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Original poster

If your DC are adults or older teens...

105 replies

StillDre · 10/06/2023 21:25

What was the most stressful age?
What age do you think they start pushing boundaries more, answering back, do the Kevin and Perry attitude or start to care a bit less about breaking rules?

OP posts:
Catspyjamasfit · 10/06/2023 21:27

Depends a lot on the child and their temperament . Some are no bother, others are a nightmare. Some are fine till 16, others awful at 13. It’s impossible to say.

DramaAlpaca · 10/06/2023 21:30

In the case of my three boys, 14 or 15 was the pushing boundaries and being a bit of a pain age. By 17 they'd more or less grown out of it.

Original poster
StillDre · 10/06/2023 21:31

I was wondering what sort of age meant you were home free and had got off lightly. So basically you will never know until they're 30, and maybe not even then, they might decide to have a mid life rebellion one day 😂

Ok, if it's impossible to say, I have a different question for parents of older teens or adults.
What do you wish you had done differently, and what do you look back on and know you did the right way?

OP posts:
mycatsanutter · 10/06/2023 21:31

Girls 12-17 , boys 14-17 ime

Willmafrockfit · 10/06/2023 21:31

15 for 2 out of 3
my middle dc more stressful in her final year of university

Willmafrockfit · 10/06/2023 21:32

actually as soon as dd was 12 was stressful until fifth year - whatever that is in new money. then she made good friends

finished31 · 10/06/2023 21:32

DD worse since she went to Uni. Comes home and thinks it's her rules.

DS Y11 starting to think he runs the show.

Wish they stayed little 😞

HMMOG · 10/06/2023 21:33

DS is 17 and has never been a K&P style teenager, although he’s obviously grown more independent and has an active social life . I don’t think every teen goes through that phase.

Willmafrockfit · 10/06/2023 21:33

i wish i had been stricter perhaps.
but they have hopefully come out of the other side.
although still give me anxiety now all in their 20s

wildinthecountry · 10/06/2023 21:33

I have to say that it was when they were under eight yrs old that were the most stressful for me , they weren't really that bad as teenagers .

MIBnightmare · 10/06/2023 21:34

Nope .. never did .. they are now 28, 26,26, 24, 21,21 & 19 ... I particularly enjoyed the teenage years (once I had taught them to drive - rural)

Kimchikeffir · 10/06/2023 21:35

Late twenties, very worrying, rents increasing , mortgages going up, difficult to buy a flat, mental health, drugs everywhere job insecurity

mycatsanutter · 10/06/2023 21:35

@StillDre I would say what I have done right is to always listen to them , especially when they have have problems , offer advice but try not to criticise their choices , rather guide them and suggest . That way when they have relationship /job issues when they are older they are more likely to come to you .

Vintagecreamandcottagepie · 10/06/2023 21:37

Lovely to hear some say that they enjoyed the teenage years.

Gives us with younger kids hope!

rookiemere · 10/06/2023 21:38

With DS it was 12-14 but that coincided with covid and lockdowns so some of it may have been down to that.
He is 17 now and generally fine, although we're pretty relaxed about letting him go out and what time he comes back at as long as we know it will be late.

bloodywhitecat · 10/06/2023 21:38

MIBnightmare · 10/06/2023 21:34

Nope .. never did .. they are now 28, 26,26, 24, 21,21 & 19 ... I particularly enjoyed the teenage years (once I had taught them to drive - rural)

This, although I only have two (33 and 31). They never really gave me any trouble as teens and I sometimes think now is the hardest time as I am no longer the one who can 'fix' their problems (one of them is currently undergoing a cancer scare and it is bloody hard no longer being the one who is their no.1 Go-To person).

mycatsanutter · 10/06/2023 21:38

@MIBnightmare gosh you must have been run ragged when they were younger ! How nice though having that many so close in age

CurlewKate · 10/06/2023 21:41

My much older brother was approaching 70 when my mother confided in me that she was really worried that he might be developing Altzheimer's......

Original poster
StillDre · 10/06/2023 21:43

Seems the ones that do push more boundaries do so at in the secondary school years or later. And then come the other life stresses of adulthood.

It's good to know you're probably as likely to not have too many issues as you are to have issues.

Older years are scary to me. I see so many things from parents of teens and just have no idea how I would manage it. I also remember teen years and the turmoil I felt at times and how angry I was at times, and wonder how the hell people help their teens through it and how they both come out the other end intact.

OP posts:
Hummusanddipdip · 10/06/2023 21:44

I am the adult child, rather than the parent here, I hope thats ok?

Funnily enough, it is something my dad and I have discussed at length.
He said him and my mum found my older brother most difficult between 13 and 17 because that was when he started to voice his opinions (or as dad put it, share what he read online) and these thoughts clashed so aggressively with my parents. I remember listening to them row, my brother going to university as mum puts it "was the best thing" for their relationship, now my dad and brother are so close!

For me, it was when I moved out, I've always had an extremely close friendship with my mum, I'd say when I got to 16, the respect was still there, but my parents stopped trying to parent me and more supported me and let me make my own choices and mistakes. Dad will tell anyone the most rebellious thing I ever did (slightly outing here) was go and get a tattoo on my 18th birthday... leaving home, I stopped asking for advice and opinions, mum said it was bittersweet to see because on one hand, it's what they had brought me up to do - be totally self sufficient and independent, but on the other side, we were close and I asked her thoughts on lots, and that just stopped one day. Since having dcs though, I see mum twice a week, my parents look after dc one day a week and I also meet up for lunch with her just the two of us weekly. And I talk to her most days.

Personally so far, I have found the toddler stage hardest, the teaching of right and wrong and trying to get children to comprehend it, can be so hard!!!

Original poster
StillDre · 10/06/2023 21:44

mycatsanutter · 10/06/2023 21:35

@StillDre I would say what I have done right is to always listen to them , especially when they have have problems , offer advice but try not to criticise their choices , rather guide them and suggest . That way when they have relationship /job issues when they are older they are more likely to come to you .

This is my biggest hope. One of the biggest things I hope I do the right way.
Staying balanced isn't always easy, so I'm happy for you that you managed to nail it.

OP posts:
Original poster
StillDre · 10/06/2023 21:49

Hummusanddipdip · 10/06/2023 21:44

I am the adult child, rather than the parent here, I hope thats ok?

Funnily enough, it is something my dad and I have discussed at length.
He said him and my mum found my older brother most difficult between 13 and 17 because that was when he started to voice his opinions (or as dad put it, share what he read online) and these thoughts clashed so aggressively with my parents. I remember listening to them row, my brother going to university as mum puts it "was the best thing" for their relationship, now my dad and brother are so close!

For me, it was when I moved out, I've always had an extremely close friendship with my mum, I'd say when I got to 16, the respect was still there, but my parents stopped trying to parent me and more supported me and let me make my own choices and mistakes. Dad will tell anyone the most rebellious thing I ever did (slightly outing here) was go and get a tattoo on my 18th birthday... leaving home, I stopped asking for advice and opinions, mum said it was bittersweet to see because on one hand, it's what they had brought me up to do - be totally self sufficient and independent, but on the other side, we were close and I asked her thoughts on lots, and that just stopped one day. Since having dcs though, I see mum twice a week, my parents look after dc one day a week and I also meet up for lunch with her just the two of us weekly. And I talk to her most days.

Personally so far, I have found the toddler stage hardest, the teaching of right and wrong and trying to get children to comprehend it, can be so hard!!!

You sound like you've got a really nice 3 generation relationship in your family. I love that you all make so much time for each other, and the mutual benefit the 3 generations are all getting.

OP posts:
Haffdonga · 10/06/2023 21:50

I have 2 now adult ds 2.5 years apart.
For me the most stressful times were the pre-school years with a baby and a toddler (the terrible two tantrums combined with sleepless nights) - but then looking back, in those days we were also dealing with moving to a new area where we knew nobody, low incomes, going back to work in a stressful job and juggling childcare with all the exhaustion, anxiety and guilt that comes along with those issues.
By comparison the teen years were a pleasure. I really enjoyed experiencing my 2 children turning into interesting, strongly opinionated young adults. It's wonderful when you start to be able to have real shared belly laughs together, despite all the typical teen attitude, messy bedrooms, laziness etc etc.

MrsCarson · 10/06/2023 21:52

Ds1 when he was 12/13 Ds2 when he was 17 (Wasn't a pain more than 5 minutes it seems) Dd When she was 12 to 15.

MIBnightmare · 10/06/2023 21:53

mycatsanutter · 10/06/2023 21:38

@MIBnightmare gosh you must have been run ragged when they were younger ! How nice though having that many so close in age

Tis lovely and all still are .. especially because I must have cast a spell on them without knowing it but they absolutely love one another and we're a complete delight the entire way through ..

Just to add I didn't birth them all !! 4 are my dh's so only had them 50/50 from 2 years old .. (youngest ) and 8 eldest ..