Please help me navigate this situation with my DS's girlfriend

[Ridiculousradish]

Going to a festival in a few weeks. DS 13 wants to bring his GF 14 too. I've agreed as long as it's ok with her parents. They've only been dating a short while, but friends beforehand. Apparently GF's Mum worries a lot and GF has asked that I don't tell her that they're dating as she won't let her go. I've refused. Said I'm not happy lying. DS distraught. I've ruined the festival for him blah blah.

This ... and if he continues to cry and whine, you might want to suggest this indicates someone who's nothing like ready for such a relationship

So how long have they been dating and how long as she been hiding it from her mother?

If she’s hiding it and he’s having a tantrum they don’t have the emotional maturity for a relationship.

You are absolutely correct in saying that you won’t lie, but now they have brought it to your attention are you prepared to lie by omission?

Don’t be manipulated by them, if it was me my line would be that now I know they are lying to her mother they need to have it out in the open if she wants to go.

There is the possibility that the mother will find out later that you knew.

He's behaving younger than his years crying and complaining, no way would they be going together.
I might be the worst mother in the world but I wouldn't lie for them.

Agree - don't lie. He shouldn't be asking you to - puts you in an invidious position.

If push comes to shove neither of them is likely to pine to death over a 3 day separation.

Apart from them asking you to lie... I think my response might have been "Maybe next time, I'd like us to enjoy this festival just the two of us to be honest".
I mean, who wants to be stuck with two love struck teens (children) on a trip like this? It would completely change the dynamic and give you extra responsibilities you don't really need when you're away and trying to enjoy yourself.

Agree with this. Your ds is 13 , she is 14, they are kids.

Erm, at ages 13 & 14, surely the relationship status moving from friend to girlfriend, didn't make any difference other than they now hold hands and have a kiss? Not a huge game changer, I don't get the drama? They aren't even in the tent alone.

I would have also told my 13 year olds they couldn’t date. It never came up , I have older teens and neither have been on a date yet. My eldest is at uni and quite a few of her friends are only now going on their first date, or like her haven’t dated anyone . I do think 13 is too young. I was very happy for them to have opposite sex friends though, and would have taken a friend camping etc.

He doesn’t sound emotionally mature enough to be dating.

Don’t under any circumstances lie to the parents as this is likely to blow up.

Are people assuming they are having sex?

It doesn't really matter what we think does it
The girl's mum is worried they might,.clearly and doesn't want her to go

suggest he brings a mate
you dont want him to lose his mates over a girl

plus him and the girl might fall out, nightmare

You would be totally responsible for the girl's welfare. Legally as well as morally.

So your 13 year old is ‘dating’ calling the shots about wanting his ‘girlfriend’ to come and crying about it… sounds ridiculous all around tbh.

The fact that he's sobbing like a baby about a festival proves he is way too immature to have a bloody GF. Absolutely no way I'd consent to this or lie. You'd have to constantly watch over them. Imagine if he got her pregnant, you would get ALL the blame!

and you would be far more anxious about the whole Where are they now situation?

There's a worod of difference between accepting 13/14 year olds 'date' and providing them a partially unsupervised venue to sleep together for 72 hours while lying (by omission or commission) to the girl's mother about it. Oh well OP, suppose it won't be you having to deal with a surprise pregnancy so best be the cool mum.

Sorry I misread the OP and thought you were relenting on your decision. Agree YANBU and don't allow yourself to be manipulated. It's other posters who are naive - 'kiss and hold hands' come on!

I can't move beyond the fact that a 13 year old boy is dating. You have to tell the mother. You cannot leave him home alone - they'll be doing more than holding hands.

Football club, cricket practice, skateboard Park, theme parks, etc ahoukd all be taking precedence over dating at 13.

The whole relationship could fizzle out anyway, once they know they aren't going together.

Should have wrote friendship, it's hardly a relationship in the true sense.

Are people assuming they are having sex?
I'm not, but they're 13/14 and the fact they're already trying to play each other's parents off against each other and trying to use one set of parents to get one over on the other shows me that they're not mature enough to go to this festival together.

My take is that the girl has made it clear that her parents would not be happy if they knew it was a a romantic relationship. The OP is an adult and responsible parents should be the grown up in the room, not facilitating 13/14 year olds to lie to their parents.

If the relationship lasts then it's also the sort of thing that will paint OP and her son in a bad light as it shows neither of them respected this girl's parents.

The kids in my 13yo DS's class date each other, it really is just holding hands and kissing IME.

To be honest, if her mum is a worrier, you've probably dodged a bullet anyway - she might want to set all kinds of rules about what she can and can't do.

I would just put it back to your son: if he hadn't have asked you to lie, it might never have come up in conversation and you would have been none the wiser whether her mum knew or not. But, by asking you to lie he has made it a problem and something you can't go along with.

Wow some of these responses! Chill out.