Son hurt me. With this (pic)

[271726a]

My son is 16 he kept going on at me over food . I feel ill. I have food in freezer /cupboards . He does not want it. He would not leave me alone. I feel total shit. My other kids are ill as well. I told him to leave me alone.

He then went to his room. He still kept messaging me over food. I'm the end I went to his room and said stop we are ill you need to stop your 16 your old enough to sort yourself food.

He told me to get out . I did I closed the door. He then came out a throw a bottle at me. It don't seem like much but it really hurt . He's been aggressive in the past. And really nasty . But he's never physically touched me.

I can't take this anymore. I told him tp leave he's gone I have no idea where i think he will contact out of hours social services.

‘Teenaged Boys get REALLY hungry.
Is there no ready edibles in the house?
brown bread, peanut butter, bananas?

It’s a ridiculous thing to be calling social services over something so trivial.

Always keep a good supply of easily prepared food in the house-

( Foster family down road where we lived once advised this -Very experienced people)’

This made me laugh so much! That’s your advice for op? 😂

How many children do you have in total? Is he feeling that he has had enough attention throughout his life if by the sounds of it there is one Mum and quite a few demands on her time. If you have mental health issues it must have been even harder to accommodate their needs.

Just because he has doesn't mean he doesn't know he shouldn't 🫤 of course he knows it's wrong, he needs to learn he won't get away with it!

It is a fact that teenage boys do seem to be very hungry. She shouldn't have to placate him with peanut butter but why is he such an angry kid!

I have an aunt who married at 15. The age of 16 is arbitrary. He’s big enough, strong enough and scary enough (if this thread is true) to leave. No woman should be subjected to violence.

He quite clearly doesn't know and he is not going to be suddenly angry overnight. What happened the years preceding?

I have done absolutely nothing wrong to him

I’m absolutely not disbelieving you but I have to wonder what your ds would answer to that. ultimately we only see things through our own lens and intentions, how that comes across to others is something completely different.

You believing that isn’t the same as him believing it iyswim. It may be that he’s harbouring some deep resentments towards you that could be resolved if you could give him context. Take the incident you’ve described in this thread, your reasoning is sound but he’s not going to be processing it in the same way is he? He’s going to be licking his wounds over being thrown out.

He attacked his mother because he thinks he can get away with it. She has put up with verbal abuse and aggressive behaviour when he trashed the house, he's now moved on to physical violence. Do you really think he can be talked into being a sweet kind boy now? I think that ship has sailed.

He's an adult-sized male whos perfectly capable of seriously hurting his mother and other children and he needed to be removed from the situation. This doesn't mean she is disowning him. SS can arrange accommodation and ongoing support and contact with his mother under safer conditions.

Yes, he should have had help earlier and it sounds like OP has been asking for help, but currently like all public services SS doesn't have the money or staff to deal with anything less than a crisis situation.

If she takes him back they will withdraw from the situation and Op is back to having a violent male in her home who now knows he can get away with violence towards his mother.

I think some people really don't understand how aggressive and scary a teenage boy can be, I think they are imagining some sweet little boy, not the adult sized aggressive and threatening male he is.

Not really, your anecdote proves nothing other than that's a stupid age to get married, they are just kids. My parents got married at 23 and that was the 1960s they didn't have us until 28 and 30 years old because they don't want to have kids at a young age.

i think you need some advice op
not from here
take a step back
perhaps a parenting course
you can't give up, 16 is a tough age,

I don't know, I just think the posting of the photo of the bottle is a bit much. Like your son has just been violent to you and you're going to chuck him out but hey let's take a photo of said item to post on MN. For what purpose? It seems overly dramatic and somewhat attention seeking if I'm being honest. Which makes me wonder how much you have contributed to this dynamic.

I have a 16 year old son, they are not adults by any stretch of the imagination. You can't just wash your hands of your teenager. The violence needs addressing by someone and in part at least that should be a parent. Unfortunately for the OP the Father is not there or a good person so it is down to a collaborative effort.

If you go by her first comment, I stand by my comment. 🤷🏼‍♀️

She has since drip fed that there has been a lot more behaviour, and this is not a one off.

I still disagree with kicking him out and not ensuring or at least looking for any kind of plan (emergency or long term). He is only 16 - and I’m guessing an immature one at that if making his own food was quite so tricky.

And at 16 the vast majority of people are not ready to fend for themselves. If they were a lot more people would do so out of choice rather than by need.

Im not condoning violence - he was absolutely wrong to throw a bottle at OP, but I really can't see how throwing him out and telling him to ring SS is going to help the situation! As parent OP bears responsibility for her son. Giving him the phone number for a random, whilst staying god knows where, is adding fuel to the fire. Parenting is hard..teenagers are really hard work, even with a stable home life, which it sounds has been somewhat lacking. Talk to him, give him boundaries and consequences - not a phone number.

The 'child' could also join the army at 16.

This. He is 16, if he was in care he would be on his own by now.

This thread is a perfect example of what fosters teen to adult violence. A 16 year old can easily hurt you if he wants to. Good on you OP to read him the riot act and prevent the violence escalating.

Yes, they are, I have just my DS tell his sister to F off as she pushed him out the door as he borrowed her brush without asking. At the end of the day I quickly corrected this but I'm not about to chuck the 12 year old out for physically harming her brother or give my DS an SS hotline for the 'verbal abuse' (by most people's definitions on here) They would look at me like I had lost the plot and rightly so.

I'm with you on that, @NeverDropYourMooncup .

Assuming that he hasn't got additional needs, 16 is plenty old enough to know that you don't go lobbing bottles (or anything else, for that matter) at people just because you're not getting your own way.

Last time I looked, being a punch bag for a stroppy teen wasn't in the job description for being a mum.

He's not a child! He's violent and that's a full bottle which would have been heavy.

I would not tolerate this behaviour at all, I just wouldn't, not happening. I'm with Op 100%.

Yes, it is a perfect example of how these cycles of damage continue throughout generations, make your 16 year old homeless because apparently that's a really good idea and has great outcomes for the kids involved and society. They have DC-1,2,3,4,5,6 in the future and then they going on their own misfortunes chuck their kids out and so the cycle goes on and on.

My aunt is still married to the same man (they’re now in their 70s). Still in love and happy with two lovely daughters who are both in their 50s now. What is stupid about a successful pairing?

My analogy stands as at 15 she was mature enough to marry, run a household and have children.

If he's still assaulting her when he's 18 is she allowed to throw him out then? Or what age is it ok to say that's enough?