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Original poster

Jealous of other single parents

110 replies

MaxwellCat · 13/06/2023 22:03

I know I’m unreasonable and will be told that loads of mums don’t get any days off but from what I’ve seen it certainly seems to be unusual, I feel envious of other single parents who get weekends off and whose exes have the kids half the holidays / take kids away on holiday 😢 I know it’s terrible to envy other single parents, I know it won’t be forever but it’s a bloody long time! How can I stop feeling this way? Even one night a month would be something

OP posts:
Themumlife · 17/06/2023 10:14

Being a parent, and a mother in particular, is hard even with all the support around you, so I really do feel for you and other single or unsupported mothers. Do you have grandparents in the picture that are able to help? If so, maybe arrange with them to have your child one or 2 nights a month (or whatever works for you and them) so you can have that time to yourself. If not, is your child old enough for sleepovers at a trusted friend/family members house?

of course, it does get easier as they get older, but that doesn’t help you now. I hope you manage to get some time to yourself x

Dazedandconfused170 · 17/06/2023 10:25

As a single parent not through my choice, trust me when I say I would choose having the family together and no days off than parenting solo until the weekend and having the weekend ‘off’
its not the luxury you think

RumbleMum · 17/06/2023 10:26

Bless you, OP, you’re not at all unreasonable. It sounds absolutely exhausting and no wonder you’re buckling under the strain of it all. We are not designed to raise children alone without the help of an extended family/friends/village etc.

I’m a single parent to two kids whose Dad is highly involved and hands-on, and I have the space to be a better parent when they come back. Our situations are a world apart.

Ignore the trolls. I feel terribly sorry for @ZeldaWillTellYourFortune if they can only make themselves feel better by bringing others down - I think it’s often a sign of a desperately sad life and it makes my heart ache to think of what things must be like for someone to behave like that.

Interested in this thread?

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Families
RumbleMum · 17/06/2023 10:29

Dazedandconfused170 · 17/06/2023 10:25

As a single parent not through my choice, trust me when I say I would choose having the family together and no days off than parenting solo until the weekend and having the weekend ‘off’
its not the luxury you think

Actually this is a good point. I have a friend who shares custody with her toxic ex who is actively doing damage to the kids. So it does depend on the nature of the other parent I guess.

Forestfriendlygarden · 17/06/2023 10:48

Interesting isn't it, so many threads on here - discussing two parent families - and every single poster encouraging the mum to take time out 'for relaxation/their own career/further training/being with their friends/general quality of life/mental health...'

...but as soon as single parents are discussed, we are not allowed to have any of those things...

the attitude speaks for itself and needs to change...

one in four families in this country are single parent families. Whether they exist because a woman is widowed - a survivor of domestic violence or any other reason is no one else's business!

Barack Obama was the son of a single mother...we are not worth less than anyone else!

Scillyc · 17/06/2023 12:00

I totally understand your pain and you are not in the wrong to feel it but it’s going to eat away at you if you are not careful. Not sure of the age of DC but I wonder if you could try groups such as Scouts or Guides. I know an hour/hour and a half a week isn’t long but it is a little you time. Also they often offer residential camps which may help. You don’t mention your financial situation (and nor should you have to) but just in case it helps some units or local districts or divisions will have funds that you may be able to access for help with costs. Good luck and find the little breaks where ever you can. Huge hugs.

DVL · 17/06/2023 12:16

Im with you on this one…I’m in a very loving relationship and still feel like this sometimes 🤣 He’d have them for me to go out any time but mom guilt comes along.
I think having a decent family support system would make a huge difference…i miss me and him doing stuff together but like you said it will get better

Hang in there!

Pusillanimouswitch · 17/06/2023 13:44

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Are you a single parent? I am, my children had to come with me everywhere. Dentist. Smear test. Work. Yes, I could have used some time off.

Pusillanimouswitch · 17/06/2023 13:50

Starlightstarbright1 · 15/06/2023 13:12

summary

Op feels like she is drowning, due to ex and family is raising 4 children alone 2 with additional needs. Knows the world is going to change - feels jealous of people getting a break - aware unless co parenting well it isn’t always easy. Just wants to vent a bit of understanding .

As usual usual unhelpful comments that end up on every Lp thread who dare to complain .

You chose husband badly
someone complains about having to pay Child maintenance
you shouldn’t ever want a break because you chose to have them.
You had too many children.

these appear on just about every thread I am not sure what the point of these posts are? Is it to make the Op feel worse?

parenting is challenging at different times for many many different reasons . It would be lovely if people could just support each other.

The things I found most challenging is no one else cares the way I do. I don’t have anyone who I can talk to when Dc does things good and bad.
because my Dc has additional needs I still have so much life admin to do on top of standard peranting , appointments, meetings , paperwork along with additional care needs .

I love the bones of my Dc but I get no breaks except work. Mine is a teenager so where care needs should be getting easier they really aren’t .

Find ways that work for you Op - whether that is space at home - anything you can do to find a little space.

I love getting up a little earlier and having a cuppa in peace just to be alone for half an hour .

I agree but not having anyone to talk to especially when you are having real difficulties with your teenagers and the only other person as theoretically invested as you is absent.

TrexTeeth · 18/06/2023 08:01

My ex did next to nothing over covid and I worked full time as a key worker with a 2 year old. Now he's met someone he's having our school aged Child 2 nights a week and about 1 in 5 weekends. It's still not allt but I'm happier having the break. It appears the op is getting no support and with 4 kids that's back breaking 🤕

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