If people are as horrible in real life as they are on here I really feel sorry for their children, friends and family 😩

[ToddlerMama27]

There’s just so much bullying, nastiness and judgement

I could have written this myself! Totally agree.

Are you talking about your AMA thread? If so, I'm not sure how you expected it to go and you were hardly judgement free yourself.

Ohh, did OP have an 'interesting' AMA?

(Obviously I'm off to advanced search now...).

These threads come up every other week.
And while I don't disagree with the OP I think that deep down most people like a bit of drama as long as it's not effecting them personally.

That femvox site spun off but remains quiet because it doesn't have the argy bargy that MN does.

I think that's fair -- it's the same reason people post on the baby names forum, because they want opinions from strangers who don't feel the need to be tactful or sugarcoat responses, the way friends and family may.

I agree there is absolutely a scattering of assholes on here, as you will get anywhere, but whose asshat qualities are probably 'enhanced' by anonymity.

I think it's also worth pointing out, though, that Mn has a disproportionate number of lonely people who struggle with friendships and relationships in general, and whose main social 'outlet' is being on here. I do think that this warps some of the advice and norms on things like friendship issues on here, because, frankly, many of the people giving their input have some very strange, reactive ideas about taking offence over very minor things, 'cutting people off' for not adhering to a fairly arbitrary set of 'friendship rules' etc.

I don't, for instance, think most people who are exposed to the ordinary social world of other people via friendships and collegial relationships in the workplace, regard the school run as a source of stress and horror and self-consciousness, or get quite so exercised about a solo luncher occupying a six-seater picnic bench, or 'reciprocal' bridesmaid arrangements.

And because some of these posters don't really have friendships in the real world, they get their ideas about friendships from on here, often from other people who don't really have friendships in the real world either, which means there is a weird feedback loop of stuff about cutting people off, 'Wendying', friendships inevitably involving crises, exploitation and drama, opposite-sex friendships as 'dangerous' or inevitably ending in someone making a pass, 'I have no time for friends, I'm just happy with my own little family' etc etc.

I mean, obviously, this is far from everyone on here, but I do think it contributes to some slightly odd 'norms' to do with relating to other people on here.

Actually, having seen the OP's username, I'm not sure I need to AS...

(Is that nasty enough for you OP?).

You see, the Internet makes us be a bit dickish!

But, you do reap what you sow...

I regret giving too much weight to posters on here when I posted asking for advice about my now ex.

I don't think he would be my now ex if I'd carried on going down the slow path we were walking and waiting patiently for things to get where I knew they were likely to end up. I made the mistake of listening to the several MN voices telling me I should expect more now, (or have self respect, don't put up with that, he needs to do more, LTB )rather than my gut telling me that I should go slower than slow.

I ended up confronting him a few times over the same issue, when I should have held my tongue and had patience. He ended it.

I now realise the issue was more of an issue to MN than to me.

Lesson learned for me.

I don’t agree
I love the fact that I can be challenged and argued with on here in a way that people would be unlikely to do in real life.
If MN isn’t for you OP then fair enough, you can leave or maybe stay and lead by example - your choice

I've never seen any evidence of this. I've seen OPs gradually reveal a pattern of abusive behaviour from their partner or years of unforgivable behaviour and it's then that the responses start to change more to LTB and understandably so.

Meh, it’s not Nethuns, for sure, but neither is it Tattle 🤷‍♀️

That's also important, I think -- there do seem to be some posters on here who are completely unused to be disagreed with roundly in the real world, and seem to think it's an unwarranted attack when they encounter it on here.

I ended up taking my dd out of primary school and sending her privately as so many posters insisted she must have SEN due to her behaviour. I mean 100% of posters.

She doesn't have SEN and we wasted loads of money until we moved her back to state for 6th form. She's now doing medicine. She was just an anxious child and grew out of it really quickly. I wish I had supported the school more at the time.

That's really not the norm on here. Mostly people are forthright and no nonsense at a push but anyone who steps too far over the line is typically told to rein it in and/or deleted.

They don't say it IRL, but you know they still think it. So it's just as bad really

I had her assessed, which she found distressing and results were inconclusive, mainly because she wouldn't engage. That was because she was almost certainly autistic, according to mumsnet.

I was lonely and worried at the time and put far too much store by internet randoms, even if their intentions were good ones.

Lesson learned for you too then, eh?

When there is such an overwhelming majority telling you they're right and you're wrong, it's hard not to go down that road, isn't it?

Sounds like your girl is doing very well after following the path she went on during her schooling. Says a lot about your parenting and her resilience. 👏

Yes agree OP. So many snarky people and self-righteous virtue signallers and goaders. Take your pick!

You get the posters who post “get over yourself” and you’re “so entitled” or worse to people who have good reason to be upset. People love a pile on too. Years ago one horrible thread really started to push me over the edge. In those circumstances. A decent post is like a glass of water in a desert sometimes. Not forgetting the witch-hunt of media figure nonentities, which I find bizarre.

In real life I suspect reckon a lot of unpleasant people fake their niceness. Others don’t even bother to hide their unpleasantness. I don’t have a high opinion of humanity ….

However, once in a blue moon I ask a practical question if I’m really struggling. I did this recently over “bed bugs” and the replies were really helpful. Both sympathetic and instructive. A very rare case where “hive mind” came up with the goods.

I think a lot of MN personas are fantasy versions of the real human beings behind them - an imaginary alter-ego who "speaks her mind" in social situations, has a tinky laugh that always puts other people in their places, and is way too fancy to put photos on the wall at home.

It's a bit like an RPG. None of it is real.

Quite right. It's by far the most considered forum. Tattle is quite the eye opener!

@Izzabird spot on!

I remember quite clearly my first MN monstering.

My husband was working away for the week, we lived in a very isolated house at the time, the children were very young.

I'd been badgering my husband to fix my son's bedroom door, he hadn't done it. It was a Monday evening and I'd bathed the children and went to read them their bedtime story. My DD slammed the door and the handle fell out on the outside. We were absolutely trapped in the room, I didn't have my phone with me, we didn't have neighbours. The drop from the window was about 12 feet onto a stone terrace. We were going to die in there!

After about three hours of panic and much fiddling with anything I could find I cannibalised a playmobil cow and used it's leg to open the door, it was just the right shape. Phew!

Children in bed, a well-deserved glass of wine poured I thought I'd share my 'lighthearted story'.

Nope.

I got absolutely hammered to death for not fixing the door myself, not having my phone with me at all times, and generally being a shit human being.

That was about 14 years ago.

I learnt a few Very Important Lessons that Monday evening. No. 1 being, MN don't take no prisoners.

I hung around though.

Yeah @Hal9001 ive experienced the whole you’re a shit mum, shit human being for the tiniest reason or actually no real reason at all - and when you’re at your lowest. The irony is that those nasty posters were the actually truly vile ones and you felt sorry for their family.

MN is nowhere near as good as it was 14+ years ago. And its full of "but what if <insert wild speculation here> types or "yes its fine if your DH wants to wank to pictures of chihuahuas if you have never told him its unacceptable" 🙄

I have to say though I enjoy the "can I wear this to a wedding" "no you can't it has a white label that might show and dazzle the flash on the photos" threads immensely.

It was just as horrible 14 years ago (IMO). Maybe worse.

Yes, I was 'got at' when I first joined. There are some horrible people. If I thought I had upset someone, I'd be mortified. But hey, as long as they're 'right', eh?

I find if you don't comment on a post in the first few pages, don't. It gets nasty after that. Plus I do try to not 'go with the crowd'. Sometimes I read through a complete thread& think surely they can't ALL think this way? Yep, apparently they follow, & DO.