If your DC are adults or older teens...

[StillDre]

What was the most stressful age?
What age do you think they start pushing boundaries more, answering back, do the Kevin and Perry attitude or start to care a bit less about breaking rules?

7 then mid teens then early 20s!!!

Boys 14-16 yuck

I found 0-3 were the hardest years, teens and twenties have been great.

When they started driving. Awful. Thankfully now they are in their 30s it's much less stressful

How worrying. Must have been so stressful for her. That's part of the thing of "they're always my baby" I suppose.
I've seen some parents who's children are now older people, and always thought it was sweet but then these sorts of things would be the flip side of it.

@MIBnightmare that's really nice , so lovely they all get on .

Why when they start driving? I would have thought that was less stressful as although you have to worry about accidents you can worry less about all these stories you hear of people being attacked or robbed when walking home or wherever, because cars can still be a worry when they aren't driving so it's double worry.

Most stressful, most challenging by FAR were the baby years (and, then the 'baby and toddler together' and then the 'Infant, toddler and baby' years. Needing to do everything for them whilst being sleep deprived (and broke).

Teenage, and adult years are great. You get enough sleep, and that makes it easier to deal with most things.

I have 4 dc aged late teens and older. It has varied with each one, but mostly its when they start driving and making their own decisions (that anyone with half a brain would see was a stupid idea) but you have to let them get on with it as its the only way they will learn. And then trying to decide when its SO important that you should ask them if they have thought of any other options or the ramifications etc (while still not telling them they are blind idiots!)

Each age has different stresses, though I found little ones more stressful than teens. Mine were the toddlers trying to climb up anything if you looked away for a moment, now I can trust them to keep themselves safe and be generally polite and kind while doing it.

They're all different, but with my older three children, Year 8 was the drama year - all the social/academic/puberty/sense of self drama that sometimes did lead to them being sarky with me. I've one more to go through it, and I'm looking forward to being on the other side.

My 16 year old is just getting to the point of relaxing about the rules - though still goes on regular rants that her school peers don't follow them and the school doesn't enforce them to her liking (to be fair, her school just put out uniform information -- and it was wrong. Apparently they don't even know what shoes and skirts are technically acceptable). My 13 year old has been there for over a year now though has always been the kind where you tell her to stop, she'll do it one more time just to be sure. The older lawful to the younger's chaotic.

Most of what I'd do differently involves COVID. There are other little things here and there, but mainly it's that. My 18 year old particularly got emotionally hit by it very hard, habits particularly around screens had to change because he needed to do his GCSE work and I still feel that we're stumbling to get him back on track. He's wonderful to talk to and things, but it stunted him and the depressive episodes - and shouldering those things from people who weren't really his friends and dumped on him a lot - have taken their toll. I wish I'd had more understanding of Level 3 apprenticeships or that the school he did would have recommended that more for him as the minimal structure at the college has only amplified all the issues that came during lockdowns for him, he's now preparing for one and I'm just hoping that stronger structure will be helpful for him.

This needs a whole AMA of it's own haha. Ask you how to raise such a large blended family harmoniously, and how to deal with so many teen and older stresses at once. I'm here losing my hair just on how to manage paint splashes, bedtimes and playground arguments 😂

@StillDre just thought of something else , always be there for something important in their life even when they are adults . My ds25 ran his first marathon in April , we went to support him and he said it really spurred him on every time he saw us and was so grateful we made the effort .

DD is now 19, honestly things just get more stressful and complex the older she gets! This has definitely been exacerbated by spending much of her formative teen years in lockdown though, and also health struggles over the last few years holding her back a bit. I long for the days now when our worst fights were over not doing enough GCSE revision or being out too much with friends! Now the big stressors are money, where she wants to go in life etc which are far more complex. Age 15 was by far the worst in terms of rebelling though!!

Dd was a pain from about 5-12, always had to have the last word and was hard work. Weirdly she matured when she hit puberty (but still has to have the last word even as an adult.....)

DS was a thoroughly whingey baby but fine once he started walking and hasn't been any bother since.

What do you wish you had done differently Gone to a few more special events/activities
what do you look back on and know you did the right way said I would help them if they asked me but made them responsible for their own homework/school stuff etc as it meant they could be really praised for doing it and I did not have to nag.

Mine never have. There has been plenty of stress from SEN issues and bullying but they have never been difficult with us. I've enjoyed these years more than any other part of being a parent I think.

@clipclop5 I have found my dd more challenging than her brothers, she is 21 now and never really came back home after Uni . If she rings me and I don't answer I get messages like ' answer meeeee ' ' and ' mum answer quick ' but I often ring her and get no answer !

I agree broadly with this. My boy was more like 13-15 though. He’s 16, nearly 17 now and pretty much fine. Dd didn’t push boundaries but I found the adjustment to teen years/social media/living in her bedroom tricky (she’s the firstborn) and she had some mental health struggles around 15-16.

Mine are 18 and 21 and I've not had any of that.

@crazycrofter yea my dd had issues at that age too , I remember driving her to Camhs appointments , she wouldn't speak on the way there (hour drive ) nor on the way back , it was a tough time .

@mycatsanutter it’s a hard age for girls. Thankfully lockdown came at just the right time for my dd and she was able to work through her issues.

Youngesr is 16, other two DC are adults. Apart from what I'd consider normal thankfully they're all great, never any trouble.
The hardest time by far. DC1 beginning their IVF journey, watching their upset and fears has been awful. I can't fix that. I can just be there and support them.

Now. He is 21 and my god no one warns you how hard it can be to parent an adult child. His idiosyncrasies, quirks etc which were well managed and supported at home have developed into (or were always) mental health issues, undiagnosed ADHD, failing at uni, complete lack of contact, ignoring my phone calls, not knowing where he is or if he's okay, wondering what I could or should have done differently, really mourning the loss of a child that I could fix everything for... When your child is out there in the world and is struggling and you can't fix it it is incredibly hard. Give me toddler tantrums or teenage strops over this any day

I totally get this and agree. I find it so much harder now they are adults. It’s heartbreaking at times.

Are you writing an article OP?