Reasons why you got the ick

[NoEffingWay]

To start with, just to confirm this is lighthearted

I have had a few over the years:

1. wore a yellow coat. He looked like a banana with 90's sunglasses
2. would burp and then declare he was 'bilious' 🤢
3. had clammy hands, it was like holding hands with a damp sponge

All were passion killers, and the second was enough to whip out the divorce papers. Reader, I married him before he turned into Steptoe! (Couldn't put that on the application form but came close )

An airline pilot whose chat sounded exactly like the pilot's announcement at the start of a flight. Called everyone 'sir'.

Someone with hayfever who talked in detail about 'washing out his nose' in the toilet. Recommended I give my nose a good wash too in case i started getting a reaction.

Made the finger in hole gesture when telling me he was after a relationship and not just sex.

Nice bloke who had been to dodgy voice modulation coaching to try and cover his perfectly nice regional accent with a strange semblance of RP. He had a prestigious job and wanted to be taken seriously. He kept getting consonants wrong and it sounded as though he had loose dentures.

Kept rapping loudly in the street about me (complimentary stuff). He was shit at rapping and couldn't think of any words that rhymed so there were long pauses while he came up with something near enough

Oh and one guy who if I said about something that's lovely or gorgeous. He'd said like you and stare at me intensely. Creepy

Kept rapping loudly in the street about me (complimentary stuff). He was shit at rapping and couldn't think of any words that rhymed so there were long pauses while he came up with something near enough

Argh! Cringing myself inside out. 😫

Kept finding random folded bits of toilet paper on the floor, in his clothes. It finally dawned on me - he was a poo jogger. I lived in fear of him being front and centre on the local newspaper.

What's a poo jogger??

What the fuck is a poo jogger when it's at home?!?!

Some of mine:

Swallowed and chewed really loudly, like a big washing machine. He also had a small, flaccid willy and big varicose veins in his legs.

Had a pet tarantula that absolutely stank.

Licked my ear, like right in the ear hole, sounded and felt really weird and left me with a wet ear. Like a wet willy on steroids. Ick

Cooked me kedgeree on a date at mine, stank the whole place out.

Picked up my flat mates untuned guitar and serenaded me, badly. 😬

He said chips and fish.

It's someone who does a poo in public when they are out on a run. Like in a bush, near a trail or on someone's front lawn 🤢

Maybe it's an Aussie thing. There's been many a poo jogger named and shamed!!

That's a bit of a track isn't it? I have random, folded bits of tissue/napkins in every pocket. This is because I have chronic hayfever. I also like to know I always have some on me if there's no loo roll when I'm in a public toilet. I'm definitely not crapping in peoples' gardens!

Track = reach

My mum's the same - tissues in every location 🤧

He was definitely pooping out and about though. Before a run I'd see him stashing the loo roll.

Years later he admitted it to DS.

He constantly slurped his drinks particularly the hot drinks. It gave me the rage.

Took me to a Chinese restaurant and moaned loudly about the price of everything .I was mortified..
The final straw was when I was ill and asked if he could come and keep me company.
He came to my flat boasted about what a wonderful person he was for visiting me in my hour of need. He then proceeded to eat the little food that I had including my Flake chocolate which I had left in the freezer and was looking forward to eating.
.To add insult to injury he then billed me for the cost of his petrol .Bear in mind this was someone who was earning seriously good money .

I feel sorry for the woman who eventually married him

That's not a spectator sport at the best of times, so definitely not in slow-mo!

I don't know why the phrase 'nose washing' is so funny! 😂

@Wygelia
"this thread has led me to make the absolute decision, should I ever divorce, I will be staying very single. Never been so full of ick in my life"

Agree entirely. Oh my goodness, the depravity of men, they seem to think that on every first date they will "get lucky". The men who have been described on here, I'm surprised they reached the first date stage, even though many of them were first & only dates. Utter repulsion reading these experiences and yet, compulsive reading, as a warning as to the specimens out there. Personal hygiene is way down on the list of priorities, and some of the verbal utterances they have spoken, possibly thinking they are sexy. . . .no thanks, I will stay happily single, with a sigh of relief !

I’m cracking up 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Suddenly decided to start referring to his penis as his Mickey. No thank you, I'll be leaving now.

@WhatWillAPearDoAtNight curious to know what a stinky tarantula smells like??

hairy nipples

This sounds as though it should be a plus point as he took great care to compliment me on my shoes and jewellery when we went on a first date. But he did it rather intensely which I put down to first date nerves.

He then proceeded to do exactly the same on the second, third and fourth date by which time I realised he was working to a script. 🤷‍♀️

Stood with his feet at 10 to 2 angle, arms pinned straight to his sides with hands out at 90 degrees, the waddled like a penguin towards me with puckered lips and asked for a kiss in a baby voice.

So wish I'd thought of that! 🤣

I’m crying at the angel wings 😂😂😂