Really need advice D's gf 18 has said her dad has been abusing her...

[Meltinthemiddle]

They have been together 3 years and she is very insecure and needy. Recently they have been arguing more, and D's basically ended the relationship. She was obviously upset. Today DS has just rang to ask if gf can now move in, obviously I was totally confused.
And that's when he told me. Apparently it has happened when she was younger and when he was drunk but hasn't happened since her and D's have been together until recently when they had a party and my D's wasn't there. She can't speak to her mum as never alone, dad apparently is also abusive to her. She has 4 other siblings, one a boy. I feel completely out of my depth and my cynical mind is also wondering if it's true or a ploy to get D's back. But then who would make this up??? Surely not. I can't really afford have her living here long term, plus I have to think of my own D's mental health as he hasn't been happy in the relationship. What do I do? I want to help her and believe her.

Please call the NSPCC for advice and you may also want to connect her via your DS to the NSPCC or another source of support that they can recommend to you.

It may very well be that this has all come out because their relationship ended. That doesn't mean it isn't true and she isn't to be believed. Most children who have been sexually abused never disclose to anyone until closer to middle age. In fact, I didn't even tell my own dh until I was late 30s and something else upsetting (not a relationship breakdown) happened in my life than brought back all the feelings of abandonment and shame. That isn't because I made it up or was trying to deceive anyone. It was simply that my brain finally connected the dots between those childhood feelings and the feelings I was feeling now. It would be no surprise at all that a break-up might do the same.

Unfortunately, many (I would say most) families do not support survivors of abuse when the abuser is in the family, especially parents when it's their partner. She very likely has a long road ahead of her and a lot of pain to face. You don't need to move her in and your DS doesn't need to re-kindle the relationship, but if you can be a kind and supportive port for her in the immediate term, I think that would be really lovely of you, while also directing her to professional support.

Any update OP?