Page 3 | Please help me navigate this situation with my DS's girlfriend

Ridiculousradish · 2023-06-11T22:17:17+00:00

Going to a festival in a few weeks. DS 13 wants to bring his GF 14 too. I've agreed as long as it's ok with her parents. They've only been dating a short while, but friends beforehand. Apparently GF's Mum worries a lot and GF has asked that I don't tell her that they're dating as she won't let her go. I've refused. Said I'm not happy lying. DS distraught. I've ruined the festival for him blah blah.

7eleven · 12/06/2023 01:54

Absolutely ridiculous to be taking a romantic 🙀 relationship of a 13 year old seriously. Bloody hell, he probably only potty trained 10 years ago.

Tell him too bad, she’s not coming (terrible idea) but he can take one of his friends.

When I was a KS2 teacher, I refused to let children exchange Valentine’s Day gifts in class. It’s icky.

7eleven · 12/06/2023 01:57

ilovemyspace · 12/06/2023 00:12

@ZeldaWillTellYourFortune So judgemental. Great response.

Absolutely sensible response. Anybody who thinks 13 year olds should have romantic relationships deserves judging.

Aquamarine1029 · 12/06/2023 02:02

Fucking hell. Your child is 13 years old. You shouldn't be bringing his "girlfriend" to any situation that involves sleeping in the same tent, especially when her parents are against it. FFS. The lack of judgment and appropriate boundaries is shocking.

You are not your son's friend. You are the parent.

Original poster

Ridiculousradish · 12/06/2023 05:18

Wow what a lot of lovely responses to wake up to.

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Original poster

Ridiculousradish · 12/06/2023 05:23

Bristoluser · 12/06/2023 00:29

I'm clearly old fashioned but how are you condoning a 13 year old to date? Never mind sleeping with his 14 year old girlfriend. I know you're all in a tent together but at their ages they should still be children, not dating

What? What an odd response. You'd seriously tell your 13 year old they can't date? What else do you want to control?

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Ridiculousradish · 12/06/2023 05:25

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isthewashingdryyet · 12/06/2023 05:31

Is she sensible enough to stay with your son at all times, refuse drugs and alcohol, spot grooming by older men ? Look after herself to prevent dehydration and sunstroke ? Not loose all her money ?
Is your son sensible enough to resist all of the above ?

there is no way I would be responsible for another persons child at a Festival. Full stop.
Never mind one who is going to sneak back to the tent instead of just going for a pizza, in the middle of the day to do what their hormones are screaming at them to do.

Mumdiva99 · 12/06/2023 05:32

Oh dear what happened overnight there!!! They think you are bringing girlfriend so the kods can have sex in the tent!!! Lol.

You've done the right thing. They have nothing to hide so nothing to be scared of. If her parents say no, then they say no. Not your issue. If they speak to you about it then you can put their mind at rest.

What festival is it.....my kids never want to come with me me....I'll be your festival buddy!!!

TerfIngOnTheBeach · 12/06/2023 05:41

Hi OP, if they go to a mixed school first GF/BF is not that unusual at that age. DS had his first relationship at those ages and saw her for 18 months. We had a similar situation where he wanted her to have a sleepover. I absolutely refused.

trips to town, going for a coffee or tea at each others houses fine. The rest no.

I think not letting her come along is the right decision. I had strops and shouting too “and everyone else’s mums let them” - yeh course they do mate.

AllThatFancyPaintsAsFair · 12/06/2023 05:42

Ridiculousradish · 12/06/2023 05:23

What? What an odd response. You'd seriously tell your 13 year old they can't date? What else do you want to control?

Show quote history

Dating and going on a 3 day mini break arent quite the same thing

Maybe I'm old fashioned too but I also don't think that's appropriate. Do the girls parent think they are just mates? I can't imagine many parents I know being happy with the situation

But that aside you are right not to lie about it

Original poster

Ridiculousradish · 12/06/2023 05:49

Sorry I should have said, it's a small family friendly festival, about 1000 people. It's not Glastonbury!

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Cammac · 12/06/2023 05:57

YANBU telling DS and GF you’re not going to lie for them. They are already making you feel uncomfortable and you haven’t gone yet!

In your shoes I’d be telling DS you’ve changed your mind and you won’t be taking his GF. If he kicks off again tell him you’re not taking him either. Toddlers don’t go to festivals.

Teenagers are a bloody nightmare! It does get easier OP. - When they’re about 22.

Original poster

Ridiculousradish · 12/06/2023 05:57

Anyway festival size is irrelevant. The fact is they asked me not to mention that they were dating. I felt uncomfortable, came here to ask for some options and have received some lovely replies. Not sure what to make of some of the more ridiculous replies, but there you go!

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SnapPop · 12/06/2023 05:59

Is the festival miles away or quite local to you? Is there any chance GF could just join for the day and be picked up by her parents in the evening or is it too far?

Original poster

Ridiculousradish · 12/06/2023 06:00

Mumdiva99 · 12/06/2023 05:32

Oh dear what happened overnight there!!! They think you are bringing girlfriend so the kods can have sex in the tent!!! Lol.

You've done the right thing. They have nothing to hide so nothing to be scared of. If her parents say no, then they say no. Not your issue. If they speak to you about it then you can put their mind at rest.

What festival is it.....my kids never want to come with me me....I'll be your festival buddy!!!

Thanks @Mumdiva99! I can't believe some of the responses.

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Original poster

Ridiculousradish · 12/06/2023 06:05

TerfIngOnTheBeach · 12/06/2023 05:41

Hi OP, if they go to a mixed school first GF/BF is not that unusual at that age. DS had his first relationship at those ages and saw her for 18 months. We had a similar situation where he wanted her to have a sleepover. I absolutely refused.

trips to town, going for a coffee or tea at each others houses fine. The rest no.

I think not letting her come along is the right decision. I had strops and shouting too “and everyone else’s mums let them” - yeh course they do mate.

Thank you. Agreed, it's not odd. His peers are starting to have GFs too.

God I remember screaming at my Mum that everyone else's parents were letting them do things! I thought she was so unreasonable. Of course she wasn't!

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Ridiculousradish · 12/06/2023 06:07

Cammac · 12/06/2023 05:57

YANBU telling DS and GF you’re not going to lie for them. They are already making you feel uncomfortable and you haven’t gone yet!

In your shoes I’d be telling DS you’ve changed your mind and you won’t be taking his GF. If he kicks off again tell him you’re not taking him either. Toddlers don’t go to festivals.

Teenagers are a bloody nightmare! It does get easier OP. - When they’re about 22.

Good point, yes they are.
I like the toddler comment.
22? Heck! Had better buckle up, it's going to be a while!

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WarriorN · 12/06/2023 06:09

You're safeguarding her and also your son by speaking to the parents.

They are technically children under the law.

You're doing the right thing.

And totally normal to be starting to have gf/ bf at that age! Which makes the safeguarding bit more challenging but just as important.

Original poster

Ridiculousradish · 12/06/2023 06:09

@SnapPop unfortunately it's a bit too far away for that. Good idea though, that would have been a better idea if doable.

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Original poster

Ridiculousradish · 12/06/2023 06:11

@WarriorN thank you. Yes I have a duty of care to her, that's what I told them both.

Everything makes much more sense in the morning.

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Soontobe60 · 12/06/2023 06:12

The fact that she wants to keep him secret from her parents, and he is crying at the thought of you telling them the truth shows that both of them are still kids.
At their ages, they are not ‘dating’. They are friends who like each other. I’m not sure why you’d even question whether you’re doing the right thing or not - of course you are!

Slavica · 12/06/2023 06:26

You are doing the right thing! Expect her to tell her mother, and then you can talk to the mother and let her know the ways you will keep her daughter (and your son) safe and happy at the festival.
And yes, it's completely normal to start dating at those ages. They are kids, but the feelings are real and should not be minimized. Just because they are young, it doesn't mean they are not entitled to human emotions - falling in love is a hallmark of teenage years. Gosh, that comment about him only potty-training 10 years ago got to me, as if that has any relevance.

pilates · 12/06/2023 06:35

Yes you are completely right - you cannot keep secrets from gf’s parents. If only they had kept quiet you wouldn’t be in this predicament.

pilates · 12/06/2023 06:36

And normal to start dating at that age too.

Beelezebub · 12/06/2023 06:47

You don’t lie, he (and she!) sucks it up or she does go. End of. In fact, I’d say you’re not willing to go along the lie at any point and if they want to ‘date’ she has to tell her parents, regardless of the festival.

I know you you said you wished he could bring a friend, but why can’t he?