At what household income would you become a SAHP?

[AlenaMacc]

Just curious really.
I am aware that many people don’t want to be SAHPs for reasons other than money, but in this case I am asking purely about the financial aspect.
What would the household income need to be for you personally so that either you or your spouse would become a SAHP in order to improve the family quality of life etc?

I’d want not much less than our incomes really since they’d both go up in the normal course of things and we will need them to pay for schools, so £250k.

@HotSince82

Why is it better for children for their mums not to work?

Some very interesting responses - thank you all for your input! To sum up, household income expectations vary anywhere between 17-300k for a comfortable life.

The level of animosity on this thread though is beyond. I tried to ask the question in such a way so that this wouldn’t become another “WP vs SAHP” thread, but in reality it became even worse than other ones. If you’re curious, I did a count on the comments and the ones judging SAHPs far outweigh the judgement on working parents, which I believe settles the debate about which role is judged more.

It’s quite sad to me that women judge each other so much and lack empathy towards each other’s choices - I feel this just perpetuates the stereotype of women being “catty”. I suppose when our children’s wellbeing is involved, everyone questions their choices and has insecurities about them, which triggers this defence mechanism to convince yourself that different choices are “wrong”. Luckily I haven’t seen this in real life so I suppose the online community has a way of amplifying these feelings.

@AlenaMacc

Huh.

That's weird

Because by my count there are far more comments judging wms than those judging sahms.

What were your motivations for posting?

The worst judgement I've received has been irl. Constant comments about how awful it was for a mum of young children to work. My dh never recirved such comments funnily enough

The idea that women shouldn't judge other women is nonsense anyway. But you know that because that's exactly why you posted

@mumof4andlovinglife

Don't be ridiculous

@mumof4andlovinglife

Well that depends on circumstances

If their oH is earning enough to cover theor contributions then that argument isn't valid

I dont think anyone should be unemployed and claiming benefits as a lifestyle choice

2%?

Since when?!

Is it not about 40%?

This is very interesting- I’m a FT working mom myself (own my business) and luckily no one has questioned this which I guess skews my perspective. I could totally see how people would be judgy in real life too though, I’m sorry you had these comments!

As to why I posted - I was just curious I guess as we sometimes have these discussions with other mums I know.

@AlenaMacc

Did you answer your own question?

Do you think being a sahm is the ideal that every woman should be secretly yearning for?

It's never occurred to me wonder or care what it would take for anyone to be a sahm

To me its like asking what it take for you to give up work to be an artist or make pottery instead of working

Luckily I haven’t seen this in real life so I suppose the online community has a way of amplifying these feelings.

Unfortunately I have experienced this in real life.
I lost count of the number of times I was told how 'sad' it was that I'd 'had' to come back to work full time.
It wasn't sad and I didn't have to ... I chose to.
Unsurprisingly nobody ever says that to my my DH when he returned to with after his 2 week paternity leave.

I've also been overlooked for promotions and jobs in other departments because people have assumed I won't want to travel or work full time. Nobody makes those assumptions about men with children do they?

I don’t think being a SAHM is the ideal for a woman, which is why I don’t get the constant judging for both roles. It’s all just a personal decision.

My question was at what income a wife or a husband (which is why I wrote SAHP) would become a SAHP if finances are the only reason why they aren’t at the moment.

@TheMoops

I was told by a school mum (who mistakenly presumed I was also a sahm) at an event for encouraging parents to become engaged with their child's education, that they were targeting the wrong people.

After all we had already shown we were willing to put our children first and do the right thing by them by making sure we were always there for them by giving up work.

@AlenaMacc

But why?

Why is that even a question?

If you don't think its the ideal?

Why arent you asking what it would take to get sahms to work?

Awful. The smug level of prejudice is astounding.

@AlenaMacc

Sorry, did you answer your own question?

This is interesting and definitely explains why women always feel like they have to defend their choices regarding childcare etc.

I have to admit my views are a bit skewed as I come from a country where it’s expected for women to work FT as nursery and pre schools are free. I live in the UK though and here it’s definitely a different narrative with the costs of childcare.

I got told i was too intelligent to be a SAHM

People are very stupid

thats pretty much all I’ve learned 🤔

It’s very culturally specific. My Norwegian friend is of the view it is borderline child abuse to keep kids at home with a sahm rather than having them in nursery from 1. She finds it horrific that any woman stays home. I suppose if you were that way inclined (to staying home) you’d have a pretty lonely existence in a Nordic country.

Because,

1. My question wasn’t about SAHMs, but about SAHPs.
2. In the entrepreneurship community, the goal is always to automate your business, sell and retire early in order for you and your family to enjoy the fruits of your labour and more free time, better life quality. Therefore, I was interested to hear at what income people would consider that.