Kids after school activities exhausting - for me!

[prooses]

Anyone else find lugging kids around to after school activities absolutely draining?

We don't drive - so walk to school (and me back of course!) and I am a LP. So most weeks I do the school run 10 times a week (there and back, there and back!). Basically it's 4 miles a day minimum of walking before any activities./

I also add to this two weekly after school activities, and a Saturday morning one as well. For swimming which feels like the killer, I leave the house at 2.45 and get back about 5.15pm after we've walked there, done it and walked back with fairly heavy bags and kit etc. Then another one, another day and Saturday morning activity as well. This will add extra miles on the clock!

DC is happy doing these and they feel like the right amount of after school activities, some times we miss one of them out so it's not always every week all activities.

As he's an only child without another parent at home and we have no family to socialise with nor really have playdates so I think it's important for him to do them.

I just find the whole school run and activity juggling really exhausting!

Does anyone else find it tiring? Around all this I have to fit in all the housework, my own job and work, cooking, shopping, finding a little time for myself. It's a struggle and I am so tired.

I hope it gets easier in secondary...!!

I feel your pain! I limited my kids' after school activities for this reason, because I needed downtime and so did they. It has to be a compromise between encouraging them to be active and not totally ignoring your own needs.

@Sandylanes69 thank you. It just feels a bit intense at the moment. Then again as I work from home it can be nice to be out of the house for a bit more than just the school run in a way. It's just hard going being a single parent in general I think (or just being a parent!). Physically exhausting!! I am trying to lose weight, I wonder if this would give me a bit more energy (not massively over but enough to make a difference). DS is 10 now, so hopefully most of the hard part is done, with any luck. :)

Wow - you must be pretty fit with all that walking! I take my hat off to you!

Would getting bikes or scooters make the school runs & activities easier ? Obviously depends on road conditions, but even if you're using then part of the way would take the load off your legs and be a bit quicker.

It doesn't so much get easier at secondary as changes. Secondary brings it's own challenges

Can you get bikes? Would definitely make the journeys quicker

Could you run to a taxi just for the after swimming journey home?

Yes to bikes! Doesn’t make the journey painless as such but much quicker.

I feel you - also a lone parent to Dd and I have been super strict about after school stuff as I honestly don’t have the energy. She does one activity during the week, park run on Sundays and there an extra activity once every 2 weeks. Even that’s enough for me to tear my hair out sometimes!

Learn to drive? Still tiring but at least you can get home quicker after swimming.

I was going to suggest bikes as well.
Could DC take themselves to swimming straight from school and you just pick up, now or in the near future?

Bikes or take the bus occasionally?

Hi @prooses

It's finding a workable balance that takes in your child's needs aswell as demands of being a single parent,and your own needs,

I think ubove poster made a valid points,
I agree children need downtime aswell, to recharge their batteries, just like you obviously do too,

Is there any family who attends these kinds of same activities as your son goes to go,
Your son gets on with their child ok with, .

So you could take it in turns, to take each of children, on alternate weeks back and for to these kinds of events, activities then?

for e.g one week Lukes mum or father could take your son to boy scouts with his son that particular day or something else type of idea?
you could do the following week with taking your son and Luke,
Or
and you take Luke and another child Suzie and your son ,
Following week or time, Luke and Suzie's parents take your son to a different activities too,

If you are struggling with this kind of issue ,
I wonder is there other single parents who are struggling in same way, too,
Who you get on ok with?

In which if you go to Parents and Teacher's Assoc, or something similar like PTA ,?

Could you find out if anyone else who get OK with like-minded who be interested in helping out like this, with each other,
So you and struggling single parents ,can have have some support in this regard.

Yup, we seem to have managed to construct parenting into a bigger chore than it ever has been. When I was a kid pretty much no-one did after school stuff. We just kicked around playing with each other in our local neighbourhood, local woods and parks, parent free! It was much better for kids, and for parents. I suspect the rise in teenage poor mental health is partly due to overstressed parents who work and then ferry kids everywhere, having to facilitate their kids leisure and social life, which was a chore parents never had when I grew up, and kids who have not learnt how to develop their resilience and social skills through free play with their peers.

Just seen your son is ten. He is old enough to walk to school himself. Mine has been walking himself to school since he was 8, and walking back from school too since he was 9. This was perfectly normal a generation ago.

My ten year old now walks his younger sibling to school too.

You don't need to keep accompanying your son. Teaching him independence is a good thing. My son has absolutely loved the independence of walking himself to school and now loves the responsibility for his brother too. He got such kudos amongst his peers too! The first to walk himself home from school!

It's not the right amount if it's absolutely exhausting you though, is it?

Is him walking to school alone an option? I know a lot of kids need lifts but if you're walking anyway... especially as he may well need to be trained up for being a bit more independent at secondary

@notwhatsoever We live over a mile from school with many really busy roads on the way and I've had the discussion with him about doing it himself and he really doesn't want to do it. I'm not trying to coddle him, but walking to school on their own isn't necessarily suitable for every child of a certain age. He got really upset when we discussed it and is an anxious child anyway. So thank you but I'll go on my instinct here until we (and especially he) feels ready. I am certainly working on his confidence in other ways as best I can. I am glad that your son feels good walking on his own though.

I absolutely is. I have it easier because I drive. The distances I need to cover for after school activities for two will be a no go without a car. It'll get easier when he can walk himself to school. I assume you live much more in a city center then me so one day he can walk to football or swimming himself too. (I'm suburban and it's a 10min drive or over an hour walking to school or the guilding center).

@notwhatsoever I live in a built up city area, where there are no local families and no close green spaces unfortunately. I wish I lived in an area where playing in the street was an option though. Sadly it's not a family friendly area. That's why we do the activities. I don't personally think two after school and one Saturday is too full on for him it's just tiring for me. Bear in mind also I said he doesn't really have friends he sees after school (not that I've not tried to encourage this). Otherwise we just sit in on screens, which I feel is worse.

I do feel your posts are coming across as quite judgemental TBH.

I don't agree that two after school and one saturday is too full on at all. Both DC1 and DC2 has three after school and two in the weekends and she's got less than most of her friends. For those that think it's high, remember one of them will usually be swimming. If you add in football, or music, it's easily three already. Then many are in guides or scouts too.

I do not drive also but very lucky that children wanted mixing with others in afterschool when around age 9 years of old and with one choice of their activity based on something they really liked. I never force any activity on anyone , only make sure school achievement is satisfactory. School gates politics, clubs, sports, whatever are just whatevers for me

@SpringBunnies thank you, i do find it strange that some people get uppity about a couple of activities after school as if it is terrible for the child. It's hardly the epitome of tiger mother or helicopter parenting!

The reason we do it (even though it is tiring) is, as I said above, we live in a built up area, no local kids to play with and single parent without means to entertain otherwise. We sit in on screens otherwise (in a flat). So the three activities really are to avoid sitting in all the time in an otherwise busy city environment. (I would love to move).

I should also mention that the activities (aside from swimming which is a necessary life skill) are ones he loves rather than being forced to go to it.

Some of these messages are really unhelpful.

It doesn't so much get easier at secondary as changes. Secondary brings it's own challenges
Well of course it does, but for starters her DC will be walking or taking the bus alone, which is a huge change on a thread specifically about dropoffs and pickups 🙄

Similarly Mine has been walking himself to school since he was 8 - this wouldn't even be allowed by a lot of schools, and is extremely young especially if you're in an urban area with roads and other risks. Not all kids are the same, at 10 or before.

For the op - do you work? If so, then it's ok to move things and for example do swimming on the weekend. Definitely agree with others about sharing the walk with another parent or having him pair up with another local child. Driving can be helpful, or if you really don't want to, taking a taxi in one direction on the swimming days will still be cheaper than getting lessons and a car and might save a lot of hassle.

being a lone parent is a massive slog OP, it's not surprising you're tired. Agree with another poster, if you can find any other families to share the load that can really help.

The issue is not having a car- the schedule isn’t insane, it’s the walking. I don’t care what the green brigade say, driving is a time saver and as busy parents we need all the time we can get.

I think that's a good amount of activities given your situation.

I think id reframe this in your mind as being great exercise which is vital for you both.

Bikes is a good idea.

I thought I'd like secondary school for exercise, but I don't! I prefer primary. Reason - sports matches mean they miss a couple of lessons and the bus home which isn't great.

What will get easier for you is very very soon he will get there by himself.

Re swimming: I'm assuming that these are once-weekly group lessons?

An alternative plan: ditch the weekly group lessons, and instead just do a few one-on-one intensive private lessons during holidays. They are more expensive per class, but you can telescope a huge amount of progress into just a few sessions because they get intensive focus from the teacher, so cost-wise it is likely to work out about the same. I find progress in group lessons tends to be very slow.

We are also in a situation where weekly swimming lessons would be a complete pain in the arse, so we did the above and it saved a lot of hassle.