, still officially not allowed any visitors. (Although by that point anyone who wanted to visited, I classified as a carer).

Then we had to restrict numbers at his funeral.

All the while those making the decisions that had affected us so badly were having the time of their life. Most are still in power/working in governement, making the laws that affect us all, dishing out or receiving honours, spending our money. And they've lied about it continuously since.

I'm still trying to support severely traumatised children whose lives were badly affected by lockdowns, even if they hadn't had to deal with all the stuff with their dad.

I'm generally a fairly easy going, resilient sort, but I dare anyone to tell me it's time we got over it.

I agree. I hate her politics but at least May seems to have been motivated by some kind of sense of public duty.

Wow. Don't become a counsellor. I'm assuming you to understand how trauma can manifest. Getting justice and retribution is huge important in healing. Countries that have dealt well with their past wrongs such as Germany far better and healthier countries than places like Russia that have buried all their past ills.

I am so sorry that you and your family had to go through this. There are so many other people in your position. A friend went through a similar experience to you with her husband. They had almost no advice or support in the lead up to his death and, like you, the number of people who could attend the funeral in person was restricted. I get the impression that a lot of the 'let's move on' brigade ignored the lockdown restrictions. They want to move on because they don't want to be reminded of the pain and losses other people experienced.

Also we shouldn't move on, as if ever there is another pandemic, we need to have a much better plan and much better health as a nation in order to be able to deal with it.

I agree with you, dear OP. That sounds so patronising but I really feel for you. I was diagnosed with cancer just after the first lockdown, in the Netherlands. The appointment to discuss my treatment plan was held in person at the hospital, and I was allowed to bring one person with me for support. In other words the hospital and the authorities here understood the mental effects of the lockdown as well. Plenty of mistakes were made in NL as well but it was nothing like the absolute nonsense in the UK with people being told not to sit on park benches and whatnot. Children were allowed to play together throughout and playgrounds were never closed off. Not because they couldn't spread the virus but because mental health was also valued.

I'm also furious seeing what the Tories did during lockdown. And with absolutely no fucking remorse (remember driving to Barnard Castle as a sort of eye test)? It's a massive insult to your DH and what he was forced to go through. I'm so sorry that this happened.

Yes, I always did think Teresa May was one of the few decent ones. What Boris did to her was appalling too. She'd got a workable deal and I'm sure he expected just to pick it up and get it done once he outed her, but he ballsed that up too.

What Boris did to her was appalling too.

I think if we've learned anything about Johnson it's that he's either actually fucking you or he's he's fucking you over.

I disagree with probably most of Teresa May's policies (particularly while she was Home Secretary) but she is still a thousand times more decent a person and effective a politician than Johnson.

Because it's as easy as that, isn't it?

I'm so sorry for your loss and pain, OP. You have every right to be furious.

Of course you ANBU! All those who participated should be sacked. Ordinary people who were vilified and fined for doing similar should be reimbursed. Why should people 'move on'? The participants are morally corrupt and not fit for purpose. Do we really want them running the country?
The sight of our poor Queen sitting all alone at the Duke of Edinburgh 's funeral spoke to me as it was happening to thousands of poor souls across the UK. Not to mention those in hospitals and the elderly in care homes, some of whom were without visitors for months.
Shame on the Tory Party! Except, of course, they are so entitled they feel no shame.

I’m so sorry for your loss op, and @AP5Diva , and all the others who have told their stories here. Give them both barrels - I’ll be your loader so you have give them two
more straight afterwards.

I watched the dancing video and even though I knew about the parties and had read all the accounts of broken swings and suitcases of booze, it was still jarring to see. At the same time that was filmed, the centre of our village was being flooded out and we were trying to help as much as we could while social distancing. And meanwhile, pissed up Tories were crashing into tables and joking about ‘bending the rules’. 🤬

Mind you, it’s now at the point that it’d be more shocking to see a video of those tossers actually doing any work… but fuck’em. I hope they get their arses handed to them at the next election. For Eat Out to Help Out. And Fuck Business. And the parties. And the lies. And the mini-budget that’s left so many of us crippled. For Michelle Mone and her dodgy PPE. For the testing debacle that left so many of us scrabbling round to try and get tested. For the care homes. For the nurses and carers and doctors left wearing bin bag aprons, and scrubs that people made them from old bed sheets. For all of that and more. Out with them.

Teresa May is the only one of the last 5 Prime Ministers that actually deserves to be remembered with any sense of respect for the job she tried to do.

Is that you Sunak?

what a nasty, disrespectful post. DFOD.

I'm so very sorry for your loss. No words adequate for what you all went through.

Isn't she just. I'm not a fan and don't share her beliefs, but it was clear that she did the absolute best she could in the situation she was in. Whereas other PMs just do whatever best suits their own personal interests from day to day.

and Shaun Bailey should have his honour withdrawn immediately - stand him on westminster bridge, get him to hand over whatever gong/congratulatory letter he was sent (effectively signed by Boris and Rishi) and chuck it in the river. Then tell him to walk straight home. No transport, no phoning.
So sorry for your loss OP - yes you have every right to be angry.
Eventually you will move on, take comfort that this country and its people are far better than those tosspots.

I’m so sorry for your loss.

I have no words left for this gov and the contempt they have for ordinary people.

yep = am no fan at all and that speech she gave outside Downing Street on her supposed social programme was pure flannel. Her job with Brexit was a thankless task - poisoned chalice. I respect her for sticking around in the commons as a back bencher. Lots, including of course Blair, couldn't stomach this after their period of glory.

Wow what a powerful, eloquently written post. Your post brought me to tears, big ugly messy tears. Your’s and your family’s love for your husband shines through and what you’ve all been through is unimaginably awful and incredibly unfair.

I agree with the whole sentiments of your post and we as a country should be angry and we shouldn’t just sweep it under the carpet and move on and let them get away with it. Families were destroyed and they carried on doing exactly what they wanted. They need to be held to account.

If you are talking to the OP that’s insanely disgraceful and you should be ashamed of yourself

i think this is another reason why it hurts so much. with the benefit of hindsight and in the calm after the storm, we are left questioning why we meekly complied.

at the time, with what we knew, it seemed the only thing to do. we had no choice, we were doing the 'right thing'. we were saving lives, protecting the vulnerable, saving the nhs at a huge cost to ourselves :(

Well said. I've read from the report that the plan was there and could have been implemented. But it wasn't. Deliberate decision and failing.

I keep thinking of the 13 Yr old boy who died alone, his parents weren't even allowed to attend his funeral because one of their dc had covid symptoms. They had to watch their baby being buried over zoom.

It was barbaric, and a real abuse of power.

Vulnerable people do not live in a vacuum. They aren't all 80 years old in a nursing home. They are parents, children, grandparents who do childcare. What's your bright idea for how we could protect the people who were at risk while still maintaining a fully functioning society?

The cunts at Tory HQ were partying because 1. They'd probably already had it, and thought they were protected, and 2. they knew their position and influence would give them preferential treatment if they were very ill.