Page 9 | At what household income would you become a SAHP?

AlenaMacc · 2023-05-25T20:54:17+00:00

Just curious really. I am aware that many people don’t want to be SAHPs for reasons other than money, but in this case I am asking purely about the financial aspect. What would the household income need to be for you personally so that either you or your spouse would become a SAHP in order to improve the family quality of life etc?

SouthLondonMum22 · 26/05/2023 14:27

bamboonights · 26/05/2023 14:16

I 💯 agree with you. I'm so glad my children had me to care for them and weren't passed from one childcare establishment to another. Both have thrived into happy, confident adults and I like to think this grounding contributed towards that. Would do much rather do with out the 'fancy stuff'.

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Of course you'd like to think that. The reality is that just as many children with working parents also thrive into happy, confident adults.

Littlebluebellwoods · 26/05/2023 14:31

BSB30 · 26/05/2023 12:26

@G5000 I meant that I could not comprehend why someone would need that amount of money to live on. Obviously it's each persons individual choice but i was just shocked that it would be that amount for some to maintain their lifestyle if they were not working.

But what you “need” to live on is very different to what you need to give up working. Many women would wish their salaries covered, future earning potential and of course full pension contributions. That’s where the numbers come from.

what you need to live on is very different. It’s bare min. What you need to have coming in to give you enough comfort you would not have to work is very different, and for many women, unless that money is theirs then relying on someone else is not something they would consider due to thr risk of illness, death, redundancy, divorce etc.

TheMoops · 26/05/2023 14:35

I'm so glad my children had me to care for them and weren't passed from one childcare establishment to another

Mine haven't been passed form one establishment to another. One nursery which went right through to pre-school. Then 80% of that group moved to the school around the corner.
So my DS has had consistency and experienced a high quality childcare environment in which he thrived.

Both have thrived into happy, confident adults and I like to think this grounding contributed towards that.

See above.
Children who attended childcare and had working parents can also grow up to be confident happy adults....in fact the vast, vast majority do!

My DS is 9 and is a confident, happy child and we regularly get comments about how lovely/well behaved/polite/great company he is.

Would do much rather do with out the 'fancy stuff'.

Because of course, women only work for fancy stuff.
Men provide
Women work for vanity

ToK1 · 26/05/2023 14:36

@bamboonights

Didn't your oh want to care for his kids?

Do you think having a sahm is the only way to achieve kids growing up well grounded?

MrsSamR · 26/05/2023 14:45

TheMoops · 26/05/2023 14:35

I'm so glad my children had me to care for them and weren't passed from one childcare establishment to another

Mine haven't been passed form one establishment to another. One nursery which went right through to pre-school. Then 80% of that group moved to the school around the corner.
So my DS has had consistency and experienced a high quality childcare environment in which he thrived.

Both have thrived into happy, confident adults and I like to think this grounding contributed towards that.

See above.
Children who attended childcare and had working parents can also grow up to be confident happy adults....in fact the vast, vast majority do!

My DS is 9 and is a confident, happy child and we regularly get comments about how lovely/well behaved/polite/great company he is.

Would do much rather do with out the 'fancy stuff'.

Because of course, women only work for fancy stuff.
Men provide
Women work for vanity

Great response - particularly the last point. No one accuses a well earning man of this but of course if a woman chooses to or needs to work it's because she wants to palm her kids off on someone else while she gets her hair and nails done!

Once I'm back to work full-time my salary will cover my 2 girls' school fees while my husband's will cover everything else and I'll feel incredibly proud of myself that my choice to return to work has given them that wonderful opportunity.

But equally, any woman who is working to contribute to bills, top up savings or to just keep up with her own career, NI and pension contributions should be totally justified in that choice.

I'll never understand why still SAHPs feel the need to drag down working parents as if it's the way it 'should' be done. Everyone is doing the best for their kids and that looks different for each family. Support each other and do what's right for you. We're all just doing our best.

NatureNurture85 · 26/05/2023 14:50

One of my very best friends is a SAHM. I 100% respect her for it she loves it and she’s wonderful. The kids have everything. But similarly I couldn’t give my kids what I want to give them (eg a private education) if we were a single income family. My friend has gone through bouts of depression (she was a Corporate lawyer and that world and kids just doesn’t mix) but what keeps her going is her kids. She’s a super mum and so am I!

ladygindiva · 26/05/2023 14:50

Dyrne · 25/05/2023 23:34

Interesting you should say that; given that the only hateful comment in this thread so far is of the “if you work you don’t love your children” type.

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" i would never be a sahm as I respect myself" was among the comments I scrolled past, I haven't even rtft so you're incorrect. There's been unnecessary judginess on both sides. Shame.

RufustheSpecuIatingreindeer · 26/05/2023 14:51

Everyone is doing the best for their kids and that looks different for each family. Support each other and do what's right for you. We're all just doing our best

agree

although i have seen plenty of working mothers dragging down sahm, it goes both ways but as you say everyone is just doing their best

to answer the question we decided that 25k was a good figure to aim for…BUT, that was 25 years ago 😀

Modaboutyou · 26/05/2023 14:52

Never but I guess if I had to put a figure on it....in excess of £200k.

Marblessolveeverything · 26/05/2023 14:58

Never considered it, but just to add there would have to be consideration of ensuring separate pension pots don top of the household income.

I see too many women side blinded by divorce and have to restart a career, and try to catch up on pension. Very challenging.

BSB30 · 26/05/2023 15:00

@Littlebluebellwoods I suppose I interpret the word 'need' as things you need for survival. Additional things and luxuries are 'wants' so I suppose I couldn't comprehend why someone would need that much money for the necessities in life.

ChickenMacaroni · 26/05/2023 15:01

We are in East Midlands. I was a SAHP with DH on £24k a decade ago. We didnt get tax credits but did get child benefit as we do now. Crucially we didn't have a mortgage and lived in a 3 bed small semi. We even had enough for DH to pay into a small pension for me.

Now we have 4 kids and a mortgage and higher bills for a bigger house, he'd need to be on about £50k - to cover my loss in earnings and the additional tax that comes with a single earner vs two part-timers - for us to maintain the lovely life we have. If we needed or wanted a SAHP again (due to poorly kids, caring for parents or similar) then we could manage it on £40k. For the non-negotiables we need about £2400 a month net income, including child benefit.

TheMoops · 26/05/2023 15:02

Everyone is doing the best for their kids and that looks different for each family. Support each other and do what's right for you. We're all just doing our best.

Exactly!
If being a SAHP is what works best for you and your family and something you want to do - great.
If it isn't, also great.

At the end of the day we're all doing our best.

Iliketulips · 26/05/2023 15:12

I was a SAHP for five years. DH (up until last couple of years) has always been around the average salary mark, which I believe is currently around £34000. DH had just started a new job and had to do a post graduate degree alongside it, so meant one of us always available for DD and also he didn't have much time to do practical jobs around the house, so I could get that done, leaving whatever amount of time he had as quality family time. Very lucky I could do that, especially as we never managed to have any more DC.

SouthLondonMum22 · 26/05/2023 16:30

BSB30 · 26/05/2023 15:00

@Littlebluebellwoods I suppose I interpret the word 'need' as things you need for survival. Additional things and luxuries are 'wants' so I suppose I couldn't comprehend why someone would need that much money for the necessities in life.

The OP did also talk about improving family quality of life though.

For me, a good quality of family life is about more than just survival.

BSB30 · 26/05/2023 16:52

@SouthLondonMum22 I absolutely agree with you.

Middlelanehogger · 26/05/2023 17:36

I think people who couldn't be fulfilled doing community work all day are a bit unimaginative about a) types of value in the world and b) sources of power. You could be volunteering as, say, the person who selects the political party MP candidate for your safe seat...

Anyway I think it's a bit disappointing that people are so quick to jumping to being dismissive of the value of community work, almost as if, because men would never do it, that means it's automatically valueless. What? Only work men would do has value?

OP I'd be a sahm for say, £50k or so I reckon.

stayathomer · 26/05/2023 17:51

I'll never understand why still SAHPs feel the need to drag down working parents as if it's the way it 'should' be done.
Both sets of parents give as good as they get-wm 's say how bored they'd be doing nothing, sahms say why would you work when it means you never see your child etc. I've been both, there's flaws in both, huge bonuses to both too!

stealthbanana · 26/05/2023 17:51

the community work argument is just a bit odd. If you’re community minded why not get a job working in that sector? I mean I do volunteer work with a ft job so I’m all for pitching in but it seems weird to me to one the one hand make yourself economically inactive with all the risks and downsides that entails and then give away your labour for free. And at a societal level if women weren’t picking up all the unpaid slack then maybe men would engage a bit more in school stuff etc which I think we can all agree would be aa big win.

SouthLondonMum22 · 26/05/2023 17:53

Middlelanehogger · 26/05/2023 17:36

I think people who couldn't be fulfilled doing community work all day are a bit unimaginative about a) types of value in the world and b) sources of power. You could be volunteering as, say, the person who selects the political party MP candidate for your safe seat...

Anyway I think it's a bit disappointing that people are so quick to jumping to being dismissive of the value of community work, almost as if, because men would never do it, that means it's automatically valueless. What? Only work men would do has value?

OP I'd be a sahm for say, £50k or so I reckon.

What I find disappointing are the double standards.

Men who work full time are providers
Women who work full time just want to buy fancy things

Women who work full time are told about what community work they should be doing all day instead
Men who work full time aren't told that, it's just expected that they would 'never' do it

Women who work full time are selfish and shouldn't have children
Men who work full time work hard for their family

Sexism is disappointing, very disappointing indeed.

curtainsfringe · 26/05/2023 17:55

The narrative that a men loves to work & provide for his family & woman would much prefer to not do that really annoys me. Plenty of us are good at & love our jobs. Plenty of men don't like the pressure to work.

curtainsfringe · 26/05/2023 17:58

I'm so glad my children had me to care for them and weren't passed from one childcare establishment to another

Does this mean you homeschooled? Even if I didn't work I don't have the patience for that!

curtainsfringe · 26/05/2023 18:00

Just to say, I personally don't see the point of having children if you're going to work 24/7 and barely see them.

Most jobs aren't 24/7 & do allow you to have some free time

SouthLondonMum22 · 26/05/2023 18:12

curtainsfringe · 26/05/2023 17:58

I'm so glad my children had me to care for them and weren't passed from one childcare establishment to another

Does this mean you homeschooled? Even if I didn't work I don't have the patience for that!

What's funny is that babies and toddlers are ''raised'' by those who care for them for most of the day but all of a sudden when they start school at 4, it doesn't count.

Amazing.

ThreeRingCircus · 26/05/2023 18:15

bamboonights · 26/05/2023 14:16

I 💯 agree with you. I'm so glad my children had me to care for them and weren't passed from one childcare establishment to another. Both have thrived into happy, confident adults and I like to think this grounding contributed towards that. Would do much rather do with out the 'fancy stuff'.

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Well, I certainly hope your children have grown up to be less judgemental than you are.

The vast majority of children grow up into happy, well adjusted adults if they have had supportive and loving parents.... regardless of whether those parents worked or not.

Being a working mother is not a "vanity project" this sort of opinion is so depressingly sexist. We're not all working for whatever you'd class "fancy stuff" as. Maybe, just maybe some of us enjoy our careers, want to set the example to our children that you don't have to financially rely on anyone else and don't want to place all the burden of supporting the family financially on our partners. Certainly me working has meant that DH and I are equally responsible for earning money, parenting our DDs and all associated childcare and housework.

The fact that I can pay for my own manicures is a bonus. 😂