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Original poster

At what household income would you become a SAHP?

344 replies

AlenaMacc · 25/05/2023 21:54

Just curious really.
I am aware that many people don’t want to be SAHPs for reasons other than money, but in this case I am asking purely about the financial aspect.
What would the household income need to be for you personally so that either you or your spouse would become a SAHP in order to improve the family quality of life etc?

OP posts:
shivawn · 25/05/2023 22:12

There is no household income that would make me give up my career to stay at home so it's difficult to answer but I'll try.

Since you asked purely about the financial aspect I would say maybe €100k? That's a drop from our current household income of €170k.

Even if it was something I really wanted then I think that's as low as I'd go and only on the basis that it would be short term, a few years at most. Financial security, pensions, savings, travel, good social lives etc is all very important to me. I think what people are comfortable with will vary a lot depending on peoples current income and outgoings.

To be honest I'd much rather go part time than give up work completely, I did drop to 30 hours a week after my last maternity leave but I would consider going to 24 hours after having my next child (currently pregnant). I work 12 hour shifts so it would be a drop from 10 days a month down to 8.

thewillowbunnies · 25/05/2023 22:19

I'm sort of a SAHP as I only work evenings. I do all of the school pick up/drop offs and life admin.

House hold income is circa £50k.

TBH we had more money when we'd just had the babies and husband was in a minimum wage job. Benefits topped it up to way more than we have now (and paid a large chunk of childcare that we didn't need as such, it gave us free time)

So I don't believe you need a huge income to do it in my experience.

EmptyBedBlues · 25/05/2023 22:20

I’m one of the people who wouldn’t be a SAHP under any circumstances. If I inherited millions in the morning, I’d still work.

thewillowbunnies · 25/05/2023 22:22

Just to say, I personally don't see the point of having children if you're going to work 24/7 and barely see them. I've enjoyed all the time I've had with my children and feel very privileged. We may not go on fancy holidays or wear new clothes, but the children are supported and now I'm always there at pickup. I can make every school event and take them to after school sports activities. I think there's a lot to be said for putting the children first if you can. Because of my work, I hear first hand how children do not like being passed from childminder to school to childminder and barely seeing their own parents. They genuinely do not give a crap about the fancy holiday you've just taken them on.

TheMousePipes · 25/05/2023 22:22

Never. No amount of money would make me give up my financial independence.

Dacadactyl · 25/05/2023 22:22

My husband would need to earn approx 15k more a year to make up for my lost wages.

I was a SAHM for years and he was on a low wage (by anyone's standards) when we first made that decision. But our mortgage at the time was 350 quid a month and I'm great at economising.

StayingZenInTheVipersDen · 25/05/2023 22:23

I would love one of us to be a sahp (but dp hates the idea)!

I think anywhere upwards of £50k? We earn (and spend) more than that, but a good chunk is on wraparound care and commuting to work etc.

LittleMrsPerfect · 25/05/2023 22:23

my partner would have to earn triple what he does now to cover the extra tax, my income and my pension if I did not work. I would love to be sahp but we have more household income with us both working part time than if one of us went full time.

KokoKardash · 25/05/2023 22:23

£150k,

But even then I'd still need to "work" I wouldn't do the same pressure filled job I do now but I'd love to do a job that's more like a hobby, or volunteer I suppose

But I wouldn't be willing to change my lifestyle so dh would need to earn £150k for me to consider it

MissAtomicBomb1 · 25/05/2023 22:24

About 80-90k for us to be comfortable.
Could probably do it on 70k with no holidays or treats.

Anotherchangeofnameagain · 25/05/2023 22:25

Never. I'm never giving up my financial independence again.

Muddygreenfingers · 25/05/2023 22:26

The OP specifically asked what the household income would need to be if the mum actually wanted to be a SAHP.

Funny how so many ignored that and it's turned into yet another 'oh I would never be a SAHP and lose my financial independence' or 'why wouldn't you want to be with your kids as much as you can' blather.

YAWN

Freezylap · 25/05/2023 22:26

It’s hard to say because however much you have, it’s always helpful to have a bit more. I guess I could give up work if I wanted to (as in we’d be able to afford everything we need) but we would really miss my salary and anyway, that’s the last thing I want to do.

Mum2jenny · 25/05/2023 22:27

£150k but I’m not giving up work as I need the space to be me, if you get what I mean.

BeckyWithTheGoodHair010101 · 25/05/2023 22:28

thewillowbunnies · 25/05/2023 22:22

Just to say, I personally don't see the point of having children if you're going to work 24/7 and barely see them. I've enjoyed all the time I've had with my children and feel very privileged. We may not go on fancy holidays or wear new clothes, but the children are supported and now I'm always there at pickup. I can make every school event and take them to after school sports activities. I think there's a lot to be said for putting the children first if you can. Because of my work, I hear first hand how children do not like being passed from childminder to school to childminder and barely seeing their own parents. They genuinely do not give a crap about the fancy holiday you've just taken them on.

Just to say, you sound judgemental. Some parents don't have a choice but to both work.
Hopefully my children will grow up seeing what a good example of work ethics both their parents have provided them - and hopefully they will turn out to be hard working, goal oriented individuals themselves.

headache · 25/05/2023 22:29

I was a SAHP for 11 years and it wasn’t about money it was for quality of life. I loved picking my children up from school everyday, attending every concert etc. If school phoned and they were unwell I went and collected them we snuggled on the sofa. It was a lot less stressful when you have for example one in school, one in nursery different pick-ups, after school clubs. I think the DC definitely benefitted as they were going to swimming clubs, gymnastics, the park things like that with me we were never in when they were little.

Anotherchangeofnameagain · 25/05/2023 22:31

Muddygreenfingers · 25/05/2023 22:26

The OP specifically asked what the household income would need to be if the mum actually wanted to be a SAHP.

Funny how so many ignored that and it's turned into yet another 'oh I would never be a SAHP and lose my financial independence' or 'why wouldn't you want to be with your kids as much as you can' blather.

YAWN

Never is a valid answer to the OP. It's similar to "what amount of money would it take for you to have sex with Boris Johnson" or other questions. Some would have a financial value others would say no way never.

BeckyWithTheGoodHair010101 · 25/05/2023 22:31

In answer to the question one of us would need to earn £100K a year in order to live as we are now, which includes both essentials and holidays. We could survive on less of course but we like to have nice things so we both work our arses off to afford them.

TMess · 25/05/2023 22:31

Any amount he’s making. We agreed before we had children that the only option that feels right for us is to have me stay at home with them.

Bunnycat101 · 25/05/2023 22:33

It’s going to be very personal. I could probably give up work now as my husband is high earning but I’ve gained a lot from keeping my career going. I genuinely don’t know what the threshold would be for me
to jack it in but that feels harder now my youngest is starting school. I am also now working to enable private school to be an option and nice holidays/experiences. I think the number is probably quite different for under 5s with a different cost/benefit decision.

Louise295 · 25/05/2023 22:33

240k

SouthLondonMum22 · 25/05/2023 22:33

Never.

DH and I both earn six figures. We both work full time.

I grew up with a SAHM and didn't want that for myself.

Hollyppp · 25/05/2023 22:33

My husband was earning £88k and I was on £35k. I went back to work for 2 year after maternity leave. Was overlooked for a promotion I had been working towards for years and it was given to my male Mat leave cover (on a FTC!) apparently more experienced than me. (Read not expected to have a second child like I would).
So I quit to be a SAHM because I was fucked off at work and also wanted to spend more time with DS.
Anyway, DH now on £110k but I think we could cope with anything above £70K on salary if we really had to.

just to add I LOVE being SAHM (pregnant with number 2)

Mingomang · 25/05/2023 22:33

Done these calculations many times and I did plan to stop work in 2020 - anyway plans changed obviously as DH stopped going in to the office and my job was key worker so I stayed on.
Then it just became a case of kids getting older and it seemed less worth it - I earn 20k and to replace that my husband would have to earn 50. Every time he got a hard won pay rise or bonus it was a bit like “are we just going to chuck this away so I can stay at home”

Anyway I’ve dropped my hours now to 2 days a
week and it works really well for us. I could give up
work which is a nice feeling when they’re being arseholes. DH still has to do some school runs and bits around the house which is good for any relationship I think. We have a cleaner and lots of nice luxuries because I work.

Financially it all depends on how you live your life but do think about how working a little bit could improve your life rather than quitting altogether.

Hollyppp · 25/05/2023 22:34

That should read *went back to work for 1 year after Mat leave