Jealous of other single parents

[MaxwellCat]

I know I’m unreasonable and will be told that loads of mums don’t get any days off but from what I’ve seen it certainly seems to be unusual, I feel envious of other single parents who get weekends off and whose exes have the kids half the holidays / take kids away on holiday 😢 I know it’s terrible to envy other single parents, I know it won’t be forever but it’s a bloody long time! How can I stop feeling this way? Even one night a month would be something

I get it. My ex left the country for several years, so I had no help from him (or money). It was tough but on the plus side my dd and I have an incredible bond and she is now an amazing young woman. The tough times don't last forever, hang in there

I know it won’t be forever and that’s what i always hear but it’s such a long time and I don’t feel our bond is any better/stronger as I’m always exhausted and snappy and in a bad mood because I’m exhausted think our bond would be better if I got regular breaks 😞

I hear you. No maintenance offered and very limited childcare, maybe 10 days a year for 2 separate weeks on weekdays while I'm at work anyway. It's relentless but can't change it. Yes, I think it's unusual. But it happens and to widows as well. I would like to see penalties for feckless dad's, I think in the USA they take drivers licences for non-payment of maintenance.

You're allowed to be pissed off and miserable, it's unfair and it's hard.

I think there needs to be some form of government provided respite for single parents who don’t have a second parent in the picture or other family support to ease the burden. It’s such a huge amount of pressure and OP I just wanted to recognise this. It’s a monumental burden that isn’t talked about enough and so inadequate support is given to the single parents who really need it.

It’s hard, really hard! The way I managed when mine were younger was to have really good bedtime routine…early bedtimes and a good stretch of an evening to myself to unwind. They are a lot more self sufficient now and all of a sudden I’m finding myself with a lot more time to myself and I’m gaining back my interest in things for myself. But I hear you, it’s absolutely relentless when you’re in the thick of it x

Think of the things that make you the most miserable and resentful. For me it was cleaning and cooking. I now have a cleaner for just an hour a week which makes such a difference. Kids are teens now so we have a plan of "easy" meal nights, family meal nights plus one takeaway/supermarket ready a week.

I no longer feel that I'm just the cook and cleaner, and we have time to be together more peacefully.

Why is it all about money? Surely time spent is more important than money spent

Agreed @ZeldaWillTellYourFortune

Government funding can go to much better use.

Having said this, what a tough slog OP and I'm sorry you're struggling. I echo PP who suggested considering if you can get help elsewhere e.g. a cleaner.

clearly not everyone has your ability to look into the future @ZeldaWillTellYourFortune
is it really beyond your imagination that most people don’t set out to be single parents

Ugh.

@ZeldaWillTellYourFortune single parenthood is not always the result of bad decisions. My marriage came to an end in a way that Mystic Meg herself could not have predicted. I am now on my own with my children. My dad became terminally ill and then died when I was 6. My mum was then on her own with 2 infant school aged children.

I am a widowed lone parent, ten years and no break.
What l have learnt is that people who haven't been in this situation have absolutely no idea, and very little empathy. We live in an extremely greedy and selfish world.

Gosh here we go with the judgement and people tell me there is no stigma to single parenting anymore, sorry for not predicting my exes illness, however I never once suggested the government should look after my children and don’t actually agree with that personally

It’s hard OP. I do get regular time off from the kids but I can well imagine how it would feel not to. I didn’t before I left my husband. I don’t suppose you can afford a babysitter? Even once a month for an evening to yourself 💐 or do you have another friend in your situation and you could buddy up and have each others kids to give the other a break?

What should I have done about my inconveniently dead husband? Collapsed and died without warning 10 years ago when my dc were 5 and 3. I'm still single parenting without family support. I strongly suspect that I will cost the NHS a lot at some point because living in a state of constant exhaustion for 10 years cannot be healthy.

Wow because I didn’t choose to parent alone and they have another parent? Not the same as raising children in a couple 🤦🏻‍♀️

I totally agree and am in a very similar boat. Two friends recently found their husbands indisposed for periods of time and both became much more keen to help me after when they realised that the tiredness and constant juggling are constant for me.

Widowed lone parent here as well, currently in A&E with one child already stressing about getting back to get the other one to school in the morning and then trying to work

I'm not talking about widows (though every parent should have life assurance to provide funds for a remaining parent to make life easier; can't afford the payments, can't afford the offspring.)

I'm talking about the people who choose to proceed with pregancies in dodgy situations, with feckless partners, with no partner at all save a one-night stand, with people who aren't capable of providing for a child, with those who are indifferent or unwilling. We see plenty of evidence of all of the above and worse on Mumsnet every day. I refuse to see such people as victims who are in need of a bailout from taxpayers.

They chose their circumstances. yeah it's tough, but so are many things -- this particular self-inflicted rough lifestyle is not something I concern myself with. I worked very hard not to become impregnated by losers, users and abandoners, or without sufficient funds for a decent lifestyle and I know it CAN be done. Not much sympathy for those who couldn't exhibit similar self-control and diligence.

Erm my ex wasn’t a ONS fuck off with your judgmental BS.

I think @ZeldaWillTellYourFortune is just enjoying punching down.

Best ignore.

@BaffledOnceAgain

But there is some financial support for widows/widowers.

The question is really about men (and it's nearly always men) who shirk their responsibilities, wriggle out of paying child support and fail to offer any meaningful contact with their children. Now if you are the first relationship they have left high and dry, you weren't to know but the amount of posts on Mumsnet from 2nd/3rd families who thought they had changed yet they disappear into the sunset again. If your new boyfriend is shirking their existing parental responsibilities be very very wary!

And yes OP, I get it. Do you get Universal Credit? The childcare element can be used for any regulated care, including registered sitters, summer camps etc. Might help from time to time?