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The next person who tells me we all need to move on...

396 replies

Youknowaboutthepaint · 20/06/2023 07:31

Is likely to get both barrels.

So many people still seem convinced that "the other lot" would be even worse, even though they can't begin to tell me why.

That Christmas, while our esteemed leaders were partying was DH's last. He spent it at home, in pain, without access to the medical care he needed and without seeing anyone except those he lived with.

A few days later he went into to hospital where he stayed for 3 months, without a single visitor. During that time he was told, alone, by telephone because his consultant was shielding, that his cancer was terminal, stil he wasn't allowed any visitors. He never met his oncologist and I had to fight every day to find anyone who would talk to me about his prognosis/ treatment/pain control/return home.

He came home eventually once they'd managed to get his pain under some sort of control, to die, a shadow of the man his DC had last seen, still officially not allowed any visitors. (Although by that point anyone who wanted to visited, I classified as a carer).

Then we had to restrict numbers at his funeral.

All the while those making the decisions that had affected us so badly were having the time of their life. Most are still in power/working in governement, making the laws that affect us all, dishing out or receiving honours, spending our money. And they've lied about it continuously since.

I'm still trying to support severely traumatised children whose lives were badly affected by lockdowns, even if they hadn't had to deal with all the stuff with their dad.

I'm generally a fairly easy going, resilient sort, but I dare anyone to tell me it's time we got over it.

OP posts:
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heartsinvisiblefury · 20/06/2023 07:57

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Have you tried empathy? Go on, it'll make you sound less of twat.

Ladyofthelake53 · 20/06/2023 07:58

Its an absolute disgrace. Im so sorry for all those whose loved ones passed away alone it terrible x

MagicBullet · 20/06/2023 07:58

@Youknowaboutthepaint , I’m sorry and I also don’t think you can ‘move on’ from that. I think those who do are the ones who havent been affected at all by the lockdowns so feel it was simply a time to spend more time at home.

Weve had a similar situation with FIL. Months and month in hospital on his own, no visitors, as he was dying. MIL couldn’t get any information and they were treating him as if he was well rather than dying iyswim (cue for unnecessary treatments etc….).
Even at the end, he was still in hospital and they only allowed one or two people to come and visit him in his final days (I mean the last 2 days of it life….).
Otherwise he was left alone and confused. Forgotten.

But yes. They were partying because you know…why not? It was Christmas afterall right?

BlinkeredBay · 20/06/2023 07:59

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Stop digging?

And of course their lives were badly affected without the death of their father, whose lives weren’t? Oh the Tory party!

And yes I’m still angry at the Tory party and their lack of respect for the rules that they set.

I

Mumdiva99 · 20/06/2023 07:59

So sorry to you and your family for everything you went through.

Because of experiences like yours I will never forgive Boris. I didn't agree that we should lock down but I did it and followed the rules when many around me flouted them. But to find out that those who made the rules didn't believe in them or follow them has me outraged and furious. Why put people through your level of suffering if it wasn't necessary. And if it was necessary how can parties in downing Street be OK?

I hope he is always referred to as 'the disgraced ex mp BJ'.

NiandraLaDes · 20/06/2023 07:59

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Still traumatised by the tragic and I dare say horrendous death of their father? I would imagine that's a perfectly normal response to such a loss. And you think that the OP, who has lost her husband, who has had to support her children through the loss of their father, should just 'move on'. I've seen plenty of cruel and unempathetic posts in my many years on here, but this is one of the worst.

MagicBullet · 20/06/2023 07:59

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And???

Do you think it’s ok to minimize people’s trauma because you dint get it? Or you don’t think it was that traumatic?
You seem to have forgotten tall the threads in here about how hard it was tbh… from frown ups adults with no issue in their life.

AP5Diva · 20/06/2023 08:00

They already get it from me, so YANBU.

All of the people involved in any office parties should be sacked and prohibited from holding any public office or civil service role for life. No exceptions.

And I think many doctors should also face a public inquiry into the decisions they made during the pandemic. They were given too much power and I think it was abused.

Im so sorry for your DH succumbing to cancer during covid and the fact he was withheld medical care he desperately needed. I lost my dad during covid and my last conversation with him was over the phone apologising for not being allowed to come to the hospital and see him due to Covid. He actually comforted me by saying “It’s ok you are doing what you can do”. He didn’t die of covid, but because he needed an ICU bed and there was no bed for him due to covid. The doctors put a “treatment ceiling” on him so they withheld what would have kept him alive, prioritising younger patients who were less ill for ICU beds. I didn’t know this was what they decided until I read the medical records months after he died. They had told me at the time that there was nothing they could do, that he was end of life- it was a lie- they could have saved him but they just chose to let him die. He was old, Black and I suppose thought worthless to society or a drain on society by collecting a state pension- so they’d decided to leave him in on a regular ward to die and that he would not even be on a wait list or to ask other hospitals if they had a free ICU bed. I still feel guilty and like if I’d been in the hospital, I would have been able to fight for him and had a chance to get him an ICU bed? No guarantee it would have saved him, but the independent doctor who I had that reviewed his medical notes said that he would have had a decent chance if he’d gotten the ICU level treatment.

BlinkeredBay · 20/06/2023 08:00

Youknowaboutthepaint · 20/06/2023 07:53

Jesus wept. Their dad died less than 2 years ago after a traumatic illness where they didn't see him for months then had to care for him and watch him die with very little support. Even in normal circumstances there's still stuff to deal with.

Besides which, you've no idea what our daily life looks like. We largely have moved on, it's the political aspect and the way politicians are still carrying and the way people want to insist that they shouldn't be held to account that makes me furious.

Ignore @Behindthelines, unfortunately there is always going to be one Tory on every forum, wanting to brush all the wrong doings under the carpet.

honeyandfizz · 20/06/2023 08:01

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Reported for being a nasty bastard.

EnjoyingTheSilence · 20/06/2023 08:01

My lockdown and Covid experience wasn’t bad at all @Youknowaboutthepaint , and I’m still sickened by what those in charge did and still do to justify themselves.

it’s also disgusting how they’re conning the country into thinking they’re all the same. No they’re not, they’re decent people out there, not corrupt, nasty, manipulative liars.

What you and thousands of other families went through and are still dealing with is horrific

Ladyofthelake53 · 20/06/2023 08:03

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Horrible comment...

honeyandfizz · 20/06/2023 08:05

Having just lost my Dad who died of Sepsis without us there (end was sudden) and going through grief I can only begin to imagine the anger and utter outrage those affected by this feel. We were fortunate to have been able to take my Dad to the hospital and sit with him for the two days before he died but not being there at the end has caused us so much pain and anguish so I can only begin to imagine how it has affected you all. It is incomprehensible the way the Toris have acted in the face of those who have lost loved ones. My heart goes out to you all and I hope the smug smiles are wiped off their dirty bastard faces very soon.

cantab94 · 20/06/2023 08:06

I'm sorry for your loss op. It was a terrible time for so many. I think the various (often illogical with no evidence) rules appealed to authoritarians that is why people say Labour would be worse and they did not do a proper job of holding the Tories to account which makes me angry. It was other tories who questioned the dodgy evidence for trying to lockdown in christmas 2021 not Labour who always wanted to lockdown more. And they did not have the opportunity to have parties at Downing St as weren't in power but feel they would - they are just as arrogant but hide it better!

Behindthelines · 20/06/2023 08:06

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27percent · 20/06/2023 08:07

There were some people who paid no attention to lockdown rules and it’s easy for them to say move on but for the people who folllowed the rules, some suffered terribly as a consequence. I’m so sorry for your loss op, YANBU

ZaZathecat · 20/06/2023 08:08

Yanbu and I'm so sorry for your situation and the many others like you.

I also get annoyed by the 'move on' brigade. If a court case for a murder takes years we don't say 'oh let's move on it was 3 years ago'. If I get a speeding ticket and don't pay it and it takes 18 months to take me to court, I can't say 'move on'.

BJ is lucky it's only these lies he's getting held to account for.

AllTheGigs · 20/06/2023 08:09

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do you think before you type?

How can they move on knowing what their lives were like, how small their world became, unable to visit their dad, and all this Government Party stuff is all over the place.

Have a word with yourself.

AP5Diva · 20/06/2023 08:09

We largely have moved on, it's the political aspect and the way politicians are still carrying and the way people want to insist that they shouldn't be held to account that makes me furious.

Yes, I’m sick of the minimising: The ‘No one actually died because a dozen work mates had an illegal office party. No one cares. They were under a lot of pressure and why take away their jobs for one bad decision’

Im furious at how anyone could be saying the above. They get short shrift from me when I hear such callous opinions. This shouldn’t be forgotten- people in those leadership/public offices who flouted the laws need to be held accountable for their actions and decisions. And it needs to be more than a £50 fine from the Met.

EarringsandLipstick · 20/06/2023 08:10

I'm really sorry OP. I cannot imagine the trauma you & DC experienced. Your poor DH.

Your story explains exactly why BJ / Tory behaviour was so scandalous & why the investigation & report matters.

Arewehumanorarewecupboards · 20/06/2023 08:10

I think you have every right to be angry! I’m sorry that you have all suffered like this and that you are still hurting. I’m sorry that we have such a shitty government.

NiandraLaDes · 20/06/2023 08:10

@Youknowaboutthepaint , nobody gets to tell you when you should 'move on'. And if they try to, you are well within your rights to tell them to fuck right off. You've been through a significant trauma, there's no set time frame on recovering from that. You take as long as you need to heal, grieve, rage at the heavens, kick things, tell the whole world to fuck off.

And if you need support, it's always (with the exception of the occasional nasty fucker) available here. Thinking of you and sending you love and support.

DeadButDelicious · 20/06/2023 08:13

I hear you OP and you have every right to be angry.

We lost my DH's Gran during lock down (she had a massive stroke) and while we were all trying to figure out which 12 people would go to her funeral, they were having a jolly old garden party. People suffered real losses, real trauma, their lives were irrevocably altered and to know that the people making the rules, standing on telly every day to tell us to obey them were partying makes my blood boil. We weren't 'all doing it' many of us were doing what we were told was the right thing.

Move on doesn't mean process and get past it to these people, it means shut up and stop talking about it because it makes them look bad.

I'm so sorry for your loss OP.

FictionalCharacter · 20/06/2023 08:14

I completely agree. We shouldn’t be told to forgive actions that were unforgivable.

BlinkeredBay · 20/06/2023 08:15

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And think more before you berate a grieving widow and children.

Disgusting

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