Son hurt me. With this (pic)

[271726a]

My son is 16 he kept going on at me over food . I feel ill. I have food in freezer /cupboards . He does not want it. He would not leave me alone. I feel total shit. My other kids are ill as well. I told him to leave me alone.

He then went to his room. He still kept messaging me over food. I'm the end I went to his room and said stop we are ill you need to stop your 16 your old enough to sort yourself food.

He told me to get out . I did I closed the door. He then came out a throw a bottle at me. It don't seem like much but it really hurt . He's been aggressive in the past. And really nasty . But he's never physically touched me.

I can't take this anymore. I told him tp leave he's gone I have no idea where i think he will contact out of hours social services.

I did not ask because you said in your op that he has never physically touched you before! It is not other people’s responsibility on here to be psychic or know what is happening without being given the information! I did not feel the need to ask sorry! As I have said, now that you have told me that he has been physical then I have the utmost sympathy for you! But I’m not getting into an argument about what you didn’t say in your op! If you want people to know and understand you then you need to post the full story in the first place. Your original post DID imply that you kicked him out because he threw a bottle of Baylis and Harding at you! Let’s leave it at that.

In mitigation if teh whole rest of teh family are ill, it is possible he is coming down sick too which may affect his behaviour (no excuse , but it is a reason).

@NeverDropYourMooncup I don't care about your size just about the truth in what you wrote, you said you were suspended in the air with your feet dangling, so off the ground, while someone held you one handed. At any weight that would be quite a feat, I mentioned your weight because at 15 stone that would be as much as a record holding power lifter. I don't think misrepresenting male violence does anyone any favours, including victims.

Yes this is a recurring issue on MN. I'll be honest, I sometimes see complete failures of imagination and empathy by some posters on MN. It's like there's a whole grubby underbelly of challenges that they're just completely unaware of.

OP, I suspect there is a lot more to this story than what you're sharing, some of which might not cover you in glory. But I'm saying that with kindness because in general people are doing the best they can at that particular time. Your son crossed a line today. He had no right to treat you in the way he did. He's clearly unhappy, he's unable or unwilling to self-regulate and he needs support with this. He may well also be entitled or have had poor role models, especially the males in his life.

None of that changes the fact that it's not acceptable for him to do what he did today. 100% see if there's someone else who can help out this weekend with a safe place to stay and then on Monday you need to get onto SS and tell them that your family is breaking point, that you and your younger children are at risk and you need help now. Get onto the GP and tell them that you're breathless all the time and need urgent help. It might be something as simple as being anaemic and needing iron tablets. If you're going to drip feed that you're twenty stone, you need help with managing your weight.

But you need help and you need to ask for it now, before things get worse. You and your family need help and that includes your son. But that doesn't mean he gets to injure you.

I just seen the reply to this after I posted my initial question asking his relationship to his dad.

I assume his dads absence may be at least part of his anger. Do the other children have their dad around? If so, even more of a reason for him to be angry.

I don’t say this to excuse violence but if we understand the reason behind someone’s actions, it’s more likely a solution can be found .

When he's 16 and been through male puberty, he will have a lot more strength to put behind the things he throws at you. That's a large part of the risk to the OP.

That’s difficult when running on low energy and disabled. Op has a heck of a lot on her plate.

i have already stated in numerous posts above that the op originally implied that she kicked him out over him throwing a bottle of Baylis and Harding at her! Personally I would not throw my son out over that! Only later on did it come to light that he had done much worse things! But if people aren’t going to state the full story in their original post then you only get an extremely small picture of what happened

Ah, you think I'm making it up. Got it.

i have already stated in numerous posts above that the op originally implied that she kicked him out over him throwing a bottle of Baylis and Harding at her! Personally I would not throw my son out over that! Only later on did it come to light that he had done much worse things! But if people aren’t going to state the full story in their original post then you only get an extremely small picture of what happened

She said that he had been verbally aggressive and nasty in the past in her first post.

I'd call the police again if I were you.

There are some very surprising (understatement) responses on this thread.

Ffs I give up

his mum had let him be knocked about by previous partners when he was younger

Oh look, it's the first rule of misogyny: women are responsible for what men do.

The mother didn't let the boy be knocked around by men, the men chose to knock the boy around and, for whatever reason, the mother was not able, or did not feel able, to protect him.

I wonder how Bayliss and Harding feeling about this “publicity”!

This is someone’s life, FFS, not a practise session for you. Your advice is not needed.

I have a friend who arrived on my doorstep, floods of tears, a bruised eye forming, and begging me to call SS for her, to remove her then very violent 16 year old son from her home. Her daughter was 11 or 12 at the time, I think. The son's verbal outbursts had started to escalate when he realised that he was too big for his mother to forcibly punish him (he'd come and go as he pleased at all hours of the night and, to this day, my friend was positive that he must have been running drugs for the dealer(s) who lived next door to them at the time. They'd had a row that afternoon when she came home from work to discover that he'd not gone in to school that day (Yr 11), and was sat outside smoking weed with the thugs who lived next door to them. She was punched by her son, shoved by one of the two slightly older teenage boys he was sat with, and the row/screaming was so loud that I could hear it in the back of my house, some 500 yards away... She knew that something had to be done - for everyone's sake, including her son, but her main concern was her young daughter. She said that she didn't want her growing up thinking that violence, aggression, even the vile slurs he'd been hurling at her for - it turned out - months. He'd even started calling his little sister (an absolute sweetheart of a girl; she's 18 now and is doing really well for herself, and is a credit to her mum) "that little cocksucker" and "the little bitch", according to her mum - and she was frightened that it'd be her daughter that got punched, or otherwise hurt by him, next.

But she couldn't bring herself to make the call. Because she's the only parent those two kids have, and she was terrified of whether or not she'd be blamed for the way he'd turned out.

So I made the call for her, with her authorising me to do so, through full on ugly crying, to the very kind SW on the other end of the line. The police ended up coming out and arresting him for assault - though my friend didn't press charges, Children's Services were involved because of the younger child, and... my friend's son was removed from the area totally, being placed in a sort of independent housing unit for the kids transitioning out of care (16-18 year olds) 20-odd miles away (first/only local unit with a space, apparently putting physical distance between parent and child placed into the system is very normal). He was allowed to call his mum once a week (although he did call her more often because he had a 'phone of his own), and they found a place for him at a local college where he could sit his exams (the school he'd skived from supplied the work, from what I recall), and they taught him the basics of independent living.

I'm not going to say that it was an immediate fix - because it wasn't. He was very angry with my friend for a very long time, but it gave her the space she and her daughter needed, and a relatively peaceful home where my friend wasn't being called all sorts of names and threatened with violence. She wasn't blamed for the actions of her son, because we know that had more to do with the influence of the kids he was hanging around with. They also used to beat their mother up, according to my friend, who heard it all through the walls - but who just stopped leaving the house entirely, due to the... well, shame, I guess, coupled with the fear of our community's gossips! As far as I know, some 6 or so years later, she's still a recluse, but her sons have gone - one got put in prison, for reasons I don't know why, and the other moved away because he was in trouble with some nasties over the drugs he was peddling.

My friend's son is 24 now, has a 5 year old little girl, and he's back living with his mum and younger sister full time. He's unemployed, yes... but round here, there's virtually nowhere that's willing to employ teenagers/young adults. My own 18 year old son is struggling to find work, too, so it's less of a "my friend's son thing" and more of a local lack of employers willing to give them a chance. But he's matured a great deal, pulls his weight in the house, is fantastic with my friend's granddaughter, and as far as I know, my friend's not even given any verbal off him! They argue, of course they do, but the work the SWs did with him in that unit taught him how to walk away when he feels himself getting angry. At first, when he moved back, his ex-girlfriend was with him because she was pregnant - which was a bit of a tricky time for my friend to handle. She and her daughter did spend a lot of time hanging out with us, whilst they all adjusted, because she just didn't like the ex-girlfriend. And her son was, understandably, protective of the mother of his child. But everything's settled down now, the ex-girlfriend left when the baby was under a year old, and...

Calling SS on your son, @Ds16dv , and having him placed into the foster care system doesn't have to necessarily mean you'll never see him again. And it might do him more good than harm, because he'll have immediate access to counsellors rather than relying on CAMHS for help. It might just be the wake up call that he needs to grow up and realise how fortunate he actually has been. And they won't judge you unfairly - because a 16 year old lad with (I'm assuming, admittedly, as your posts haven't mentioned one) out a father-figure in their life is going to think they're King of the Castle, automatically. This is probably nothing to do with you/your way of parenting (and we all parent our kids differently, rather than necessarily wrongly!), but everything to do with poor MH and outside influences (ie, who he's hanging around with!). My own son has a tight group of friends whom he's known since they were all 2 - and he's the only one who will walk away and come home when the drugs and alcohol come out, having had to call an ambulance out when one of their girlfriends OD'd on Ketamine one night (thank fuck, she was okay, but if he'd not been stone cold sober and acted quickly, she could so very easily not have been - her boyfriend was, to quote my son, "totally off his fucking tits to even notice what was going on - and she was sat right next to him, having a seizure and frothing at the mouth, Mum!"). He's also 6'4, and can be very intimidating, even in jest, so I totally get your concerns and the fear that you feel, because there but for the grace of who knows what, go I... and every single one of us. Kids today have had technology and violence erupt around them at far earlier ages than most of us did. I was 26 years old when the Internet "happened" for bog-standard families - and my 'phone was a pay as you went brick of a thing with an aerial that had to be pulled out to pick up signal! Yes, there were drugs, sex and alcohol... but not to the extent that there is now.

And no woman should tolerate any violence shown towards her, mother or not, in her own home or outside of it!

& for you, OP, if you're still reading this.

We don’t know the reasons behind op’s choices. I was talking about her obvious current disability. It sounds as if she was in better health when she had her younger children.

Yes without this context there is only so much people can say. If he has been well brought up in a safe and relatively peaceful house with a decent amount of affection, attention & protection the responses will be a bit different from a young boy who grew up in a chaotic and unsafe home and is now striking out.

As someone who worked with kids in care, I always felt some parents created monsters of their kids, then when kids inevitably lashed out claimed to be victim and distanced themselves from said child to get rid of their guilt.

Again that may not be the situation at all here but generally speaking I’ve seen this dynamic.

@FranticHare
She 'escalated it massively by throwing him out' ??

I think some people here need to give their heads a wobble.