Jealous of other single parents

[MaxwellCat]

I know I’m unreasonable and will be told that loads of mums don’t get any days off but from what I’ve seen it certainly seems to be unusual, I feel envious of other single parents who get weekends off and whose exes have the kids half the holidays / take kids away on holiday 😢 I know it’s terrible to envy other single parents, I know it won’t be forever but it’s a bloody long time! How can I stop feeling this way? Even one night a month would be something

Are you always this endlessly pleased with yourself 😂

Op I get it, it's relentless and I do think it's very hard for anyone not in that situation to understand how tough it is. I'm a decade on from you and it does get better eventually.

We need a better system of seeking genuine support from men, asking them nicely to pay really isn't working as these no hope dads aren't working in jobs with paye

There is a system, the dwp calculate it via hmrc & enforce it but unfortunately many women aren’t happy with the amount that is calculated as they seem to think that most of the ex’s wage should support them & their children regardless of the fact that he may have another mortgage, other children & living expenses.

Ignoring the ignorant judgements from self sanctimonious poster.

op. I get it I was a Lp from 10 months old - despite what judges pants think this was for protection for my Ds.. we were married and I expected to raise Ds together.

He only was allowed 2 hours a fortnight supervised before that became too much effort.

Anyway I get it . It is exhausting doing it all alone . What I would say is sometimes lower expectations - pj days are fine. Get the dc helping with cleaning.

cubs/ scouts was my saviour . I got the odd nights break whilst camping , off sleep over. my Ds has SN’s so even a a teenager doesn’t sleep .

know there are people who truly get it . It does get easier as they grow up .

but never underestimate how well you are doing.

Another deluded post . The Cms go after easy cases to enforce. It took over 10 months with absent ex not changing bank accounts when the PO account stopped taking payments from 3rd parties . It was only £7 a week so not a life changing sun but still took a phone call with approximately an hour in a queue once a month to sort it

it's a case of acceptance I think. Once you fully accept you can't get nights out you look at it a different way and try to adapt accordingly. for example, I spend evenings working on my art and business trying to get my career ahead.

Difficult but the change of mindset helps everything.

OP I get it. Lone parent for 10 years as my nice, professional, respectable 🙄husband had a mid life crisis and fucked off without warning with another woman. He has never seen DS, his choice.

It is relentless and ime anyone not in that situation doesn't truly get it.

It’s not deluded, this is the system to get child maintenance. Just because you don’t like the system doesn’t mean it doesn’t work

Being a lone parent is devastating for mental health, and in turn, physical health down the line.
It's bad for children as well, as their parent is exhausted and cannot always behave as if they aren't, day after day, year after year.
I also think their should be some kind of extra support.
But the world is cruel, and especially cruel to single mothers and parents of disabled and special needs children.

It's really hard. I've not had a break in 14yrs. I'm sick of it.

I haven't got any help from my ex, who after six years together and a planned child decided to change his mind and left. Never heard from him again, no financial help. (And I did try but he left the country.)
No help from family. I lost my job whilst pregnant because the business went under and have only this last year been able to get another, much less well paid job.
It's very hard and it's relentless and there's a steady stream of knobheads who love to tell you it's all your own fault.

Thank you to those that understand. Yep there are people that love to stick the knife in and tell you it was your own bad decisions and why do you want a break from your own kids? 🤣 I’m guessing they do not parent 24/7 alone without a partner it’s exhausting physically and mentally doing it alone but I don’t expect those perfect posters to have a clue! Even the people I know in couples want breaks from their children from time to time! That’s when they go to the grandparents…

I was looking at the definition of modern slavery a few years ago and thought it similar to the circumstances of being a lone parent. People don't get it because it's your own child/children, or they are cruel and engage in blaming, or prefer to not think about it.

@ZeldaWillTellYourFortune I didn't deliberately have a child with a useless twat, strangely I couldn't see into the future, as most people can't.

Absolutely

I agree about acceptance OP although I myself haven't reached that stage yet 😂 - my soon to be ex husband doesn't have our 3 (including toddler twins) anything more than an hour here or there. I get quite upset that I don't feel my children get the best of me - I'm trying to hold down a full time challenging job, not in receipt of any benefits even child benefit and am often snappy and lack patience and then feel awful afterwards. With Father's Day this week I've also got to put up with him swanning in like the worlds greatest father and if I'm honest I'm not hiding my contempt very well. I also struggle with the feeling of wanting a break with a night off but at the same time I don't want to not see them every night/morning and the roller coaster of emotions is very draining x

@Makemyday99 There is a system, the dwp calculate it via hmrc & enforce it but unfortunately many women aren’t happy with the amount that is calculated as they seem to think that most of the ex’s wage should support them & their children regardless of the fact that he may have another mortgage, other children & living expenses.
*

I never got one penny from the then CSA it's easy to dodge.* Change jobs regularly, cash in hand.

Of course I understand that it doesn’t work for everyone which isn’t fair but bar that there is nothing else that can be done. Sometimes it seems that some women honestly believe they should be given open access to their ex’s bank accounts.

I would happily not see my kids every morning but one is a school refuser and mornings are awful but perhaps that’s my fault too..

I don’t get any maintenance ex has managed to dodge that too but that’s not the poInt I would rather he saw them

Aw it's so bloody hard and yes people who aren't in this situation don't get it. Sorry I may have missed the ages of your children.

Can you take any time for yourself while they're at school? Such as swapping days at work or taking annual leave every so often and properly treating yourself to something you enjoy doing.

Do you have any friends or relatives that you can ask for an overnight stay for the children.
I know it goes against British culture asking for help but you could always return the favour me and my friends have done this a lot.

I'm talking about the people who choose to proceed with pregancies in dodgy situations, with feckless partners, with no partner at all save a one-night stand, with people who aren't capable of providing for a child, with those who are indifferent or unwilling. We see plenty of evidence of all of the above and worse on Mumsnet every day. I refuse to see such people as victims who are in need of a bailout from taxpayers

Well there is a lot @ZeldaWillTellYourFortune said that is judgemental, but this I totally agree with and can't see why people would think it is wrong. It is not victim blaming, as women are the ones making the decisions ultimately to become pregnant. And the ones who then have the choice to carry on with that or not.

As a SM I totally get where you are coming from @MaxwellCat . It is utterly exhausting.

Not much to add to the replies above but I hear you! It's so hard and exhausting but I'm just living in the hope that it won't last forever and we might get all of the rough times but we get every single wonderful moment too xx

I would think anyone with an ounce of experience or empathy should be able to understand how difficult parenting alone with no breaks or support can be.

I love my children, I am privileged to spend time with them - but still find parts of being a mum hard or stressful and would really struggle without having someone else to hand off to, talk things through with (ie moan!) and occasionally facilitate a child free day or evening out. It's incredibly unhelpful to suggest that all single parents have 'made their beds' - life is unpredictable and often unfair.

Vent away OP. I hope you get some support soon.

I know how you feel. My children don't see their father either and I don't receive any maintenance. I am lucky that I have parents who help me out (they also work full time though so it's not like I rely on them constantly) and my children stay over there occasionally (once every month or two). I hear about so many difficult co-parenting relationships and dodgy new partners on here and on social media that I sometimes feel grateful I don't have to worry about any of that! It's mentally draining I work term time as well so when I'm off so are my kids!

Your a joke!!!!
Op shame we can not have contraception to stop these people in the world.