Son hurt me. With this (pic)

[271726a]

My son is 16 he kept going on at me over food . I feel ill. I have food in freezer /cupboards . He does not want it. He would not leave me alone. I feel total shit. My other kids are ill as well. I told him to leave me alone.

He then went to his room. He still kept messaging me over food. I'm the end I went to his room and said stop we are ill you need to stop your 16 your old enough to sort yourself food.

He told me to get out . I did I closed the door. He then came out a throw a bottle at me. It don't seem like much but it really hurt . He's been aggressive in the past. And really nasty . But he's never physically touched me.

I can't take this anymore. I told him tp leave he's gone I have no idea where i think he will contact out of hours social services.

@Ds16dv

I’ve read your posts.

His behaviour is totally unacceptable, but if he is ADHD it is quite common for him to have difficulties emotionally regulating. Particularly at this age - at 16 the pressure is on for exams, he’ll either be struggling massively with pressure or watching others be successful while he completely fails. Same for romantic situations, that could be problematic for him. There are a whole host of things that are difficult and he is taking his angst out on you because you are nearest to him as he is obviously not coping with his life. It isn’t anything to do with the food. Though missing sleep/meals can worsen symptoms.

If it were my child I would want mediation, I would be calling out to every organisation going for support and helpful strategies. If you have other children as a single parent it may be incredibly difficult for you to actually meet the needs of a special needs child. You need more adults on board to sort this. Be that family, friends or outside support workers.

If you kick him out and leave him to fend for himself he will likely get involved in crime and all manner of things as he is vulnerable.

If he is ND, though he has the body of a 16 yr old his mental capacity is probably younger.

As for helping out, household chores, yes of course. But as for working and contributing money, if that’s what you meant, that’s probably not within the realms of possibility now. He sounds pretty messed up.

Please get some counselling support for yourself, and as I say you need outside support for this HUGELY. And strategies to help him and thus the whole family.

He's perfectly capable of seriously hurting her. But he didn't. He threw a small item at her. That doesn't tell you anything?

Regardless of how small a bottle is, if its full and thrown by a 6ft4 16 year old its going to really hurt.

His behaviour his escalating and he's seeing how far he can push things.

If she doesnt react to the bottle, next time will be something more severe.

Creating a child is piss easy

Raising said child takes hard work, empathy and understanding .

One doesn’t just have more kids and sacrifice the older one- Yet time after time this happens.

But being a mother doesn't mean you're stronger and able to take physical assaults better from your 6ft son. He is now a danger to her. No one should have to live with their attacker. Not even a mother.

@chaosmaker ADHD can disqualify you for army.

He isn’t a regular 16 year old.

Throwing a bottle is an attack? Did the OO say he was six foot plus?

Yes really. Try having some empathy for an OP who is ill, had a 6"4 male going on and on about food when he is more than capable of getting his own then became violent when he didn't get his own way. She sounds done in and I dont blame her one bit.

You have no Idea how much I love him. I love him with all my heart . But mw abd my kids have put up with this for a long time. I have begged for help and got no where. My other children have been exposed to this. As I explained in another post my 12 year old hugs me and cries saying I'm scared he's going to hurt you . My youngest 2 sit of the sofa scared and hugging each other ...what about them . Why should they see that shit . Why should I take it. I can't do it anymore I honestly can't

And no one is saying it's not serious. I'm so baffled by this. There is no one on this thread that's condoning his behaviour, rather worried this is a child with SEN and unmet needs. Where is all this 'throw him out' shpiel when it's diagnosed autistic kids being extremely violent towards their parents.

I am totally done in

He's a 16 year kid who has thrown a bottle. Once.

I think to say that's a violent male is still stretching it.

OP is hitting the nuclear option before everything else. That's not parenting.

OP where is he on the ADHD waiting list? Is he on the ASD pathway? What is CAMHS doing? You need to be sending some really stern emails here. Meds can completely turn around a child like this.

Yes to both. He threw something at her with the intent to hurt her and it did. That is an attack. Not an accident. Not an oopsie. Violence.

I'm really sorry you're in this horrible position. I grew up with a brother like that and to be honest it's scarred all of us.

What do you think he'll do now? What will you do if he comes back later on?

I have to say after my upbringing I wouldn't hesitate to refuse to have him in the house. I know it's difficult but the other children need to be protected.

BTW I can't believe how many victim-blaming bastards there are on this thread.

Oh love, ring Social Services yourself. Tell them everything. I cant even imagine how conflicted you feel but you cannot go on like this. Most importantly you need to keep you and your other children safe. See what they say at least.

Google Social Services emergency number and speak to them before he reappears. Stay strong and insist that he doesn't return to the house.

you need help in your management of the situation.

Agreed.
My son took the splitting axe 🪓 to a door when I’d locked his phone away as a consequence

The house resounded with the blows

But he never did it again.

I’d been wishy washy with boundaries- and was partially to blame.

A thrown bottle of bubble bath would have been preferable.

Calm is what is needed- I can imagine a lot of high “ Drama” at Op’s house

lots of shouty crying- ( at a guess) none of which helps.

My son is a man now, and he says communication is the only way.

He said he was desperate for boundaries- Family therapy could help understand motivation

I’d guess also that OP’s son is hungry most of the time - It’s phenomenal the amount of calories teen boys need - he is still a child mentally and Emotionally

Low blood sugar has a bad effect on mood, he’s probably used to seeing younger siblings “ Babied” and feels jealousy.

It’s not easy being the eldest child, the one that parent/s make their mistakes on.

Not helpful really. Sounds like that ship has sailed. What really needs to happen is OP needs to call social services herself and tell them he is not to come back. Whether people on here like it or not, he is a child and OP is still legally responsible for him. If she wants to give that responsibility to SS, she is within her rights to, but cannot just leave it for her child to sort out.

I hate Baylis & Harding products.

I'm disgusted by quite a lot of the replies here. Do we really have to jump to the worst possible assumptions about the poster all the freaking time? Now that we are on page 14+ have some of you even bothered to read all the OP's posts?

Op: I'm so sorry that CAMHS, SS and whoever else aren't giving you anywhere near enough help here. It is obvious that you and all your children would benefit from additional help/support - I guess budgets are just so squeezed these days that they ignore as much as they possibly can.

To the he is a child/he is an adult argument, here's what NSPCC says:

In some cases parents may ask their children to leave the home, for example for financial reasons or a breakdown in relationships.

• Parents of under-16-year-olds are legally responsible for making sure their child has somewhere safe to stay.
• Once a young person reaches 16 they can leave home, or their parents can ask them to move out. However parents are still legally responsible for their child until they reach 18.

So whilst OP is still "legally responsible" for him, she is also legally entitled to kick him out.

Children and the law | NSPCC Learning

OP - NSPCC seems to say that child protection services should get involved if a child of 16-17 years old is made homeless - including trying to help to improve the situation at home so that they can return if they want - perhaps it's worth proactively contacting them to ask for help? If it were me I would make a point of pointing out that due to your own ill health, him staying at home in the current situation is a child protection risk to your other children as you are not physically able to keep them safe if he is being violent.

The amount of victim blaming, minimising, mollycoddling and inexperienced advice on this is disgusting. I wouldn't ask for advice on mumsnet for how to feed a hamster after reading these comments.

Clearly some people have lived sheltered lives where their only problem is entertaining a mother in law at christmas, they have no experience or idea of what signifies abuse - that's pretty clear from their 'advice'

OP alot of these women haven't walked in your shoes or experienced the heart ache of a child growing into a violent person so please don't read too much into some of the replies.

Fucking hell. A 16 year old doesn't need help to make a fucking sandwich! And if they do then you have failed. But he can do it because OP says he can cook. But he's a lazy entitled little twat who's decided it's better to get his sick mother to do it and then attacked her when she said no.
I mean if you'd be happy with your 16 year old behaving like that, carry on but I think the OP has done her son a favour. He needs to learn he can't be an abusive twat without consequences.

Well if you want to talk about mollycoddling, then getting to 16 with a kid who won't make themselves food is right up there...

Repeating one of the OP's subsequent posts: