Son hurt me. With this (pic)

[271726a]

My son is 16 he kept going on at me over food . I feel ill. I have food in freezer /cupboards . He does not want it. He would not leave me alone. I feel total shit. My other kids are ill as well. I told him to leave me alone.

He then went to his room. He still kept messaging me over food. I'm the end I went to his room and said stop we are ill you need to stop your 16 your old enough to sort yourself food.

He told me to get out . I did I closed the door. He then came out a throw a bottle at me. It don't seem like much but it really hurt . He's been aggressive in the past. And really nasty . But he's never physically touched me.

I can't take this anymore. I told him tp leave he's gone I have no idea where i think he will contact out of hours social services.

They are . Just from what I have read. (I have probably missed a few) he's the oldest child = He's not. He has seen domestic violence =he has not . He has seens DV via his father . I have not seen him since positive pregnancy test . My parenting is fucking awful it must be how I dragged him up . It's my fault hew like this .

And yes belive I have begged for help over and over. It's extremely hard to get . I was often hitting brick walls even CAMHS closed his case,. Before even seeing him. I had to put in a complaint .

@Foxesandsquirrels
There is no one on this thread that's condoning his behaviour, rather worried this is a child with SEN and unmet needs. Where is all this 'throw him out' shpiel when it's diagnosed autistic kids being extremely violent towards their parents.

1. I don't think "all this" is an accurate representation of how many posters over the last 15 pages have actually said "throw him out" or anything like it.
2. There was a heart-breaking thread recently by the mother of an autistic young male (older teen or adult, I can't remember exactly) whose latest attack involved a fist directly down on top of her head that knocked her out IITC, windows smashed and TV/Xbox/furniture thrown out of the broken window and smashed, not for the first time. The replies were pretty much unanimous that she should find him a placement in a suitable sheltered accommodation where staff were trained and staffed in appropriate ratios to be able to handle him, before he killed her.

Police will have a duty of care towards him. There will be a merlin report . They normally try and put things in place for teenagers of that age. As they do not want them to have a criminal record at that age . Thru try and steer them I'm a better direction . My son is a police officer but he can't be involved because he is family but he can tell me bits and pieces like what could happen etc

OP, I am going through something similar with my DD. You have my deepest sympathies. I have been so tempted to throw DD out but the moment I do, I feel that I will not be able to reach. Which is why is saying that throwing out a teen is not a good strategy, once children seek comfort from the streets, that's it and it will be hard to reach them. My ex (who is an abusive) was having issues with his parents and they kicked him out when he was 16. He was homeless, and was sleeping from door to door. He is now in his 30's, no stability, hates his family and no one can get through to him. If only the family sought the help that he needed, then I don't think he will be where he is today. But I completely understand. Sometimes, you just have no choice.

No he needs to stop his violence. He needs to stop controlling my house he needs tk stop staring my kids and exposing them to domestic violence. You honest think I have not tried to get him help . Wtf

Police will just do refferals that's it. You can refuse to have him back home completely and they would have to take him somewhere. I knew a mother who refused the police where at her house for over 3 hours telling her she had responsibility And she had to have her daughter back in but she wouldn't.
The daughter was took to the police station and social services came next morning and placed her in a children's home. While they worked on relationships between them all she went back home 6 months later.
Some parents don't and never have to deal with behavioural issues and its
Hard. Social services aren't there to parent children but when things seem impossible they can help.

Sal

OP says CAMHS have mentioned possible ADHD. He doesn't have a diagnosis.

@Achwheesht

Help needs to be sought

Why isn't op calling social services to help her son find a solution? She's the adult, she can't even seek social services help, that's on him?

Call and say he cnt stay at home tonight and you need professional help placing him somewhere everyone can be safe? You need mediation and intervention.

It the 'he can't come home and good luck to him calling social services im sicky o the teeth of it's which is how it reads. Not to mention the 'my poor babies, they need protecting from.... Erm my other baby who is suffering's

OP has now said repeatedly that she has asked and begged repeatedly for help for him. I'm not so sure I'd do a very good job of putting myself across well in an initial post if I was shaken up, either.

From what I understand, out of hours Child Services would be the best bet to ring, but as he is not under 16 they may not consider it an emergency to help - nor may SS or CAMHS or the police. I do agree that she should try contacting all of the above if necessary to try to ensure that he is safe tonight and while more appropriate longer term help is put in place - but I think you may also be sadly overestimating how much help is actually available for this and even (much) worse situations than this, either tonight or in the longer term.

I 100% believe the OP when she says that she has been trying to get help for him from these organisations repeatedly and been unable to get them to do anything/anywhere near enough - it's very sadly a very common thing to read these days.

You may remember the poster not long ago whose 16 year old boy had been groomed by a woman in her 30s since he was 14/15, and who had been influenced by this girlfriend to move in with her and to cut off all contact with his mother (with a previously very good untroubled mother son relationship), his friends, and to drop out of college. The OP of those threads did absolutely everything she possibly could (and I think still is doing so) and the services couldn't do very much intervention at all, it was heartbreaking to read. I know it wasn't the same situation but what I'm trying to say is that there are a great many times over the last few years that I have read on Mumsnet and elsewhere of how difficult it is to get SS and CAMHS to give appropriate assistance. I have first hand experience of losing two people in the last two years alone to suicide who were CRYSTAL clear cut cases of needing MH assistance and actively seeking out and wanting to engage with services, but our system in the UK let them down, repeatedly. Our SS/NHS/CAMHS/Adult MHS etc are extremely under-resourced, and the help that it is logical and even on paper that people should get, often is just not there, and it's not for want of somebody trying everything they can repeatedly to try to get access to it.

@Foxesandsquirrels

Okay, change my statement to "is under the attention of CAMHS and has a possible ADHD diagnosis". I don't think it fundamentally changes the fact it is is likely that this is a situation where a MH/ND/other disability is likely to be the bigger influencer of his behaviour, rather than bad parenting.

ADHD is considered a disability, what makes you think he has the capability to overcome this alone?

And what makes you think OP hasn't tried and tried to get help for her son but has hit brick walls over and over again?

Do you have a young person with MH issues? It's next to impossible to get the right help.

Quite.

She doesn't want to parent

Is he able to stay with his older police officer brother for a period. A stable male presence and guidance could really help him, if he’s never had that opportunity with his father.

This. Did we really need to see a picture of the bottle! And it's really not that bad. He is a grumpy hungry teen. Look after him

@Achwheesht I agree with every one of your posts. The OP says she is unable to solve this issue but expects her probably ND and mentally unwell 16 year old teen to solve it. Beggars belief

Well, I cannot say the same for my DD, unfortunately, @Achwheesht. I engaged with CAHMS multiple times, I begged SS, the school, the GP, and anyone who would listen for help, and time and time again I was told DD was not ill enough for anything but CAHMS even though CAHMS was not helping.

She's now 19 and has no qualifications, no job, and only 2 or 3 friends left.

Fortunately, we are both finding adult services much easier to navigate and she finally has appropriate support in place. She's waiting for an assessment for possible Autism or BPD currently and has online therapy as she can't face meeting new people. The adult SW I engaged with on her behalf has helped us apply for the right benefits for her.

It's just a shame she couldn't have had this help when she was 13 and her problems started.

So because the OP has tried and failed she expects her probably ND, mentally unwell 16 year old to figure it out? When she herself couldn't?

OP has understandably reached the end of her tether. She is only human, afterall.

No-one has said she should give up. Most posters have advised her to contact SS and ask them to place her son somewhere safe. She needs a break and her younger children need to feel safe in their own home.

Lol. Sometimes calling social services is trying though. My only criticism of op is that she expects her child to do this himself. They won't take it as seriously as when she does it.
However, until you've had to fight and fight against camhs and whatever other service you're reliant on, you genuinely have no idea. We would be in the same position as OP if not for the fact we could afford a private ADHD assessment and titration. Camhs waiting list for ADHD assessments in most areas is min 4 years. Most kids age out of camhs by the time that happens. Whilst they wait their mental health and behaviours drastically get worse and by the time they're on meds, families and those children are broken.

@Achwheesht I don't think she wants him to contribute financially. Just help more in return for the money she's giving to him.