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Original poster

DS kicked out of Uni after 2nd year - what now?

345 replies

FeelingAtTheEndOfMyTether · 04/06/2023 02:31

Totally furious but trying to keep my cool although he is well aware of how disappointed we are in him!

He rang me yesterday after being told apparently that morning, Has been pretending all fine for a while. I even sent him a massive treat parcel thinking he was cramming to finish his project last week!

Apparently he was supposed to resit modules from his 1st year but he hadn’t even done that (he never told us and lied that he’d passed it all), in addition to not completing all his modules this year and only 40% attendance (that’s what he said but probably lower than that!).

DH went to pick him up from his halls tonight and get all his stuff so back at home now with student overdraft maxed out (£1500) and not a penny to his name.

He lived at home in first year and we hoped moving into halls might make him grow up and sort his shit out. Bloody waste of £10k on accommodation!

He didn’t get a part time job at all this year despite promising he would get a job as going into halls as we couldn’t afford to give him extra money but been giving him regular money to buy groceries (maintenance loan covered accommodation and a few hundred a month left over).

So not working or doing his actual Uni work!

He had crap attendance last year as well and I was shocked that he got onto 2nd year. I did tell him last summer to withdraw, take a year out, work and either continue or start again when he’s ready but he insisted he’d work this time.

Uni is out now as won’t get funding for another 3 years and Uni has said he’d have to repeat Yr1.

He didn’t work last year either and has only held part time jobs for a few weeks at a time since leaving school.

He has a extended BTEC in an area which will not directly lead to a job and As and A*s in his GCSEs in Maths and Sciences (he actually ditched his A levels in Maths and 2 Sciences to do the BTEC so has already had an extra year in college), but D in English and didn’t resit it.

Uni course would have given him lots of options in career.

Cannot convey how angry I am at him (and sorry for him) but logically know it’s not the end of the world, glad he’s safely back home and he still has time to turn it around.

I’ve told him he’s got two weeks to get a job or ……….. what? I don’t know as can’t kick him out! His PC is not being set up at home. I’m surprised DH hasn’t taken a hammer to it tonight.

He’s highly intelligent but extremely lazy with a gaming addiction which he has now admitted after many years of arguing about and denying. No drugs, rarely drinks, in the main a good, caring lad but just wants to sit on his arse gaming all night and sleeping all day.

What to do?

OP posts:

Chatillon · 11/06/2023 16:23

@FeelingAtTheEndOfMyTether

I have not been back to this thread since the beginning, but I was pleased to see this. Also applied to the Navy for IT related role. Honestly, getting a skill in the forces is a smart way to turn things around. The 'making of him' in other ways pales into significance if he were to have several years in Navy or Air Force. There are many skills beyond just the technical skills, for one an ingrained "can do" attitude. Good luck.

Xenia · 11/06/2023 17:24

I am very pleased - about to start the warehouse job, then hopes to learn to drive, possible job in the navy in IT and hopefully you can work out student loan issues - I don't see why if he was suspended early last academic year he should be liable for fees/loan to June but I suppose the devil will be in the detail of the loan terms and conditions. When my son had to withdraw from year 3 he as off from about Feb or March to September and from memory I think for that year he just had one term of fees charged by the university and then his year 4 (which would have been his year 3) was fees as usual so he just had one extra term of fees.

Paq · 12/06/2023 10:54

So pleased to hear your positive update OP. I hope you are also looking after yourself.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Higher education

Outdamnspot23 · 12/06/2023 18:53

This is great news! What kind of job is it? Hope it’s something he enjoys, great he’s got a medium term aim too with the driving lessons

sashh · 13/06/2023 07:07

Great news OP.

Your DS must be so relieved that you know he wasn't working at uni. Uni isn't for everyone and for some people it is not for them in their teens and early 20s.

It sounds like he has gone from a moping about teenager out of his depth to being a young man with a plan in 10 days. That's amazing.

Gabby10 · 13/06/2023 11:03

This is great news! Also reminds me of myself with college! I hated it and ended up not completing the work which meant I was told I wouldn't be able to go into the second year. I was petrified what my mum would say but managed to find a full time job within the week for a great company that I still work for now 15 years later! Classroom environments aren't for everyone and I've probably learnt more working then I did in school. He will be brill in his job and also appreciate how supportive you and dad have been x

Original poster

FeelingAtTheEndOfMyTether · 13/06/2023 16:35

He actually got himself up at 6am this morning, cycled 30 mins to work to start at 7am. Worked until 3 and has stopped off at the gym on his way home.

I am kinda WTAF!

Who is this kid! Feeling a bit worried about the complete personality change tbh!

He’s going to bed at 10pm and no gaming at all.

OP posts:

RosesAndHellebores · 13/06/2023 18:51

He is presumably relieved that it's all now out in the open. May be the makingnof him. We'll done. You have been a fabulous parent.

MuggleMe · 13/06/2023 20:14

It might be a bit like going on a diet after eating too much crap. I would expect a bit of a honeymoon period and be prepared to stick to 1 month and limited times for gaming.

Original poster

FeelingAtTheEndOfMyTether · 13/08/2023 01:35

Well as a further update, Student Finance is now chasing DS for a £10k overpayment for this year’s maintenance loan! They actually rang him while he was at work a few weeks ago (no letter received saying he had to pay it back) and got him to agree to paying back £400 a month when he’s on minimum wage!

He told me when he got home and when I said, why the hell did you agree to that you bloody idiot! He said they asked if he was working and how much he earnt and told him it had to be paid back within 2 years or they could get an attachment of earnings!

I rang them and said no way is he paying that amount (he gave me permission) and they said they were told by the University in July that he hadn’t attended since November so he wasn’t entitled to Finance since then and it’s been recalculated.

The University only officially said they were withdrawing him in June and he’s got the email. He was only suspended in May for non attendance.

What I don’t get is he was living in University halls and it says if he’s not on a course he has to leave so why didn’t they kick him out in November!

He made further accommodation payments in January and April which took most of his loan so at least his Finance would have been cancelled then and he wouldn’t have this massive overpayment.

Obviously all his fault and he’s got himself into this mess but this is ridiculous.

We got the letters (x3) saying he had to pay the overpayment now a week after they called him.

His Student Finance account did say the tuition fees had been paid as we checked, but after DS got this call, it had changed to that they were cancelled.

We’ve emailed the University to clarify why they’ve done this considering he didn’t get the notice of withdrawal until June but they’re not responding and DS only has 30 days to put a stop on the overpayment collection which runs out next week.

I feel terrible for him as he’s managed to clear off his student overdraft which he was feeling proud about and will now potentially have to immediately start paying off £10k (plus the wasted £20k for the 1st year but at least that will be dependent on salary) which will take him years to pay off.

Can any of the posters from Universities who posted previously advise?

OP posts:

Hiddenvoice · 13/08/2023 02:50

It’s been a while since I was at Uni but if I remember rightly, as much as the uni should notify finance, the student should also notify when they stopped attending. So even if the uni withdrew him from the course in June, he stopped attending 7 months prior so should have been receiving payment.

I understand he was young and now realises his mistake. It may take a little while for the uni to respond via email due to summer and then preparing for the new year so might be best phoning or popping in in person. The best chance is to agree a lower repayment scheme. Do you have any of the original documents from when he first applied? They should show you terms and conditions of the contract.

Hiddenvoice · 13/08/2023 02:52

Meant- shouldn’t have been accepting payment.

JudgeRudy · 13/08/2023 09:37

Addiction is real. Punishment ie lack of privileges and disapproval shame will most likely induce anger or depression. His head is wired differently, that alone won't motivate change.
Sounds like he's recognised he has a problem, so that's a good start. Look put for other behaviours that often accompany this and try your hardest to not be judgemental. Hes at rock bottom so now might be a good time to get it all out. Does he 'self medicate' with weed? Is he drinking a lot of energy drinks? Does he have (hidden) debts....he knows you're angry and ashamed. He's angry and ashamed. He needs a solution.
Start off with his physical health. Give him a short term goal/reward eg coach to 5k (could you do it together?), White Collar Boxing etc and to research some careers. Could he do a 'tradie' course locally eg train to become an eletrician.
I have challenges with executive function. I'm not lazy, I'm not selfish and I do care. I still struggle to meet deadlines and I'm often late. Not only do I hate the immediate effect it has on me but I'm filled with shame snd self loathing that I've let other people down snd it makes me want to give up. Someone saying 'OK, you know what a problem you've caused but I can see you're trying. Now how can we sort this mess?' is far more likely to promote a positive outcome than being scolded or judged. At the end of the day you're on his side. Tell him.

sashh · 14/08/2023 06:11

I don't have experience of overpayment of lloans but I do have an understanding of debt.

He needs to make a list of priority debts, priority payments and income.

Now he won't have a lot of debts (hopefully) but I assume he is paying you rent and board?

That is his priority, then there is travel to work (don't tell them about the bike) toiletries, clothing, gym membership... write down anything and everything.

Once he has his budget then take the left over amount and halve it, this is what he can pay as a maximum.

If they take him to court and get a CCJ then it will impact his credit rating BUT the court will take the same approach as above as to how much he has to pay monthly.

Don't forget he may not be being taxed at the moment if he hasn't paid tax this year so his income may go down in April.

You also write a letter to SLC saying that you cannot afford to have him live with you for free and if he can't contribute the the family finances he will have to find accomodation elsewhere.

He shouls also ask if they can write part of the loan off. IMHO it sounds like he has been sufferning depression while at uni, your GP might be able to write a letter saying if this was the case. And if the GP does say he has had or has a MH condition that puts him into the 'vulnerable' group and the SLC has to take that in to account in the way they deal with it.

It's not the end of the world, it's another wide on the road but it will straighten out eventually.

SiouxsieSiouxStiletto · 14/08/2023 07:52

If they take him to court and get a CCJ then it will impact his credit rating BUT the court will take the same approach as above as to how much he has to pay monthly.

If it does go to Cpurt and ends up in enforcement the fact that he's living with you means that almost all of his income will be classed as available and he could end up being ordered to pay more than the £400 per month currently requested. Plus, he will have a CCJ which means no loans for 6 years and he'll probably not be able to rent anywhere either.

DriftingDora · 14/08/2023 17:05