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Original poster

Is everyone on MN no contact with at least one of their family?

130 replies

Lentilweaver · 18/06/2023 16:39

It seems like it sometimes. As all the advice is either go NC or do something so ill-advised you might as well go NC ( like refuse to answer the door to your MIL or present your mum for a bill for food she ate or something)

I am not NC with any of my family, btw. Yet. Though if DH snores any more, I might be.

OP posts:
Nomorenonbinary · 18/06/2023 17:12

NC with my whole family. My parents were incredibly abusive and my siblings sided with them.

Happened long before I knew Mumsnet existed.

IDidntFloatUpTheLaganInABubble · 18/06/2023 17:13

Yep NC with 3 siblings and their children

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 18/06/2023 17:14

Hardbackwriter · 18/06/2023 17:01

I have good, close and loving relationships with my own parents, my sibling and his family and with my in-laws. Which makes me very lucky and also means that I very rarely post about family stuff on MN because I just don't have much to say. You're always going to hear more from people who are struggling in that area of their life, it doesn't mean it's representative.

Exactly my position, except that my in-laws have been dead for over 30 years. There's nothing much to say about any of our family relationships, so I don't say it.

Interested in this thread?

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Families
lovecountrycottage · 18/06/2023 17:14

I'm NC with 1 member of the family and majority of them I am limited to hello, hi on common functions

TribbleWithoutACause · 18/06/2023 17:14

Very extremely low contact with my Mother, mainly for my mental health.

I’ve made a rule that if she rings, I’ll return or answer the call and be polite. But otherwise, I don’t talk or contact her.

The absolute irony is that she is doing the same to me and my DC’s. There wasn’t a big blow out, no major drama. I just one day decided to just not.

PimpMyFridge · 18/06/2023 17:14

On my side, I'm NC with some aunts, uncles and cousins. Has been that way for about 20 years. I wish it was different but I'm now at peace with the fact that reality doesn't match my wishes.
The nail on the coffin was the fleecing and scamming by them of my dying Gran (their own mum/GP) I went nc.
On DH's side we are NC with sister. This was not our choice. There was a perceived offence over a decade ago, we tried to communicate to clear the misunderstanding, tried everything we could and were told to get lost, she had made her mind up, no long back story of difficulties, in fact I would have said we were close.
In both cases I tried to avoid the outcome we ended up with and an usually known for being caring and supportive, you just can't stop people making the choices they want to make sometimes.
Personally, I think if you treat people well and with respect people don't usually go NC with you unless they are the ones who can't find compassion and respect for others themselves. So these situations invariably involve bitterness or selfishness or intolerance somewhere.

Cornishclio · 18/06/2023 17:16

No thankfully but my family is not huge. We see our DDs and GC regularly plus my mum and siblings and niece/nephew. My Dad died a long time ago. We don't all live near each other so not in each others pockets but get on well enough when we do get together.

SoccerStars · 18/06/2023 17:17

ProudThrilledHappy · 18/06/2023 16:56

I’m NC with my whole family. Like a previous poster, my only regret is not doing it sooner.

There comes a time when you realise the people who are supposed to be supportive to you are actually incredibly damaging. If that’s not something you can understand then you have been blessed with a good family

I could have written this post. I was actually reflecting earlier today on how some people are so blessed to have supportive (or at least non-toxic) families.
im NC with a lot of my family . Nothing to do with Mumsnet advice lol

readbooksdrinktea · 18/06/2023 17:18

I am. It's not a choice I have made for shits and giggles. I also wish it wasn't necessary, but it is.

ParklifePenguin · 18/06/2023 17:20

I have been LC. But overall recognised they were doing the best they could despite their difficulties

GreyCarpet · 18/06/2023 17:22

I'm NC with my mother. I'm still suffering the results of abuse that started when I was 3 and went on until I was 37 when I last saw her. That was 11 years ago.

I should have cut contact with her before that but I had no idea people did that. But I already had very limited contact with her and she was never left alone with my children. I couldn't see how bad the abuse was (I knew she wasn't very nice to me) because I lived immersed in it for my whole life.

Eventually the police became involved because of her behaviour which triggered a safeguarding alert with the LA. We had a SS Initial Assement during which I said we'd have no further contact with her.

They were happy with that and closed the case but said they'd open Section 47 Enquiry (child protection core assessment) and go for removal of the children if it came to light that contact had continued or resumed.

ThreeRingCircus · 18/06/2023 17:23

I'm not (well, other than cousins that I see approx every 5 years at family events but don't speak to in-between. I don't class that as NC though as there's no ill feeling.....we just have nothing in common.)

People who have loving, supportive families are less likely to post on here about issues with family relations compared to people with toxic families so I don't think it's representative.

Original poster
Lentilweaver · 18/06/2023 17:23

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 18/06/2023 17:14

Exactly my position, except that my in-laws have been dead for over 30 years. There's nothing much to say about any of our family relationships, so I don't say it.

Show quote history

More or less the same, I guess. Though inlaws are far away. If they were near, I might be posting about them! It's easier to be tolerant of people you seldom see.

OP posts:
WaitingfortheTardis · 18/06/2023 17:26

Not me, there are a few relatives I'm not close to so don't really see much but there's no-one I'm actually no fontact with. I'm fortunate not to have had any abusive relationships (physical or mental) or anything serious like that and other than those reasons I just think life is too short.

Lampzade · 18/06/2023 17:28

I am NC with two half siblings ( share the same father) because they are just awful people and I wasn’t going to spend one more second trying to appease them .
I do not regret the decision

ParklifePenguin · 18/06/2023 17:30

I have a half-sibling I don't talk to, simply because we have nothing in common. She is invited to family occasions and chooses not to come

Assignedtoworryyourmother · 18/06/2023 17:35

Some people on mn are NC for very good reason. Others, I wonder how they function in every day society with their level of drama.

PuffinsRocks · 18/06/2023 17:35

I was NC with two family members before they died. IRL, I don't know a single other person who is NC or LC with anyone, and most people really don't understand why anyone would need to do this because most people haven't experienced that level of abuse in their childhood. I have had some extremely nasty comments IRL about my choice to avoid contacting the people in question and it's nice to come to MN where people actually "get it" and rarely come out with things like "but he/she died alone!!!! How could you be so heartless??" without being in possession of the facts.

TerfIngOnTheBeach · 18/06/2023 17:37

👋 I’m not. I have a very ordinary family, average size, no one is perfect. We don’t live in each others pockets but the closest ones (horror of horrors) can just rock up unannounced anywhere and the kettle is on. They even unlock the door and let us in! It’s reciprocated too.

that’s not to say we’re super close with all extended family and cousins, we’re not. They’re just extended family, see you at a wedding or funeral, maybe.

all my friends have very similar families, we have those black sheep’s and those that are a bit different, but generally speaking we just get along.

Soubriquet · 18/06/2023 17:38

Yes Sad.

My mil is toxic. Seriously toxic. She used to abuse dh including whipping him. We agreed to give her a chance with our dc and promised her if she ever raised her hand, she would lose everyone. She swore she wouldn’t.

Found out she was smacking my dd. She tried to downplay it but no we stood firm and walked away. She has turned up once at the house begging to see her grandchildren and we have told her no chance.

I have nothing to do with my family apart from my Nan. Unfortunately, they do not like my dh. My MIL got into their heads and they hate her. They can’t get near her so take it out on my dh so I’ve had to walk away from them too.

It sucks. I think of how I grew up. Surrounded by my family. Family bbq’s. Days out. Holidays.

My children get none of that and it breaks my heart but I also have to protect them. They shouldn’t have to hear how much of a piece of shit they think their dad is.

caringcarer · 18/06/2023 17:41

I get on very well with my family and in-laws.

Topseyt123 · 18/06/2023 17:42

The only formerly close family member that we now have virtually no contact with is my BIL (DH's brother).

He is an alcoholic who has often been violent and obnoxious when drunk and that is why. He behaved appallingly when MIL was very ill and after she had died so after the estate was sorted out and divided up as per her wishes it was no longer possible to maintain the relationship.

That was almost 10 years ago now and I don't think we're even sure where he is anymore. If he were to make contact now with DH then they would probably have the odd conversation by phone but not much else. They have little in common.

I have never been no contact with any members of my side of the family though there are a number of its wider members who I really wouldn't know as I hardly saw them growing up and we didn't live at all near to each other. We still don't.

Eyesopenwideawake · 18/06/2023 17:43

Yes, adoptive father (his choice) and adoptive brother (my choice).

ALongHardWinter · 18/06/2023 17:46

I am NC with one of my brothers. We fell out over my late DM's will 10 years ago and haven't spoken since.

DaisyWaldron · 18/06/2023 17:46

NC with my mum. It wasn't my choice, and it was several years before I told anyone other than DH because I was so ashamed and devastated.