The next person who tells me we all need to move on...

[Youknowaboutthepaint]

Is likely to get both barrels.

So many people still seem convinced that "the other lot" would be even worse, even though they can't begin to tell me why.

That Christmas, while our esteemed leaders were partying was DH's last. He spent it at home, in pain, without access to the medical care he needed and without seeing anyone except those he lived with.

A few days later he went into to hospital where he stayed for 3 months, without a single visitor. During that time he was told, alone, by telephone because his consultant was shielding, that his cancer was terminal, stil he wasn't allowed any visitors. He never met his oncologist and I had to fight every day to find anyone who would talk to me about his prognosis/ treatment/pain control/return home.

He came home eventually once they'd managed to get his pain under some sort of control, to die, a shadow of the man his DC had last seen, still officially not allowed any visitors. (Although by that point anyone who wanted to visited, I classified as a carer).

Then we had to restrict numbers at his funeral.

All the while those making the decisions that had affected us so badly were having the time of their life. Most are still in power/working in governement, making the laws that affect us all, dishing out or receiving honours, spending our money. And they've lied about it continuously since.

I'm still trying to support severely traumatised children whose lives were badly affected by lockdowns, even if they hadn't had to deal with all the stuff with their dad.

I'm generally a fairly easy going, resilient sort, but I dare anyone to tell me it's time we got over it.

OP, YANBU, of course. That video makes a mockery of what ordinary people were enduring. Nobody should try and tell you to 'move on'.

The rules were set, the people that set them broke them.

This is what this thread is about.

A persons grief and seeing videos of the people that set them dancing, drinking and partying, whilst husbands, mothers, fathers, sons, daughters died alone.

This happened all over the country, my DH lost a 23 year old nephew, could not attend his funeral.

So it’s not about the strictness of the rules. It’s about the total lack of respect for people. Not only the ones like OP, but all of us following the rules that were set.

Those Tory bastards revelled in their rule breaking, laughing and joking as people died. Applauding the NHS in public and then sticking two fingers up
behind their backs.

@Behindthelines you displayed significant ignorance with your comment and I think you need to take onboard how awful your comment was. Losing a parent as a young person is traumatic and the rituals of loss are important. This couldn't happen due to the government "rules" whilst they ignored them due to a sense of entitlement

Op, I am so,so very sorry. I can't move on from my anger (and didn't have any of your suffering) because the offenders have not had any serious consequences.

Boris losing his job but earning a fortunate isn't any punishment. All the Tory twats who partied and financially benefitted from lockdown continue to do extremely well. Truss/Johnston stood down but we know they are plotting to return...What has happened to our democracy that this might even be a possibility??

The anger people feel is real.

But the lying shower of incompetents are the reason that we are in this mess in the first place. It’s possible (indeed necessary) to be outraged about both.

The rules were set, the people that set them broke them.
This is what this thread is about.

agree. It isn't actually about trauma and loss (of family members, of money) as such, but of course that plays a part because without the rules, set by government, things would have been different.

Everyone who was fined (especially the two women who were fined for walking and drinking coffee, and the party in essex) should be making noise to get their money back.

We are told we live in a democracy and our government is responsible to us. But also that they will do what they like and fuck us because they don't care. People need to let that sink in and decide what to do at the ballot box. But also write letters, write emails, talk in public and point out to the government exactly why people think they should answer for having parties during lockdown.

and if one more person says "but everyone broke the rules" they will feel the sharp side of my tongue - because fuck you, we didn't. And many people i know didn't either.

I totally agree with you and I am very very sorry for you all. My children had to stand outside and talk to their dying father through a glass door. He wanted to touch them and couldn't. Then when he was in his very very last days they were allowed into the room but this was at a point when he couldn't understand or recognise them. There was no funeral as nobody could attend. It was truly awful.

It's utterly shameful that those in charge were issuing instructions which they ignored, and all for the sake of a party. YANBU, I'm so sorry that you and your DH were subject to this cruel treatment, you have every right to be angry about those who decided that the rules were not for them.

@MorrisZapp do you not see that this is so very much not the time or place for that question? 🙄

No at the time I was prepared to do what was needed. I do think once we knew he was dying he should have been allowed visitors and I think some medical staff got a bit power hungry eg not allowing anyone with him when he was given bad news or once it became apparent he was in for a very long time, but on the whole I was "happy" to do what was needed for the greater good.

It's discovering that those in charge weren't and the way they've lied about it continuously that makes me furious.

YANBU, OP. I am sorry for your terrible loss. TBH I feel angry enough thinking of my own family kept apart and my only children lonely at home, missing out on school- I can only imagine how angry you must feel. The sooner we get these disgraceful people out of power, the better.

I'm so sorry for what you and your family went through.

I disagree with pp's that it's purely a distraction from what's going on now. The investigations have been going on a long time. There should be accountability and consequences.

on the whole I was "happy" to do what was needed for the greater good.

It's discovering that those in charge weren't and the way they've lied about it continuously that makes me furious.

this is the whole point, in 2 sentences.

I'm so sorry for your loss xx

You have every right to be furious, this is disgraceful, what your dh and you as a family had to suffer.

So many people who went through similar, I'm sure are annoyed beyond belief how they followed rules, while those in power didn't, suffering unbelievably watching their loved ones suffer at the end of life with no help and not being able to celebrate their life, mourn their death with family and friends.

It's times like these that you need those journalists who frequent here, lifting gossiping stories, they should be reporting on sad stories like these.

All the best to your children and you, I hope you find the strength to get through these difficult times, it's unbelievably hard getting over the loss of a Dad and husband.

I genuinely can’t imagine what that was like to go through and I’m so sorry for your loss.

But is anyone actually surprised that the Government lied and created all these rules that they didn’t follow themselves? I’m not!

I’m sorry but fuck off.

The current government are liars, they look after their own interests and when they know that shit is about to hit the fan they run away and try and throw one of their former allies under the bus. They are not representative of me, they do not look after the general public and are completely self serving.

Is there any evidence that members of the government managed to subvert hospital rules, funeral rules, care home rules etc? It just seems that these are two hugely different things.

So much suffering and loss, so much lost to covid rules. Children being killed by parents because they dropped off usual safeguarding pathways. Mental health crises across generations. Massive economic failure resulting in ongoing poverty for many.

In my view, the rules were illogical and I thought many of them caused more problems than they solved.

But now we have hindsight, which wasn't available when faced with an incurable new illness with no vaccination.

The government did stick to the most horrible, traumatic rules that op and her family suffered so badly by. The broken ones were also broken in gardens and houses across the entire country at the time.

I broke them myself, sorry. I hugged my mum, drank in my sisters garden, and let my son play football with friends when the local council forbade it. I don't want to defend the indefensible, and BJ will rightly never see office again because of his appalling record. I just don't think that a group of people, however repellent, can reasonably be blamed for the horrors created by a new, airborne disease.

Idiot. The sort of person who thinks you “get over” a loss. FYI, you don’t, you learn to live with it, it takes a long time and a lot of pain.

@Youknowaboutthepaint I’m so sorry for your loss and I hope you and your children can access support if you want it.
You're 100% right, the lies, the partying and now the honours are too much. I wish everyone who could be identified could be prosecuted. Of course the Tories and their supporters want it all swept under the carpet.

Completely agree, OP. I will never forget or forgive them, and especially not while the same party is still in office. The Conservatives are corrupt, morally bankrupt and incompetent and the sooner we see the back of them the sooner the country can start to recover.

On the day of THAT party, I was at my dad's funeral. There were 12 people there all sat 2 metres apart and wearing masks.. We were still grieving for mum who had died a few months earlier, again with strict rules surrounding her funeral and how we could grieve. I will never forgive or forget those who metaphorically pissed all over the graves of my parents.

Thoughts are with you and your Dc's OP

💐

I'm so sorry for what you and your children had to go through

I don't think any of us should just move on from this. We need to show them how bloody angry we are with them all!

My elderly dad had to sit socially distanced in the bloody garden (when we were allowed to) or on a chair in his doorway while I stood on the driveway.

He eventually ended up in hospital and was only allowed one, one hour visitor slot for one person each day. You had to book your slot to ensure there wouldn't be too many people on the ward at once. There was me, my two siblings, my dad's partner, my SIL and niece that all wanted to visit him. We had to take the slots in turn so sometimes couldn't see him for days.
So no, I for one, will not just bloody move on from what those cheating, lying bastards did!!!!!
What really riles me with these videos, is the fact they think them partying is funny, while thousands and thousands of people were struggling and dying. Absolutely bloody disgraceful!!!! And BJ's smug smirk when he assured us all that no parties had taken place.

Oh and to the people that brag that they broke the rules or imply that everyone did - I BLOODY DIDN'T!!!! I trusted that what I was being asked to do was for the good of everyone.

I imagine we only know about the tip of the iceberg as well.

This. Partygate was a symptom, not a distraction.

Grrrrr. Why the hell do we have to wait upwards of a year before we can sack the scum ourselves????

Whilst I generally agree with a lot of your comment, I think it's worth noting that on a population level, what they did probably didn't affect anyone negatively and personally. However when you are living with the pain of trauma of having a loved one die without you there, or receive life changing news with no hand to hold, or be told their unborn baby won't make it to a viable age, all alone, I can also see why people do take it personally. They have to live with that trauma forever.

Very sorry for your loss.

My experience has been lately that I am only just realising what some others went through during lockdowns and pandemic. For lots of reasons I was so busy coping and trying to survive - most days I'm surprised I'm still here - I did watch the news radio every day but that wasnt't a true picture.

Trauma is a normal reaction to an abnormal situation and recovery can't and shouldn't be rushed. So no, no one has the right to tell anyone to 'move on'.

I'm finding what some are trying to do with the 'party' scenario - is to rewrite history for their own benefit.

We shouldn't let them. And we shouldn't let them take our hope for a better future either. We are not the lowest common denominator of humanity. We are human beings and deserve better.

And while we are on, the next time someone tells me that they can't be bothered to turn out and vote - I'm tempted to punch them in the face. Women died so that we could have that vote. So use it, and use it well.