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Original poster

Is everyone on MN no contact with at least one of their family?

130 replies

Lentilweaver · 18/06/2023 16:39

It seems like it sometimes. As all the advice is either go NC or do something so ill-advised you might as well go NC ( like refuse to answer the door to your MIL or present your mum for a bill for food she ate or something)

I am not NC with any of my family, btw. Yet. Though if DH snores any more, I might be.

OP posts:
Hotandverybotheredagain · 18/06/2023 21:17

I have a very healthy relationship with my children who are adults…cannot imagine ever falling out with them ! We are a family that do not’ do drama ‘ ! Very close to my sister but not brother l
Have NC with my brother since 1995 who pissed off to India ,cannot forgive him for his behaviour towards our darling Mum .

Beezknees · 18/06/2023 21:23

Hotandverybotheredagain · 18/06/2023 21:17

I have a very healthy relationship with my children who are adults…cannot imagine ever falling out with them ! We are a family that do not’ do drama ‘ ! Very close to my sister but not brother l
Have NC with my brother since 1995 who pissed off to India ,cannot forgive him for his behaviour towards our darling Mum .

I don't "do drama" either. The reason I am estranged from my father is that he was a crap father, he cheated on my mum, fathered 5 kids with 4 different women, never paid a penny for any of them, would leave me in the care of random people so he could go out, was in prison numerous times throughout my life, hid his criminal friends in our house from the police, took drugs around me when I was in his care, etc etc. And still cries the victim and pretends that my mum was a terrible person who poisoned my mind against him.

Lifeetc · 18/06/2023 21:24

Yep my father and his family ,ten years plus. Spoke to one cousin on that side at my nephews third birthday (nephew now 7)
Speak with my sister in law she's lovely.

Interested in this thread?

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Families
SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 18/06/2023 21:28

Lentilweaver · 18/06/2023 16:39

It seems like it sometimes. As all the advice is either go NC or do something so ill-advised you might as well go NC ( like refuse to answer the door to your MIL or present your mum for a bill for food she ate or something)

I am not NC with any of my family, btw. Yet. Though if DH snores any more, I might be.

Well - the MNers who have good relationships with their family are not going to be posting on here with the sort of accounts that make other MNers suggest going no contact, are they, @Lentilweaver? Since the happy families aren’t going to be posting on here, the accounts from the people who do have toxic relatives are going to stand out disproportionately.

PollyCreo · 18/06/2023 21:30

I went NC with my brother for ten years. He was married to the most horrendous woman who destroyed him and cut him off from his family. I told him I would never speak to him again as long as he was with her, she (and him) caused so much pain to my parents.

They eventually split up but it took a long time for me to forgive him for his crappy behaviour.

AsCloggedAsADysonFilter · 18/06/2023 21:36

I’ve witnessed similar @PollyCreo , heartbreaking and no one lives forever which makes it even sadder for parents who don’t live long enough to see the return to the fold.

user50316 · 18/06/2023 21:43

Not NC but AL as I call it (arms length!) with some extended family

Toddlerteaplease · 18/06/2023 21:48

Nope. I've never refused to speak to anyone in my life.

RudsyFarmer · 18/06/2023 21:50

How did you know? 🤣

GalileoHumpkins · 18/06/2023 21:51

Toddlerteaplease · 18/06/2023 21:48

Nope. I've never refused to speak to anyone in my life.

That's incredibly simplistic, do you think going no contact is really just refusing to speak to someone?

PenelopeTitsDrop3121 · 18/06/2023 21:55

Yes my brother. Been 4 and a half years now and it's great not having the narc in my life.

alwaysmovingforwards · 18/06/2023 22:01

I've got lots of distant family members I just don't see very often and we don't have each other's contact details.

When we are together at big weddings and funerals might say hi. Or might not speak as we don't know each other very well and spend time talking to others.

So does this count as NC?
I'm never sure these days..

Bunbuns3 · 18/06/2023 22:01

I think in this day and age it is quite normal. Family just does not mean the same to people as it used to.

Despite what people believe this prevelant throughout the western world. The UK just leads the way, but other European countries are quickly catching up with their family estrangement and indifferences. I do find it incredibly sad but it is the time we are in.

If you happen to have a large close knit family, that you can call upon at any time for anything, count yourself very very very lucky.

keffie12 · 18/06/2023 22:03

I'm in no contact with certain people on my late mom side of the family. Two cousins.

I'm also in no contact with my late husband, 1 sister, and 1 of the 3 brothers.

Contact is minimal with the others from my late husband family.

PollyCreo · 18/06/2023 22:08

AsCloggedAsADysonFilter · 18/06/2023 21:36

I’ve witnessed similar @PollyCreo , heartbreaking and no one lives forever which makes it even sadder for parents who don’t live long enough to see the return to the fold.

It nearly destroyed my parents, they never got their heads around the whole thing as they'd welcomed SIL into their lives. It took me years to forgive my brother for being so weak but even back then I knew he was trapped in an abusive relationship.

Toddlerteaplease · 18/06/2023 22:09

@GalileoHumpkins well since I've never been non contact with anyone. I wouldn't know.

ODFOx · 18/06/2023 22:10

We talk to everybody in our family but especially since COVID we don't see everyone as much as we'd like.

ASGIRC · 18/06/2023 22:22

My family is all lovely!
The only people in my extended family Im not in touch with are my step siblings, cause theyre shit, but even then Im not completely NC, more like LC.

Everyone else is a big part of my life! Even the step cousins I only see once every few years are great!

nobodysdaughternow · 18/06/2023 22:34

Lots of obtuse replies...it's not that people value their family less 'in this day and age'.

Adult children who go NC didn't have a choice because some human beings are beyond shit.

Interesting how op puts divorcing her spouse into the NC category. And others who don't talk to distant cousins or the rather lovely poster who has never 'not spoken' to anyone, ever.

Trivialising abuse and frolicking in smugness because they were the lucky ones.

GreyCarpet · 18/06/2023 23:07

nobodysdaughternow · 18/06/2023 22:34

Lots of obtuse replies...it's not that people value their family less 'in this day and age'.

Adult children who go NC didn't have a choice because some human beings are beyond shit.

Interesting how op puts divorcing her spouse into the NC category. And others who don't talk to distant cousins or the rather lovely poster who has never 'not spoken' to anyone, ever.

Trivialising abuse and frolicking in smugness because they were the lucky ones.

Quite.

I would have potentially lost my children if I'd wanted to keep in touch with my mother.

I can't even say if I'd chosen to maintain a relationship with her because we didn't have one.

She was quite troubled and rejected me at the age of 3 because of something i did which she saw as a rejection of her. I know this because she threw it back at me until my late 30s and would still do it now.

She didn't love me, didn't like me and destroyed me as a person. Deliberately. It was her punishment. She felt very angry that I was the child she had.

I tried many tines over the years to build a positive relationship with her and she rejected them all.

I was certainly not going to prioritise her over keeping my own children when she spent 34 of my 37 years sabotaging and abusing me.

ButterflyCharm · 18/06/2023 23:19

I am NC with one sister, she ran off with another sisters husband, that sister had a complete breakdown and has never been quite the same. We all eventually went NC after our Mother died.

Catsmere · 19/06/2023 03:57

I am NC with my violent alcoholic brother and have been for forty years. Ditto my late adulterous pedo father. My mother and sister are the only remaining members of the family that I know.

Phoebo · 19/06/2023 04:07

I am with a cousin I was extremely close to (like a brother), he went downhill and was like a different person and started being abusive towards me for about 2 years and actually NC with me, it was a relief. He's since tried to get in touch, but I won't. I still feel very sad about it, but I saw another side to him and would not be able to deal with all the stress he pit me through, especially now I have a child. It took a long time to come to terms with, you grieve it, it's like a death.

cornflakesandtea · 19/06/2023 04:51

I am NC with a sibling. I wish I hadn't have had to go NC with them, but I just couldn't deal with their behaviour and attitude anymore. I don't regret the peace that going NC has given me but I do regret the difficulty it has put our parents in (feeling stuck in the middle) and that I no longer have a relationship with my nieces and nephews (and my children with their cousins who they were once very close to).

xogossipgirlxo · 19/06/2023 09:51

My husband is NC with his sister. I am LC with mine since all the mischievous comments she told me since I'm pregnant. I just couldn't take them anymore.