If your DC are adults or older teens...

[StillDre]

What was the most stressful age?
What age do you think they start pushing boundaries more, answering back, do the Kevin and Perry attitude or start to care a bit less about breaking rules?

16 to still now for my son (19). My daughter has been pretty great all through but was a bit if a nightmare young baby, but that sorted itself soon enough.

This is so important. I'm definitely going to follow this one, thank you.

When were they responsible for their own things? Secondary age or younger? This is one thing I never know if I'm doing properly, and obviously trying not to raise DC who can't be independent or sort themselves out.

This is one thing I always think of. It seems such a fight to get support during school years as it is, and then they reach a certain age and you're just left to it. And if you don't get a diagnosis during those school years, then that's it. Well, so it seems to me anyway, from an outsider's perspective.

6yo. I always maintain 6yr olds are the worst.
12yo the nicest.

I was somewhere in public around 3 yr olds the other day & reflected how much easier teens are. When your teen does wrong, you can bollock them & they know they deserve it. You can look forward to them moving out. They are very funny & witty. They are just so interesting.

With a difficult 3 yr old you just feel so awful when you come down too harsh on them, and otherwise they are totally maddening when maddening.

It's not that my young adults are perfect, they could break my heart. But somehow still less stressful than day-in-day-out with a misbehaving 3 yr old.

Yes, Sherlock. You got me. How did you figure it out? Was it the out or the ordinary thing I did of asking about parenting on a parenting site? Must try to be less obvious next time.

You just never know to be honest - I found baby and kid age east, teens around 14-16 challenging and early twenties surprisingly difficult (which I wasn't expecting at all) both DD
My sister has found other ages challenging - horses for courses.

DS1 no age as he's always been easy going. He's 20 now.

DS2 13 was hard mainly due to friendship issues. Now 17 and no bother.

Yes, this thread is the first time I have thought about past teen years and the difficulties that will come with life and adulthood. And the in between stages where they're old enough to not need ground rules, but still young enough to need guidance.

Definitely 0-5 was the worst for me. Every year got better after that. She's nearly 30 now.

Yes. I fought (unsuccessfully) to get support throughout his childhood and adolescence. But because he was (is) bright and capable we got no where. Until he left home, and suddenly the few life strategies that he has just aren't enough for coping with adulthood. Receiving a text that says, 'i am deteriorating' when your child is hundreds of miles from home is very alarming.

BUT - I am writing this message from his uni accommodation while he is at his friends room next door. We are travelling home tomorrow, and he is going to let me help him deal with GP appointments etc. We will do anything to help him.

So I guess even though this stage is incredibly hard, it is still just part of the never ending process of parenting. I was naïve to think it would get easier, for us it's got harder, but the love is constant and never ending as well.

@FirstTimeNameChanger that sounds hard , hopefully you can get the help he needs x

Thank you @mycatsanutter

my dd gave me and my dh more grief than imaginable (she even wrote a book about it) from 18-25. not her words per say but her actions and inactions (refused to get a job insisted we fund her lifestyle) obviously some lying and manipulation (which her brothers spotted and led them to basically being super low contact with her).
horrible horrible years :(

I have 3 girls and age 13 was the worst - buying alcohol underage, swearing, stealing £10 out of my purse, screaming arguments, poor hygiene, sense of entitlement etc. I love them really

I have DD, DS, DD.

Age 14 to 18 was horrible with all three. Split up with their father when they were 11, 9 and nearly 6.

Now all in their 30s, happy, successful and with children of their own.

16 and 18 dds. I found having a baby and toddler extremely hard, but have found the teen years nice.

@mycatsanutter Yours also sounds tough. It's when I read things like yours and @FirstTimeNameChanger
It makes me really think of the difference it makes with who you're lucky or unlucky enough to be born to.
They're, and others DC on this thread, are really lucky to have you.

This sounds so hard. When it's over, it isn't really over because there's so much to get over and there's a rift between siblings.

I absolutely loved it when mine were teens, (boy and girl, 2 years apart). They are 26 and 24 now and I am so grateful to have an amazing relationship with both of them

For me, the absolute WORST part of parenting was when they got their driver's license as teens. I was never worried about them driving because they were both very sensible, but the anxiety I had over other idiots on the road was horrific.

This is the worry! I was a horrible, horrible, HORRIBLE teenager. Some of my friends were even worse. I must have been so disgusting to live with, and my parents must have gone through the whole "I love her, but I don't like her sometimes" for years rather than a short term thing.
I don't even know what I would do if mine do the same things as teens. It's not like they're 7 and you can say go to your room and they'll just listen.

At least you managed to pull them through it. I do sometimes think those years can be make or break sometimes, or at least play a huge role in where they'll be and how satisfied they'll be with life later on.

I got off so lightly with the teenage years, I read some of the horror stories on here and I genuinely don’t know how I would have coped. My daughter probably gave me more grief than the boys but even then it was more eye rolling and messy bedroom than actual worries.
I’ve always talked to them about everything and trusted that the values I’d demonstrated would lead to them making good decisions and they’ve all lived up to that.
I’m going on holiday tomorrow with my 27, 25 and 21 year old children, and one of their partners, and I know we’ll have so much fun. I love their company and they are just really lovely people. I think it’s more luck than anything, they take after their very laidback dad!

12-18 was fairly difficult, peaking at about 14-16 but does depend on the child and circumstances

Would you say this was more to do with your parenting or just their nature/personality, or is it a good mix of both?
For both the behaviour and the good relationship you now have.