Son hurt me. With this (pic)

[271726a]

My son is 16 he kept going on at me over food . I feel ill. I have food in freezer /cupboards . He does not want it. He would not leave me alone. I feel total shit. My other kids are ill as well. I told him to leave me alone.

He then went to his room. He still kept messaging me over food. I'm the end I went to his room and said stop we are ill you need to stop your 16 your old enough to sort yourself food.

He told me to get out . I did I closed the door. He then came out a throw a bottle at me. It don't seem like much but it really hurt . He's been aggressive in the past. And really nasty . But he's never physically touched me.

I can't take this anymore. I told him tp leave he's gone I have no idea where i think he will contact out of hours social services.

Well he's not in another country is he. The age of criminal responsibility is 10 in this country. Are you trying to say anyone age 10 and above is not a child?
No one is condoning what this child is doing, but OP keeps drip feeding more and more and frankly, it sounds like this child has been failed massively. I don't condone his behaviour for one second, but if he's called social services multiple times, than there's a problem within the home and I doubt it's just him. OP needs to push for further support from social services and CAMHS, and at least ensure they know he is now homeless.

“ He does not know his Dad”

That is absolutely tragic.

I wish you knew how damaging this is to children - ESPECIALLY teenaged boys who need a good, stable male role model.

And now Mum is turning her back on him?

It’s desperately sad .

@Ds16dv When your son says “ I hate you” he is probably desperately confused and lost.

He might be tall physically, but inside he’s still a child.

He’s a lost soul at present who needs guidance and calm.
I know it’s not easy, “ Raising Boys” is a good book.

Nope

How exactly does this help Op? What's she meant to do? Track some dead beat dad down? I'm sure OP knows not having a dad is extremely damaging to kids, especially boys.

I agree with not throwing him out but it's the constantly calling a 16 year a child and allowing violent behaviour to be ignored. 10 is a long way off from 16 years I'm afraid so doesn't cut it. He is well above criminal age and mentally more an adult than a child. In 2 years or less depending on where he is at 16 he could go travelling, live on his own and be at university. Stop making out he is a child like a 10 year old.

His mum is unwell and at 16 he can make a sandwich!!! Mental health issues does not prevent him from making himself a snack, throwing a bottle full force and wrecking a house would take much more energy than buttering bread.

you are disgusting trying to guilt trip the OP who is suffering abuse. I bet if this lad started slapping about your daughter you would have a different opinion. If this isn’t stopped now then he will potentially start beating his future wife. Removing him from the home while young children are there was a good move and a consequence.

Mental health issues do not excuse abuse, you clearly have no experience of having an abusive family member do you? If this doesnt stop now someone will be seriously hurt and the long term effects of abuse in the home is horrendous. Not having a dad round doesnt excuse abuse either.

To not abandon her child like his dad abandoned him for starters.

He is a"lost soul" who has assaulted his sick mother and terrified his younger siblings.

Regardless of how and why he got to this point he now needs professional support. And OP and her other kids have every right to safety in their own home.

I have a brain thank you. It wasn't clear in the OP that this was repeated behaviour.

Well yes, but early childhood is long gone. The OP has sought help from every source..... and there is none!

Yep . I only said he does not know his dad as in never met him. Because I was waiting for the when did you separate. Whi did you separate was your sin exposes to DV. How did he cope with the split.

As for the I hate you comment. I was not hurt by that at all. It's something teenagers say. I only said it because I was explaining one of the situations.

Also whilst I'm walking on egg shells around my son. Being verbally abused and possibly now physically as he's now crossed that boundary he's likely to do it again. And being controlling. I got to pamper around him. Whilst my other kids are crying because they are scared he's going to hurt me. So what about what they are being exposed to? They should not havecto watch that shit. Dd is 12 she gonna think this is how men treat woman .

are you assuming that the OP is the reason her son doesn't know his dad?

do you assume that the OP doesn't know how damaging this has been for him?

does any of that mean he is allowed to go around hitting people or throwing things at them? can not knowing your dad get you out of prison if you start throwing things at a stranger?

You are victim blaming and if this young man doesnt learn consequences now - he may well become a man who destroys his wife’s home and gives her a beating if she is too unwell to make food while tending to young children!!!!

it’s complex because the OP is both victim and bears some responsibility to how this goes. I don’t disagree with the possible outcome you envisage but depending on the kind of outcome you want to see there are ways that are unlikely to avoid the worst scenario. Compounding his sense of rejection and or victimhood without properly addressing both issues is just sending him out into society dealing with it all his way - which is clearly shit .

What's disgusting is the idea of giving up on your 16 year old.

How do you know what backgrounds and experiences people have had. Besides, the outcome of making her son homeless is likely to produce a cycle of damaged adults throughout generations to come - no help for society whatsoever!

It's bizarre. If your son went to his girlfriend's house and threw a heavy object at her for not making him a sandwich, people would be screaming at her to call the police. But for some reason on MN it's not as serious when the female getting assaulted is the attacker's mother.

The only way to make this advice slightly less insane is to read it in Donald Trump’s voice.

Tbf to @oakleaffy I picked up on exactly the same thing. It’s not a pass to behave however you like but it’s also not something that can be ignored as a factor.

Prisons are full of men and women with undiagnosed and untreated mental health issues. It’s highly likely they all deserve to be there but even a prison sentence is given with the aim to rehabilitate.

How is it going to be different when the younger siblings reach his age. How about if they start to exhibit the same behaviour, is it SS hotline again! Fuck me teenagers are sometimes hard work nothing like little kids and have their own ideas, did you not realise that, they don't stay 10 and easy to manage.

I have older children as well they are fine. As I keep saying it's only him who is like this . I have done absolutely nothing wrong to him.

How is removing him from the home "giving up on him" what should she have done? Took a wallop then rewarded him by running to the kitchen? Get real. She has shown him his action had a consequence which could potentially teach him that people won't put up with violence.

If he hit someone in the street he would be in the back of a cop car. If he trashed a rented property he would be thrown out and face criminal charges. He's not 8 he's 16. Old enough to father a child and old enough to start working. Old enough to make a pot noodle or boil an egg and Old enough to understand you can't trash a house or attack your mother.

I'm very so sorry you've been hurt OP but you can't throw a 16 year old child on the street. From the limited info you've given it sounds like you and your children have had an unstable and damaging time for a number of years. You've mentioned not having a relationship with his father, bad relations with his siblings/ half siblings? ADHD, CAHMS involvement, verbal abuse. TBH, it sounds far from a nurturing, calm environment to raise a family.
You do however bear responsibility as the adult to navigate and stabilise the situation. Put down rules, consequences and as difficult as it is, don't make rash decision in the heat of the moment.

Well he evidently doesn't know he shouldn't attack his mother because he has!!

Who is saying the violent behaviour should be ignored? A 16 year old is a child in the eyes of the law. Take it up with parliament if you see an issue with this.