At what household income would you become a SAHP?

[AlenaMacc]

Just curious really.
I am aware that many people don’t want to be SAHPs for reasons other than money, but in this case I am asking purely about the financial aspect.
What would the household income need to be for you personally so that either you or your spouse would become a SAHP in order to improve the family quality of life etc?

I'd love to not work (after a lifetime of saying I could never not work) . But idnever give up work to be reliant on a man. I'm a single parent now, so would have to win the lottery or something.

Well I think this is the thing - the amount will depend on how much, if at all, you want to be a SAHM.

I don't want to be a SAHM so I wouldn't want to sacrifice any income to do it - so my answer is basically my salary plus pension costs. If my kids were preschool age, I would be keener to do it, though still not very enthusiastic so I might say just my salary not my pension costs.

We don't need a high household income but we enjoy having it and wouldn't sacrifice it for a pretty small benefit to us.

The level of that benefit is subjective and personal obviously. If I had a job that didn't allow me to be present for school events, for example, I might feel differently

I wouldn't give up my financial independence no matter how much money my Dp was earning. You see it time and time again on MN, marriage breaks down for various reasons and the woman is left panicking about how they'll afford everything because they've given up their career.

SAHP's are a phenomenon at both ends of the income scale.
Many women find themselves SAHM's because of the cost of childcare.
For them, a better question would be "What would you have to earn to NOT be a SAHM?"

I'm one of the relatively rarer middle income SAHMs.

To answer your question....I became a SAHP once I got DLA for one of our kids. That allowed me to cobble together enough in benefits and very part time work, to replace the lost income from my "proper" job.
DH earns £23,000 pa and, in total, we have £32,000 pa between the four of us.

Money wouldn't make a difference

I wouldnt choose to be a sahp and neither would dh.

Our careers are important. To us and to the kids/other people

I see the usual comments of why bother having kids from sahms.

Funny they never ask their ohs that.

Oh and I've spent more than enough time with my kids,been their for every school event, done the school run etc etc.

I think sometimes sahm feel they have to justify their choice by implying its impossible to be a good mum if you work

Says more about them than working mums really

Maybe. Or maybe he'd be like me and really wish his mother had a paid job.

He'll be taught to never be fully dependant on anyone financially and that it is a positive thing for women to be mothers and have careers because believing a woman belongs at home once she has children is sexist.

Nurseries and childminders care for children, they don't parent them. Unless teachers also parent children for the majority of the week?

Just to say, I personally don't see the point of having children if you're going to work 24/7 and barely see them.

Which jobs require both parents to work 24/7 and barely see their children?

I've enjoyed all the time I've had with my children and feel very privileged.

I enjoy the time I have with my child and I also enjoy my career. It's possible to r joy both.

We may not go on fancy holidays or wear new clothes,
Ah, of course people (women) only work for luxuries- we couldn't possibly be working to feed, house and clothe our children.

but the children are supported and now I'm always there at pickup.
Between me and DH we drop off /pick up half the week. The other half we use wrap around care which DS LOVES.... kids ask to go even when they don't need to because its so much fun.

I can make every school event and take them to after school sports activities.
So do we. Between us we've never missed an assembly, sports day, play etc and also take DS to all his sports and music activities

I think there's a lot to be said for putting the children first if you can.

Putting your children first doesn't mean giving up work or your own interests.

Our current combined salary is £85k, but £60k of that is my husband. I'm currently 21 weeks pregnant I won't go back after maternity leave.

I have to agree it makes sad to read about both parents working full time out of choice. We have an over populated planet as it is, so why add to it? Some people seem to just want descendants and to skip the child rearing part by outsourcing parenting the majority of the week.

Parents are still parents even if they work. Childcare providers are not raising or parenting children. HTH

I am sure we are all influenced by our own experiences too - my parents did work full time and I honestly never wished they didn't.

My grandmothers were both SAHMs (many children each), one was very happy and one always craves outside stimulation and did a lot of small things from home (her husband's accounts, sewing/tailoring, cooking for cash). My MIL was a dissatisfied SAHM who has never been happier since her youngest left home and she went back to her career after a 30 year break.

l became a SAHM when DH was earning 95K, but that was 8 years ago. we have 4 Children now so l worked for a bit until he got his higher income role.

Same. I work evenings and weekends only around the kids and partners job, to avoid child care fees, but I wouldn’t want to only stay home all day with them, it would do no good for my mental health I know that much

Honestly I'd need a private income of at least £2million invested (but preferably more obv) generating an income for me.

No way would I give up my earning power and be dependent on someone else's salary and pension and so on. It's too insecure.

I assume you personally look after your children the whole time then? Oh - but you mention school, so you can't ?

I don't know of a single job that requires you to work 24/7.

DH and I have also made every single school event between us. And I think even a super SAHM like you would struggle to make every school event when there are 2 children at different schools with events at the same time.

In answer to OP's question - I would want the family income to not just be enough to meet the bills, but enough to comfortably meet the bills and have some over for "just in case" savings. I'd probably want about 100K. But I'm extremely risk averse. I'd also want the SAHP to be in a position that they could take over as the wage earner is necessary.

@Isthisexpected

I take it you don't have any kids?

Household income? I don't care about household income, if what really is meant is 'How much would your DH need to earn'. Because that's his income and he can decide to stop sharing it at any time.
And if his salary would suddenly triple, I still wouldn't give up my job, because that would mean we would have significantly higher household income - that would be brilliant! My children enjoy those 'fancy holidays' very much.

There have been many moments where I thought our lives would have been easier when I was a sahm and realistically my husband’s income is high enough for it to have been a feasible choice. I felt that particularly when both my children were 1 to about 21/2. There were days juggling sickness and work that I was in tears- felt I was failing at everything. But part time work has bought a lot of benefits- namely:

• both children have made good friends at nursery and benefited from nursery. Even if I was a sahm I’d want to be able to use nursery
• I have maintained my career trajectory and I have a good job with prospects.
• my husband has to take some responsibility and do some drop-offs, take time off in holidays to be with them etc.
• I have continued to build my pension pot. I’m becoming increasingly aware of the importance of this.
• my children quite like holiday camps.
• dual income has meant we have a house in a nice area with access to a brilliant state primary school. We have the reassurance that if my husband were to lose his job, my salary means we’d be ok and we wouldn’t be in a crisis situation.
• work has been good for my brain and maintaining an identity that isn’t just as someone’s mum.

At times I absolutely envy the sahm’s at school. They are often in the totally loaded camp so have a nice lifestyle. I’d love a bit more time with the kids but I’m now at a stage where the benefits of having worked and the extra money outweigh any benefits of stopping.

I'm in a interesting position I suppose as my husband is a high earner (around £150k) so I could be a SAHP and we'd be comfortable but we have chosen to send our girls to a private Prep school so I will be going back to work part-time at the end of the year when my youngest starts nursery and then full-time when she starts school in 3 years' time. We're all just doing what we feel is best for our kids at the end of the day and that's the choice we've made. Totally understand why so many women want to work for their own independence and find the smug 'it's better for children to be home with one parent and never use childcare' argument close-minded and ignorant.

I mean you wouldn't just be "cleaning and decorating" though would you.

In addition to caring for the children you would have time to do things like volunteering in your community, helping church committees, being a parent governor at the school, organising rather than just attending community events or local mums groups, visiting elderly neighbours to keep them company etc etc etc

I have a "career" job now and dabble in most of the above on the side but if I were a SAHM I'd just fill up my day with more of the above. I'd love to have more time for all of that

There are some right shitty comments on here about working mothers. It’s fine to explain why you don’t want to work or why you wish to work, but attacking women and insinuating they don’t parent, is as low as it gets.

and staying home doesn’t automatically make you a decent parent, your children when they are adult will be the judge of that. Not you.

In addition to caring for the children you would have time to do things like volunteering in your community, helping church committees, being a parent governor at the school, organising rather than just attending community events or local mums groups, visiting elderly neighbours to keep them company etc etc etc

I can’t lie, I’d rather gnaw off my own foot.than do everting on that list other than community volunteering and parent governor. I am bit ago at the whole be a stay at home parent so you keep your elderly neighbours company.

In no circumstances would I be a SAHP. I want my daughter to see me having a purpose outside of the home and making my own money doing something I love.

@Littlebluebellwoods

I can’t lie, I’d rather gnaw off my own foot.thando everting on that list other than community volunteering and parent governor. I am bit ago at the whole be a stay at home parent so you keep your elderly neighbours company.

I feel the same. Volunteering, hobbies etc have their place as part of my life but filling all of my life with volunteering and hobbies other than caring for children? Not fulfilling at all, I need my career too.

It's also not expected that men give up their careers so that they can help church committees or organise community events as well as care for children.

Everyones essential bills vary, so after all bills we had a SAHP with approx £150 per person each week, spent however needed. We had lots of family days out, games and adventures and just generally great time bonding and learning together. It absolutely felt like a first choice and the right thing for us.

In addition to caring for the children you would have time to do things like volunteering in your community, helping church committees, being a parent governor at the school, organising rather than just attending community events or local mums groups, visiting elderly neighbours to keep them company etc etc etc

I do some of these as well as working........