Kids after school activities exhausting - for me!

[prooses]

Anyone else find lugging kids around to after school activities absolutely draining?

We don't drive - so walk to school (and me back of course!) and I am a LP. So most weeks I do the school run 10 times a week (there and back, there and back!). Basically it's 4 miles a day minimum of walking before any activities./

I also add to this two weekly after school activities, and a Saturday morning one as well. For swimming which feels like the killer, I leave the house at 2.45 and get back about 5.15pm after we've walked there, done it and walked back with fairly heavy bags and kit etc. Then another one, another day and Saturday morning activity as well. This will add extra miles on the clock!

DC is happy doing these and they feel like the right amount of after school activities, some times we miss one of them out so it's not always every week all activities.

As he's an only child without another parent at home and we have no family to socialise with nor really have playdates so I think it's important for him to do them.

I just find the whole school run and activity juggling really exhausting!

Does anyone else find it tiring? Around all this I have to fit in all the housework, my own job and work, cooking, shopping, finding a little time for myself. It's a struggle and I am so tired.

I hope it gets easier in secondary...!!

That sounds like a lot! Are there any other parents you can do some sort of "deal" with? I did this a lot when mine were at school! I lived out of town, and I had a 7 seater, so I often had a carful going to swimming or Scouts or something. And there was always someone happy to grab mine from school if I needed it.

What you describe- 2 weekday and one weekend activity- is totally normal and tons of people on here will do that and more. It is the walking - you will also be walking to do all our shopping and other errands I assume.

Learn to drive and get a car, buy a bus pass, get bikes or scooters, take taxis more. Those are your options really if you want to walk less than you do now.

Swimming doesn't have to last forever but you may find it's replaced by a club sport which has travel to games. That will be a different challenge. This isn't going to go away.

I didn't drive when mine were that age (passed my test when DC3 was in Y6). Instead of weekly term time group lessons we'd do the intensive swimming courses in the school holidays. 5 mornings for a week and they'd complete the stage. This was far easier for me than trying to navigate bus timetables to get there after school (we lived 6 miles from the pool so walking wasn't an option).

I am also a LP. I have two children, one of which has special needs so they both go to different schools. I have to have one of them in after school clubs most days in order to be available for both at the same time. I find the scooter/bike is great as it helps with time keeping. I drive part way to school then we scoot/walk the rest. It can be very tiring but your child is obviously getting a lot from it if they are happy to do it after having also been at school. I guess it must be the walking that is the tiring and time consuming part, so it’s about weighing it up. Walking is healthy for both you are your son but do you have the ability to learn to drive or take a bus? You wouldn’t have to do it every day but it might help you feel less tired if there is an option of transport on the days that you are struggling?

Even with driving, it can still be exhausting,due to the timings of activities. Eg home at work at 6, throw food down neck, off to activity at 7, home at 9. Or an activity that starts at 6, so you don't actually down tools until much later. But my kids are just about teens now, so we're not going to be doing this for many more years.

Are you me op? Thankfully school started doing swimming lessons so I don’t have to do that with them anymore! Walking everywhere is a killer. I also need to lose weight, I’ve been walking for years but I find it just depletes any energy I’d have to do other exercise and makes me crave sugar 😩

Don't forget, downtime at home is good for kids too. Reading, drawing, playing, snuggling, even being a bit bored occasionally isn't a bad thing! There is no virtue in competitive parenting any more than there is in insisting on working outside your hours so everyone sees what a martyr you are. It's ok to limit extracurricular activities to fit in with your needs.

You’re doing well OP, it’s great to I’ve kids as many opportunities as possible. Hang on in there, it wont last forever.

@Thinkingpod thanks for your judgement!! in which part of my post did I say I didn't work. I most certainly do!

"Does anyone else find it tiring? Around all this I have to fit in all the housework, my own job and work, cooking, shopping, finding a little time for myself. It's a struggle and I am so tired."

Thanks to everyone who has given good ideas. I'm not going to be learning to drive for reasons already stated upthread, but I will probably try to dig out bikes and give that another go even though my child is pretty resistant (and not very confident!). And swimming is something we are reconsidering. He can swim unaided I just think he shoudl get a bit higher before we stop.

As I said upthread it's only for another year or so - short term pain longer term gain.

@Sandylanes69 thanks yes, I am not competitive parenting simply trying to make our single parent existence and make it more interesting. As I said upthread I don't think the two after school / one weekend activity is OTT we just don't have out of school friends and family we see in free time and inevitably in our flat we gravitate towards screens when we're at home although I do encourage reading and put limits on it it can lead to issues. Hence doing the activities as a break from this. So I don't feel there is a lack of free time there.

Hi Op, your post resonated so much with me as I was in the same situation. DS is now 12 but is also an only child, I'm a single parent. We lived about a mile from his primary school - we moved when he was in Yr1 - and I work from home. We live in London, our school run involved a 10 minute walk then a bus, I would then walk back home. DS did football on Sunday mornings, swimming lesson on Saturday, cubs/Scouts one evening and Judo after school. Most of his friends lived near his school, so although we would have playdates, this involved taking him and picking him up. The roads near us are not bike friendly, and we live in a flat without storage for bikes. However, I just wanted to reassure you that it does get easier. Although he couldn't walk to school alone, from yr5 when the school allowed them to go home alone, I started letting him walk part of the journey by himself, building the distance up gradually. In yr 6 I could walk him to the bus stop and put him on the bus for Scouts, and would only have to collect him. Small steps which made a big difference. Being a lone parent to an only child means that you have to do the job of two parents plus siblings/playmates, and that's hard. As he becomes more independent, it definitely gets easier - just hang in there.

He's 10, old enough to cycle with you.

Much quicker, saves time, good excercise. Buy a couple of second hand bokes, a carrier for kit and 2 helmets and locks.

Re bikes we do have these but the roads to school are busy city roads and not very cycle friendly and we also live in a flat up two flights of stairs so I personally would have to carry two bikes down myself (and up again at the end of the day) and try to cajole him to cycle when he is very resistant anyway and an anxious cyclist who refuses to go on the roads.

All the previous bikes I kept outside even with bike covers went rusty (salty sea air) so it's hard to keep them outside and I am loathed to do this.

So while it's an option it's not necessarily an easy one for everyone suggesting. He is not a confident cyclist even though we have tried and tried. Hopefully as he gets older that will be a better option. But for now walking is much easier. Just carrying both bikes two flights down at 08.20am in the morning is a nightmare. Narrow passages, heavy bikes etc etc.

@1037370E thankyou - we are looking forwards to more independence next year!! I am hanging in there.

To be honest compared to when he was much younger it is much easier now even though there are different challenges. Lone parenting is full on always it seems!

It's great that you do these activities and yes, at the moment it probably feels like an unmanageable amount, but, you say he's 10 now, so it will be only one more year of this before he goes to secondary and then presumably he can do after school activity/sports clubs? Personally I would continue with swimming in some shape or form until he's confident as it's an essential life skill. But yes- it could be done in the holidays as an intensive course instead, perhaps. Then if possible go on holiday near a river/beach to consolidate.

Could you make the walking seem like a positive as both you and he are getting exercise on the way there and back? Walking somewhere is beneficial for health and an efficient use of time rather than time wasted?

Just wanted to say hang in there! My dd, similar age to your child, does a lot of activities and it can feel exhausting at times but I've never doubted that the benefits outweigh the cons.

It's funny how talk of extra curricular activities can become so divisive between parents. Guaranteed that whenever I mention my dd's activities someone will have an opinion on how terrible it is that she does so much/how tired she must be/how much of our time we give up (as if that's the worst crime ever).

Similar to the police officer who responded before, I work in a field where I'm reminded every day that I want my dd to be occupied in a safe activity rather than roaming the streets, to be building her confidence and resilience away from us and gaining skills whilst following her hopes and dreams for the future. So many of those things are lacking in the kids I come across in my job and it can have really sad consequences for some kids. I really believe engaging in some sort of extra curricular activity is hugely important for a child.

While it feels exhausting now, I also know parents who have come out the other side now with older teenagers/young adults and they really miss these days. I console myself with the fact their childhood will pass in a flash and it does get easier as they get older and become more independent.

Agree.

Sorry if I missed it, but has OP said why she hasn’t learnt to drive? As a lone parent I would have thought it would make life a lot easier.

I used to walk the school runs and to 3 weekly activities (till we moved house). I couldn't figure out why it wasn't getting easier/ why my fitness wasn't improving. Turned out I had asthma, so I was out of breath and tired after every walk because of that. Once I started daily asthma inhalers the walking aspect of our schedule bothered me much less (although I was still tired from being, 'on' all the time!)
Might not apply to you at all, but all that walking should be improving your fitness so if it's not maybe consider whether your body is trying to tell you something.

That's why driving is a life skill. Although all that walking will help you shift the weight and get your cardio up. Swings and roundabouts😀

OP - I'm not a lone parent & do drive, but feel exactly like you. There's also something about the swimming pool that gives me the rage, so I can understand why that may push you over the edge!

My only advice is to combine activities wherever possible, so there's less travel/fewer days where you're walking miles.

@Mojoj as I said a couple of times upthread, as a single parent on a part time wage I can't afford lessons, a car or the upkeep of a car costs. And I live in a city where it would be impractical to own one (busy traffic, public transport, parking issues).

@worktired I think that's the key! I think we may stick at swimming a bit longer then kick it. Can't wait for that day! and to combine it would be good maybe at the weekend.

@Tiddler39 as I said a couple of times upthread, as a single parent on a part time wage I can't afford lessons, a car or the upkeep of a car costs. And I live in a city where it would be impractical to own one (busy traffic, public transport, parking issues).