If people are as horrible in real life as they are on here I really feel sorry for their children, friends and family 😩

[ToddlerMama27]

There’s just so much bullying, nastiness and judgement

I don't see why you get the oh here we go people or fuck off if you don't like it here. If people are using this forum they can complain about it if they think its broken

I'm going to get a bit tin foil hat here, I do wonder when I see some posters get absolutely frothy and make up some nonsense if they are not just male trolls who get their kicks from shouting at women and get to do it here in an anonymous way. Then that leads to a pile on inevitably.

YADNBU X

I intrinsically disagree with OP. I mean, sure, there are some nasty people or those who seem to purposefully try to wind people up, but it's more that a lot of the time if you post for an opinion you get the real opinions and not the toned-down versions people give in real life. And you also often get to see a lot of different perspectives which can be helpful.

I've always been a liberal and I like to think I had a good sense of what privilege meant and the inequalities in society, but being on MN has really brought that home to me far more. eg, I can totally imagine that in my well-intentioned by middle class way, I'd have been someone who 15 years ago would have been like, "but cooking pasta is cheap - why can't people feed themselves" with zero understanding of the bigger issues.

Ditto re relationships and controlling, misogynist behaviour from men - a lot of that I would have probably just seen as no big deal. All those women who bravely post their stories here and talk about what's really happening have opened my eyes.

Probably for the posters who just like being nasty for no reason to piss off.

I just laugh to myself and assume they are just sad pathetic people who get off on making other people feel like shit.

In response to 'if you haven't got something nice to say don't say it' Doesn't it make posting asking for genuine opinions a bit pointless though? The person or situation you are posting about may be thinking the unkind version, better to consider both sides surely then skip around thinking you must be right because lots of strangers agree with you surely

That’s appalling. I would have left the group too.

I think there was a bubble from about the late 1990s to mid-2010s when standard of living was at a high and disposable income (whether earned of borrowed) was plentiful, and people got very used to it. Things are sadly returning to how they were 25+ years ago and this is causing a lot of resentment. I had no idea it was affecting people’s manners and basic decency IRL though!

Paraphrasing but someone on here once told me they hoped I’d get cancer/have a heart attack and die because I questioned the ongoing sustainability of a free NHS and that I was a “scumbag Tory” 😵

That doesn't surprise me. Tbf I had similar once and mumsnet did delete it.

There's a difference between disagreeing with someone and not being nice.

There should be kindness in the disagreement.

@Inthebathagain

I agree, but, I would say that some posters will perceive any type of disagreement and questions as criticism and judgement.

Sadly it's the nature of the internet and social media in particular. Extreme views are given disproportionate "airtime". It gives nasty people a platform to peddle their extreme views, nastiness, etc. "Real life" away from the screen continues to be completely different.

I try to get this across to our DS who sometimes gets quite upset/annoyed by random things he sees on social media and thinks that people in real life are the same. We have to keep reminding him that people are more "normal" in real life, and he does take that onboard and often mentions people being "surprisingly" nice when he meets new people in real life! In particular, he was really worried and stressed when he went to a couple of job interviews in person as he'd just read himself into oblivion on the internet at the way interviews try to fool you, catch you out, etc., but both times, he came out visibly happy that they'd been so nice, he'd been given tours, everyone had been friendly, etc.!

A classic example was our local football club. On social media, you'd think the manager was the devil in disguise and that no one liked him, everyone wanted him sacked, etc. But if you actually took time to look at the names of those posting, it was always the same small number of people in their own echo chamber, just saying the same things on multiple posts and across multiple SM platforms. On the terraces, when talking to the people around you, chatting on the way to/from the ground, etc., the vast majority were supportive and liked the manager! That's something I have to keep reminding our son whenever he as a "wobble" after looking on social media!

Telling off and showing off. Showing off happens a lot here as well.

Yes lots of miserable and cruel people on here. I stay for the nice ones.

I find I reach breaking point every so often and post with frustration and a permanent ban is looming. Probably for the best really🙂

I totally agree. These are the comments I find really insidious. I always have to remind myself that they’ve probably been written by a really bitter, lonely person who wants everyone to be a miserable as they are.
The slightly bitchy or exasperated comments I find fine. Just people’s opinions and sometimes a good reality check.

This is a nice way to put it. But looking at some threads and way they typically go I think may be too hard for many

No, it's true. People are frequently encouraged to distance themselves from their friends and go NC with their families for trivial reasons.

I would say, if you're getting upset by randos on the Internet, don't solicit opinions from randos on the Internet.

All human life is out here, yes, you will get some people who are, quite frankly over-invested and use forums as an outlet for their rage at the world. You will also probably get humane and sensible advice if you post on the right board.

If you're a masochist, post something on AIBU, whatever you post, and no matter how reasonable you are, you will get a thrashing.

Don't like it? Don't do it!

I got an absolute hammering under a different name recently. Did it overly concern me? No. I doubt very much that that the people concerned would have said that in person, they obviously had a lot of frustration and I happened to be a handy outlet.

I saw it as a public service really.

You are right about MN always encouraging women to isolate from friends and family. It’s like a cult or an abusive partner.

Most of my interactions on here have been lovely and supportive. The only exception was the woman who told me to give my head a wobble because I disagreed with her 😂

No, they probably wouldn't say it. But they may well be thinking it.

I find this forum to be full of woke airy fairy, woolly people who do not appreciate plain speaking. Honestly if they lived in my town and heard normal proper conversations, they would die from clutching their pearls so tightly😂

I come on MN for the straight talking.

Many years ago when I first joined I posted a problem I had, then posters that some would see as nasty, started asking questions about other things, and made me see that my relationship was abusive, I also got so much support to leave, I was supported through the deaths of my kids, through health issues with my kids, through cancer....

I like the fact people will just tell you straight without necessarily having an emotional response to your situation.

There are, of course, some people who just like to be assholes for the sake of it, but that's on every corner of the Internet.

That's not true. There is a weird unwillingness to accommodate in laws, true. But a lot of the time, the relationship is totally toxic and making the poster unhappy. In real life, people may well be thinking, "you should never see or speak to this person again" but they don't necessarily say it because they know that the person will get defensive and often it backfires.

It is perfectly possible not to go NC with your entire family after posting about a minor infringement.

I do think that forums, by their very nature, attract a higher proportion of less socially adept types. The 'I never answer my door', or 'we absolutely never have guests to stay' threads always completely boggle my mind.

I've been here for about 17 years, I find it quite educational that I go about my daily business and bonkers people walk amongst us at all times, masquerading as reasonable human beings.