Son hurt me. With this (pic)

[271726a]

My son is 16 he kept going on at me over food . I feel ill. I have food in freezer /cupboards . He does not want it. He would not leave me alone. I feel total shit. My other kids are ill as well. I told him to leave me alone.

He then went to his room. He still kept messaging me over food. I'm the end I went to his room and said stop we are ill you need to stop your 16 your old enough to sort yourself food.

He told me to get out . I did I closed the door. He then came out a throw a bottle at me. It don't seem like much but it really hurt . He's been aggressive in the past. And really nasty . But he's never physically touched me.

I can't take this anymore. I told him tp leave he's gone I have no idea where i think he will contact out of hours social services.

For those who are saying ‘this child will go on to be a man who beats their wife’ - is it not better to sit with the ‘6 ft 4 adult sized male’ once things have simmered down and have a calm conversation about what led to the angry outburst and the violence, why this is wrong? Is this not how we can ensure that young men don’t go on to beat their parents? Otherwise, how will their behaviour ever change?

Because he already has a psychologist doing that role and he has no answer as to why. His mum isn't a trained MH professional, she's the woman he's abusing. How do you expect her to make him realise the "why" and change his behaviour? How do you even expect her to compel her abuser to sit dow and have a calm quiet chat with her? It's impossible, the nature of their relationship precludes it.

https://www.nspcc.org.uk/keeping-children-safe/in-the-home/moving-out/

It's legal to tell them to leave

Where did op say he has a psychologist?? It sounds like he gets nothing even thought she's fought for help relentlessly.

He has had appointments with CAMHS and that is what he tells them (it was in a post by OP)

OP has done the right thing. 16 or not. She said herself that he tries to control the house. She has other children to think about too and I'm sure she doesn't not care about his whereabouts etc.

One day he'll be a man. If the help OP has fought for him to get doesn't work this will be someone's son or daughter on the receiving end of his violence.

Try reading her posts. I've got better things to do than trawl the thread for you.

Absolutely this, there's no way anyone should have to tolerate with being abused or attacked in their own home just because the perpetrator is their child. It's not the OP's responsibility to take their abuse to save the public purse

Some of the post on this thread clearly cross the line into victim blaming

Same

Do you have anyone male who could become a strong male role model to him, should he come home? He needs someone who can get through to him that the way he is going, the only places he is likely to end up is on the streets or in prison. SS are useless, they have so many cases that they close as many of them as they can ASAP.

Thank you so much for that post. It means alot.

It takes a long time to see a psychologist from camhs. An appointment doesn't equal seeing a psychologist.

Aren't you a gem. Having an appointment with a psych doesn't equal regular therapy a d even if he does have regular therapy, they're obviously dragging their feet with diagnosis and support for OP. There are plenty of posts where OP says CAMHS have been worse than useless. So maybe do have a trawl through the threads before you make snarky comments and give this child a diagnosis he doesn't have.

I haven't diagnosed her son with anything at all. I said he is an abuser, that's a fact not a diagnosis. "Abuser" isn't a medical condition. You were snarky and dismissive of my post. I don't owe you "nice" especially when you're incapable of behaving that way yourself.

Have spoken with social services he told them what he done. He told them the back ground that he's done simlar before. He admitted it was basically nothing . He told them the truth basically.

They asked about him coming home because services over the weekend are tight. I said I would rather he did not. I said he could possibly stay at his sisters or a friend's place. I said if they get stuck they can call me back. I told then the reason for this is because he's got away with everything so far it has know become physical and if I let him back i have shown him its ok to do that.

So DS is staying at his friend's tonight. I don't know about tomorrow.

This is a good point about the wait lists.

OP if finances are tight could you apply for PIP for DS - very obviously he has care needs, possibly mobility if he needs to be accompanied when out and about.

If you apply and get it (not guaranteed, but worth a shot, google pip guide online to help) then it might help towards private assessment/meds.

It isn’t easy and I hope you don’t feel anyone is minimising what has happened most lately with your son.

But simply from your descriptions it does seem quite clear cut there is a health problem there that requires attention.

Hes been seeing psychologists at CAMHS for 5/6 months The ADHD assessment is a fuck up . I'm not sure what's going to happen. For a diagnosis it has to be on 2 settings. Ds has not been in school for over 2 years.. so I don't know if he will miss out on a diagnosis which on turn will lead to no help.

OP who told you it needs to be in two settings? That's incorrect. CAMHS across the country is an absolute joke unfortunately, I really feel for you.

Also OP, is he at a PRU? What's the LEA been doing a out school?

Take a deep breath, no need for names.

And as I said to @Achwheesht , your platitudes mean nothing when a woman is being abused by a male much bigger than her in her own home. The physical power balance is in his favour and he knows it.

Minor or not, OP is 100% right not to allow him into her home.

Let SS deal with him.

OP adults manage to get diagnosis of what's wrong with them (if they're lucky!) without anyone to speak for them, except possibly other MH professionals they're involved with. So it's not essential to have info from early childhood, school or anything else. Assessment can be done without these, don't be fobbed off.

Also don't let him come home because if you do social services will wash their hands of the situation. They're not there for you or your other DC in this context, so as long as he's housed fed etc they'll back off and you'll be back to square one.

You need to be a "hard no" approach with them, otherwise they'll lean on you to the point of possibly lying to you about his/your rights or what help is available and what you're legally entitled to. At the moment they'll be going down the route of persuading you to take him back because that's what's cheapest/easiest for them.

You don't want them backing off because that reduces the help he gets, you want them very much involved. A psychologist can't help him sort his life out on a practical level, social worker can. Once he's over 18 it'll be even harder for him to get the help he needs. They like to put everything possible down to "lifestyle choice" because they don't have to help with that. Sleeping on the streets and too scared to go into the homeless hostel allocated due to behaviour of other residents = Lifestyle choice. It's far better he gets the necessary help now.

You may do better if you took him off line for a week instead of throwing him on to the streets. How would you feel if he wandered around all night and got assaulted because you threw him out? Just text him to come home and tell him you'll talk tomorrow. Make sure he is safe. You are his Mum. He was wrong to throw a bottle at you but he will know that. You are wrong to throw a child on to the streets. 2 wrongs don't make a right. Tell him to come home tonight.