Son hurt me. With this (pic)

[271726a]

My son is 16 he kept going on at me over food . I feel ill. I have food in freezer /cupboards . He does not want it. He would not leave me alone. I feel total shit. My other kids are ill as well. I told him to leave me alone.

He then went to his room. He still kept messaging me over food. I'm the end I went to his room and said stop we are ill you need to stop your 16 your old enough to sort yourself food.

He told me to get out . I did I closed the door. He then came out a throw a bottle at me. It don't seem like much but it really hurt . He's been aggressive in the past. And really nasty . But he's never physically touched me.

I can't take this anymore. I told him tp leave he's gone I have no idea where i think he will contact out of hours social services.

If your DS was angry and went to his room you should have left him up there to calm down, not follow him up to his room and invade his personal space. Surely you must have realised that would wind him up more.

So so true.
Two wrongs don’t make a right

It’s almost Jeremy Kyle levels on here of people suggesting abandoning a child- He has been allowed to get away with stuff for years most likely-
Throwing a plastic bottle is far less damaging than throwing a child ( Immature at 16) onto the streets.

Can’t believe people do this to children. He IS a child, no matter that people carp on about his tallness ( as if he can help being tall, for goodness sakes.)

I hope he gets support and help he needs.

People used to call kids stupid and lazy before dyslexia was understood. Ignorant disciplinarians still call dyslexic kids lazy and stupid.

I got called rude, weird, and antisocial, when I was actually autistic but undiagnosed.

But sure, buzzwords.

That didn't make it normal behaviour for him to follow her out and throw a full soap bottle at her.

My previous post in reply to caringcarer's post of 01:18.

Ds has not been in school for over 2 years

I'm starting to understand why posters moan about drip-feeding. "DS has not been in school for over two years" would be an example of relevant contextual information that would have been useful from the outset.

I know that the pandemic happened, but he should have gone back like the other kids. Why didn't he? Have the school chased him up? Am I right in thinking that he was meant to take GCSEs this year and didn't?

If you know someone is very angry and prone to aggression it's pretty obvious going into their personal space will antagonise and provoke them. If OP had not followed him upstairs where he had taken himself away, to calm down, it wouldn't have happened. OP needs to take responsibility for provoking her child. Particularly because she says she struggled so much to climb the stairs. She must have been very, very motivated to invade his space. I don't think that's normal behaviour either. But as I said 2 wrongs don't make a right.

I threw my DD out at 16 because she got with an abusive bastard who caused us all hell for years. Nothing I did/said got through to her, she completely changed as a person and tbh I had a lot of anger towards her for ever getting with him in the first place. He was (is!) a rapist; had been accused many, many times but she stuck by him. Rightly or wrongly I judged her for choosing to be with someone like him.

The breaking point came when I was at work and she sneaked him in the house whilst her sister slept. I couldn't do anything about her putting herself at risk but I couldn't trust her to not put everyone else at risk too. God he was vile, I despised him.

What I'm trying to say OP is, I never thought I'd chuck my DD out - we were really close before that happened. Even after she left I worried sick about her, it actually really affected my MH at the time - I used to withhold my number (so she'd answer!) and call her mobile just to hear her voice and check she was ok. I still loved her immensely and worried constantly. I know how difficult this will have been for you.

Please ignore those kicking you whilst you're down, nobody has a clue what they'd do in the same situation - it's ok to think you'd never get to that point when you're looking adoringly at your little 5 year old cutie...totally different when you have an aggressive 6ft'r coming at ya.

I hope you both manage to come through this and he realises the enormity of what he's done. I have a great relationship with my DD now. She came home after a few months, got rid of the rapey fucker and turned her life around - I'm so, so proud of her. I hope you and your boys story has a happy ending too.

Even after going to his room he was sending me aggressive messages. Im.not even going to bother exposing myself

If a woman said "I went to see my husband in his shed, after he nagged me for food by text, to tell him that I wasn't feeling well and he should make his own dinner. He followed me out when I left and threw the full bottle of white spirit at me", the thread would be "LTB" all the way down and no one would blame her for provoking his wrath.

That it's her legally-a-child son and he's in CAHMS already and may be neurodiverse and has missed school for years means that he's perhaps not entirely to blame himself and he certainly needs help and support and it's not as simple as "LTB".

It doesn't make it her fault though.

First rule of misogyny: women are to blame for what men do.

The fact that you think taking him of line is the answer. You honestly think he would not loose his shit at me.gosh I would probably get more than a bottle throwm at me. The fact you think we ate at the stage of taking somthing away just shows you have no idea. It's also clear you have not even read my posts

What has he been doing instead of school for two years?

i absolutely think you are right not to have him back.

glad he has somewhere to stay op

Seriously, just stop. Your advice is awful, it’s not helping OP.

And the way you dismiss it as a ‘plastic bottle’ just shows you don’t give a shit about telling the truth.

You’re not helping OP so why not just leave her alone? She doesn’t want your advice.

@oakleaffy

To directly quote YOU for a thread about crap fathers

Those on here who are smugly judging, until it happens to you {I never thought my husband would leave} you have no idea how hard it is to deal with a very upset child who has been let down by his or har father.

and your closing sentence

I used to be more of a 'Judge' til it happened to me!

Calling people offensive names is not doing you any favours.

What offensive names has she called her?

I thought the same, but the user she's referring to as 'foxesarearseholes' is 'foxesandsquirrels'

I must admit it made me laugh

Oh I see 🤣

Thanks Goodchat

He's not a man though, he's a boy, do you have a 16 year old boy or even a teenager as I do and I think it is up to me and his father to ensure he understands how to regulate his emotions when he gets angry, precisely because I don't want him being a future wife beater!

He has not been in school for 2 years so since 14 what has he been doing instead, he must be very bored and frustrated and is his education any good?

I think there are much wider issues here. Not being in school for the past two years May mean that there is definitely some element of MH/Neurodiversity at play. There is something called the right to choose - Google it and see if it can work for you to get an ADHD assessment. Jails are full of young men with ADHD and poor education. Your son seems to have fallen through the net. You could try contacting your local SENDIASS.

i get it, the violence is hard. I have had a violent child also. But he needs a full evaluation of his needs, privately if needed. His angry, no school for two years, clearly something at play underlying all this and you don’t want your angry young boy to become an angry man. It might help for you to think of him as someone who really needs theraputical input rather than just lashing out. All behaviour is communication and all that.

I haven't read the whole thread because I cannot stand he amount of victim blaming going on. Who the fuck thinks going into a teenagers room to talk to them is justification for violence? No wonder so many men are entitled bastards who treat women like shit.

I'm sorry things are so tough right now. You are a victim of domestic abuse. You are not responsible for the violence perpetrated against you.
You are also not alone, there are organisations set up to help and support, here is a link which may be helpful.

https://www.riseuk.org.uk/get-help/about-domestic-abuse/child-to-parent-abuse

Unfortunately parents often feel ashamed and responsible if their child is violent which makes it difficult to guage how prevalent it is and difficult to get help. Your priority must be the safety of everyone else in the household. Do not underestimate how things can escalate.

Completely agree with this post, the OP is a victim of domestic abuse and this thread is full of victim blaming

Its not victim blaming though as this boy however tall he is is her son, he hasn't been at school since he was 14, what has he been doing? It is clear that is not going to help his mental health at all. In an ideal world there would be a number you could ring to solve these issues quickly and efficiently but back in the real world posters are pointing out the issues with making your own child homeless at 16.