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Original poster

At what household income would you become a SAHP?

344 replies

AlenaMacc · 25/05/2023 21:54

Just curious really.
I am aware that many people don’t want to be SAHPs for reasons other than money, but in this case I am asking purely about the financial aspect.
What would the household income need to be for you personally so that either you or your spouse would become a SAHP in order to improve the family quality of life etc?

OP posts:
Knightsrest · 25/05/2023 22:35

I would have done it if the mortgage was paid off.

The actual income seems less relevant because as much as what amount do I need for the standard of living I want I would have wanted the knowledge that if the sole income was lost I still had a home.

Fatat40 · 25/05/2023 22:35

KokoKardash · 25/05/2023 22:23

£150k,

But even then I'd still need to "work" I wouldn't do the same pressure filled job I do now but I'd love to do a job that's more like a hobby, or volunteer I suppose

But I wouldn't be willing to change my lifestyle so dh would need to earn £150k for me to consider it

This. £150-£200 to maintain a lifestyle and pay into both pensions.

Less tax efficient and achievable than 2 x £75-100k

BHRK · 25/05/2023 22:35

£200K. Because we have a great life with our salaries and so do our kids. And actually, they love the holidays thank you very much. We spend loads of time together too (which people don’t want to hear as MN likes to believe two FT working parents must never see their children).

SallyWD · 25/05/2023 22:36

I was a SAHM 10 years ago when DH was earning 60,000. Obviously things were cheaper then. I'd say we lived comfortably on that income. We could afford to buy a nice house, had several holidays a year, could easily pay all the bills etc. Now DH is earning quite a bit more and I'm working part time. I can't say I feel any richer!

Lasouthpaw · 25/05/2023 22:45

I'm SAHM. We have an income of just under £50k.

We bought our house with this in mind, a house we could afford for 5 years until our child goes to school and I go back to work.

Our parents help with finances too.

We don't have much for extras at all. Mostly goes on food, petrol, necessities for child once all bills paid.

We used to earn double what we do now, when I was working. Don't know what we did with it tbh!

RandomUsernameHere · 25/05/2023 22:47

Depends on what your outgoings are, but other factors to consider are:
Number of children and cost of childcare.
How much the loss of salary would be (due to both not working and lack of career progression).
Cost of commute and any other work expenses that can't be claimed back.
I was a SAHP for a bit, if I remember correctly our household income gross was c£150k at the time. It made sense practically and financially for us and was what I wanted to do.

MsCactus · 25/05/2023 22:48

thewillowbunnies · 25/05/2023 22:22

Just to say, I personally don't see the point of having children if you're going to work 24/7 and barely see them. I've enjoyed all the time I've had with my children and feel very privileged. We may not go on fancy holidays or wear new clothes, but the children are supported and now I'm always there at pickup. I can make every school event and take them to after school sports activities. I think there's a lot to be said for putting the children first if you can. Because of my work, I hear first hand how children do not like being passed from childminder to school to childminder and barely seeing their own parents. They genuinely do not give a crap about the fancy holiday you've just taken them on.

There was a long term study of mothers I read that showed stay at home mother's were one of the happiest groups when children were small ... But once their children left home and started their own lives they were the most miserable group of any mother/father.

So IMO I think it's important to have a bit of balance. If you dedicate your whole life to looking after your kids and nothing else you'll be devastated when/if they leave home and then rarely call or visit, which is the reality for some mums.

MsCactus · 25/05/2023 22:49

But to the OP... I'm also someone who wouldn't not work for any amount of money

Hamfish · 25/05/2023 22:53

I mean never as I respect myself but if you’re taking purely financially I’d say £180k. Which is our current combined salary

Farmerking · 25/05/2023 22:53

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Hamfish · 25/05/2023 22:54

We don't have much for extras at all. Mostly goes on food, petrol, necessities for child once all bills paid. We used to earn double what we do now, when I was working. Don't know what we did with it tbh

had fun, went out, had extras, went on holiday….h2h

Rainbowqueeen · 25/05/2023 22:54

I would consider the following financial aspects - not just household income

What level of savings do we have? I’d want a minimum of 6 months living costs
Job security of the person working
Ability to re enter the workforce of the person not working
Cost savings of being a SAHP. Not just child care but will meal costs be cheaper because more cooking from scratch, cost of activities for DC, savings on commute
Obviously we would need to be able to cover bills from the working partners wage but I would also want a buffer for rising fixed costs and enough play money that life did not feel like merely existing.

Sirius3030 · 25/05/2023 23:03

£34,726. That was easy. Next?

AnythingToSay · 25/05/2023 23:09

Why does Mumsnet hate SAHMs?

SouthLondonMum22 · 25/05/2023 23:12

AnythingToSay · 25/05/2023 23:09

Why does Mumsnet hate SAHMs?

Is saying you'd hate to be a SAHM the same as hating actual SAHM's?

thebloodycatwontstopmeowing · 25/05/2023 23:15

This reply has been withdrawn

This poster has privacy concerns and so we've agreed to withdraw this post.

dreamonlucid · 25/05/2023 23:15

thewillowbunnies · 25/05/2023 22:22

Just to say, I personally don't see the point of having children if you're going to work 24/7 and barely see them. I've enjoyed all the time I've had with my children and feel very privileged. We may not go on fancy holidays or wear new clothes, but the children are supported and now I'm always there at pickup. I can make every school event and take them to after school sports activities. I think there's a lot to be said for putting the children first if you can. Because of my work, I hear first hand how children do not like being passed from childminder to school to childminder and barely seeing their own parents. They genuinely do not give a crap about the fancy holiday you've just taken them on.

What a spiteful and smug post, I'm glad you're happy and able to do that.

confusedlots · 25/05/2023 23:16

I think this completely depends on where you live as budgets mean completely different things in different locations. Between me and DH we earn approx £75k, he is full time (with a half day on a Friday) and I work 3 days. That works well for us. I wouldn't want to be a SAHM, but I also don't want to work full time, 3 days is a good balance for me. But our income works for where we live, it might not work for everyone

PurpleBugz · 25/05/2023 23:18

£50k ??
I'm forced to be a SAHM because I have a disabled child the state won't provide a school place for. Im on less than £50k.

But id be worried about pension. Right now it's my biggest worry about not working. Id sacrifice everything for my child but facing old age with nothing is scary

Dyrne · 25/05/2023 23:18

First we’d need to be married; that would be absolutely non negotiable if I was going to be giving up my financial independence.

We’d need completely open access to finances; none of this “him giving me money when needed” bollocks. Completely joint account with separate savings accounts.

I’d need an “oh fuck” fund so I wouldn’t be trapped if the relationship turned sour.

We’d need a solid plan for how to support me getting back into a decent level of work when the time comes (fund for training etc).

Then he’d need to earn at least extra to put what I currently put into my pension into a private pension for me (£24K/year). And then Enough for me to have my previous take-home for my own budgeting (£38K).

So that’s an extra £62K plus tax/NI he’d need to earn.

So rough finger in the air he’d need to be earning about £200K? Tax above £100K is complicated so it shoots up what he’d need to earn in order to cover my salary and keep our take-home the same as a household.

I think what I’m getting from this is that honestly I’m waaaaay too much of a control freak to not have my own source of income!!!

dreamonlucid · 25/05/2023 23:19

About £150-£200 south east here.

DH is an engineer and earns wayyyy less so it wasn't an option.

Hobbitfeet32 · 25/05/2023 23:19

@thewillowbunnies do you have a partner and if so do they work? If they work do you think the same of them as you do other working parents?

UpToonGirl · 25/05/2023 23:21

It really depends, I became a sahm about 10 years ago when DH was on about 35k. 2 small children, small mortgage, everything was pretty comfortable.

He's now on about 200k and I've just gone back to work (partly just because the kids are all at school now), we have 3 kids now, a bigger mortgage, one child in private with the rest to follow as they reach high school. Also everything has shot up in price.

I don't think there is a definite cut off because so much depends on your outgoings and plans. Person A might be happy to survive with no savings, holidays or treats, where that wouldn't be a consideration for person B.

Stripedbag101 · 25/05/2023 23:23

thewillowbunnies · 25/05/2023 22:22

Just to say, I personally don't see the point of having children if you're going to work 24/7 and barely see them. I've enjoyed all the time I've had with my children and feel very privileged. We may not go on fancy holidays or wear new clothes, but the children are supported and now I'm always there at pickup. I can make every school event and take them to after school sports activities. I think there's a lot to be said for putting the children first if you can. Because of my work, I hear first hand how children do not like being passed from childminder to school to childminder and barely seeing their own parents. They genuinely do not give a crap about the fancy holiday you've just taken them on.

If someone worked 24:7 they would never see their children or sleep!

perhaps best you aren’t out in the working world given your maths skills🫣

PizzaPizza56 · 25/05/2023 23:26

The answers on here are really interesting as I thought most people become SAHPs because one partner earns too little so that nursery costs would be more than their take home salary meaning they're worse off working than they would be if they stayed at home.