Kids after school activities exhausting - for me!

[prooses]

Anyone else find lugging kids around to after school activities absolutely draining?

We don't drive - so walk to school (and me back of course!) and I am a LP. So most weeks I do the school run 10 times a week (there and back, there and back!). Basically it's 4 miles a day minimum of walking before any activities./

I also add to this two weekly after school activities, and a Saturday morning one as well. For swimming which feels like the killer, I leave the house at 2.45 and get back about 5.15pm after we've walked there, done it and walked back with fairly heavy bags and kit etc. Then another one, another day and Saturday morning activity as well. This will add extra miles on the clock!

DC is happy doing these and they feel like the right amount of after school activities, some times we miss one of them out so it's not always every week all activities.

As he's an only child without another parent at home and we have no family to socialise with nor really have playdates so I think it's important for him to do them.

I just find the whole school run and activity juggling really exhausting!

Does anyone else find it tiring? Around all this I have to fit in all the housework, my own job and work, cooking, shopping, finding a little time for myself. It's a struggle and I am so tired.

I hope it gets easier in secondary...!!

As a kid in the 80s, I did gymnastics and brownies, later guides, as well as swimming. So pretty much the same quantity as my son... plus yes the playing out too (we lived in a quiet town).

You sound like a great mum, op. I was an only growing up and although not a bad person, my mum was incredibly lazy and never organised playdates or took me to activities. Your son will appreciate it one day (if not already)

I agree with @IHateFlies , these activities sound great and the right amount and maybe there are some other things you could do to make the walk more enjoyable for yourself? I think you and your son have a lovely relationship and must benefit from all the time spent together. It won't be forever - he will soon be at secondary school and travelling there and back alone or with friends. Then the after school activities will I think mainly take place at the school so you wouldn't be doing any of the collecting. I think if you can make it more enjoyable for yourself, get enough time to rest etc, that would make it more bearable. He is lucky to have such a nice mum!

Oh my people, my people (collapses gratefully onto thread).

It's kind of a same same but different situation for me. Also a LP, but with a yr8 and a yr3. And for me it's got worse with the secondary years! The reason for this is that we are rural, and on one edge of the secondary catchment area. Every single friend that DS1 has made lives on the other side of the catchment area, at least half an hour's drive away. Although he catches a school bus, the school lays on loads of great after school clubs- which is great- but I have to pick him up after them.

So far, this week has been:
Monday- he decided to skip club and come back on the bus, yay!
Tuesday- pick up after after school club- 50 minute round trip. He was then picked up by another parent to take him to an activity half an hour's drive away, where they live. They are really keen on him doing this regularly and say they'll give him a lift, but surely they'll get resentful if I don't take him at least some of the time?
Wednesday- he decided to go to a friend's after school- hour round trip to pick up.
Tonight- pick him up after after school club, THEN take DS2 to cubs, about 20 minutes drive away.

Thank fuck they're going to XP's for the weekend, so I don't have to take DS1 to his Saturday morning activity (XP never bothers taking him).

I'm in a quandary- I love that he's got friends, I love that he's doing exciting things and having fun. But this is starting to take a massive toll on me- I'm spending hours driving round on a bad week- and poor DS2 has to spend hours sitting in the car. It's taking up all the time I would normally be using to do house/ life admiñ stuff. Even arranging lift sharing is quite the mental load, especially when everyone's arrangements seem to be constantly changing.

This used to be me, also a non driving lone parent.

40 minute walk to school in the morning, then a 40 minute walk to work. Then same again in the afternoon. DS used to do trampolining (35 minute walk) horse riding (10 minute walk) and swimming (25 minute walk) weekly.

It does get easier in secondary when they walk themselves to school! The secondary school is closer to home than primary was, and at 15 he no longer does activities.

I'm loathed to leave them outside much of the year as I've lost a couple of bikes to rust and rain this way :(. Also in our city there are high crime rates for bike thefts.

You can buy covers which help protect bikes against the elements. And a couple of heavy duty chain locks should deter most thieves, as they will hopefully skip yours in favour of easier pickings. Cycling really does make these journeys a lot quicker so it's worth considering. Why not plot a quiet route and give it a go one day? If it doesn't work out at least you tried it.

I do think a couple of 'adult' style scooters would be perfect, you can get ones that fold in half.

The amount sounds right, I generally follow a rule of an activity should not take longer to get to /from than the time to do it. I do accept this is probably easier as I live in a city and drive. It also helps massively that my year 6 child can actually get himself to everything except swimming (as that's too far to walk and he's not yet confident with buses), though half his activities don't let him leave without being picked up and the other half run until about 9pm and I don't like him walking in the dark. I see the older kids walking back alone though.

We are in London, and we've started getting an Uber to swimming lessons to save my sanity. It does take its toll.

I think the world is split into parents who are pro activity and those who aren't. Personally, I've never seen much benefit in letting my kids play in the streets and hang round parks...although working for the police as I do , county lines drug dealers and those selling weed/vapes absolutely love them! OP, what I try to bear in mind when I'm tired is that it is a short period of time in the grand scheme and you are setting them up for life with a whole heap of life lessons. It doesn't make me less tired, but it does remind me the tiredness is worth it. I'm not a single parent but I do work full time and have three children...four school runs a day and 1 to two activities every single day. It's a lot but as with e erytbi g in life, you get out what you put in. And to be clear...my kids play footbal, cricket, do beavers, swim so a really good range and they love it all. No nagging required, they can't wait to go.

I was exhausted when I was running (well walking) around doing all school runs (DH always at work) plus activities before I started driving again (long story but I could drive, but had a mental block against it so didn't for years).

Swimming was the worst for me as well - piles of kit, the humidity in there and just generally being knackered led to more than one massive sense of humour failure over the years! If you can afford it, I'd totally treat myself to an Uber back from swimming occasionally.

I don't think friends who drive really got it - including how much longer it takes to get anywhere when you are walking/ public transport.

Well I have no advice but just wanted to say you sound like an amazing mum.

Presumably DC will get themselves to school when they go to Secondary? So not too much longer.

You don't say where you are, but does your council have an e-scooter scheme? Ours has a system whereby tourists etc can rent on demand but there are also monthly rentals.

Yes, the walking school run is a slog, particularly in the winter or when you aren't feeling great. I used to listen to podcasts/talking books and would do homework (tables/spelling/drama lines on the outward journey).

Does your school have an app like Homerun for ride-sharing/walking? Maybe recommend they trial something.

Otherwise I am just popping on to say the amount of extra-curricular sounds fine to me. Do not underestimate how helpful it is to have friendship groups that aren't solely school based.

I say this as a year 11 parent who is friends with fellow school mums whose kids have had massive friendship issues in their teens and almost always it is the kids whose lives are very school-centred. It is drama you could probably both do without!

Just coming back to say that I positively enjoyed taking DS2 for his trial at cubs this evening. Something to do with the sudden realisation that I was childfree - with teen DS1 slumped on the sofa at home- and just down the road from a nice pub! 😆

Ah this is so important @crackofdoom, grabbing back little bits for you.

At the very least, I would get some kind of acceptable trolley to put bags and kit in

Yes it is exhausting but you know what... you are doing an awsome job!
It will get easier, they get a bit more independent by secondry school such as walking themselves etc.

I work from home and have two younger children (6 and 8) who do activities, my husband works away during the week so the fabulous job of taking the children to activities falls on me. We drive to football but walk to swimming. We also walk to and from school, high school there is a school bus, Yey!

It is definitely for social, safety and team building reasons which my children need and want. Their circle of friends is bigger as friend groups in school is very clicky.

I do not have any good advice. Just that you child is only young for a short amount of time and you will never regret giving them this time. Walking with them gives you the special time with them to chat about things, giggle and enjoy.

Remember to make a little time for yourself though, i know it must be hard but if will be good for you.
You are doing amazing xx

Imagine fitting that in with a job too... You have it easy my friend.

Yes I don't drive and am single parent and my child does activities 3 evenings.

So yes we walk miles.

I don't mind to be honest. I don't think it's this that's exhausting. I'm more exhausted mentally from all the parenting and everything.

You say swimming is the "killer"? Give it up and do courses in the school holidays to make sure they learn the skill. I was so happy the day we stopped swimming after 10 years of ruined weekends. (OK it got ruined by football instead, but that was at least a bit enjoyable). I wish I had been more selfish about it.

The 40 minute tube day sounds exhausting! What a Mum!
We have various activities for our children, my hardest day is when we get in from work and school, go straight back out at 5:15 then out again at 5:45 then back by 7:30.

OP, the not driving and doing all of this yourself makes it harder. Make sure you get time to relax.

It's exhausting even with another parent to share it with and especially with an anxious child. I have one of those too. You are doing an amazing job. With high school they get to do different things as after school activities and trips etc and DC will start to gain some independence so hang on in there knowing you are being a brilliant parent and before long you will be missing these times. I definitely miss the school walk

I am not a single parent but I am the only driver in our household.
Driving, bizarrely might not be the solution.....it just means the activities they go to can be further away!
I have recently done a 3 hour round trip on a Friday evening after work and the same journey again on the Sunday to pick my 16 year old up from an activity.
My daughters friends live around a 20 minute drive away (so 20 mins there, faffing around time and 20 mins back takes me nearly an hour) then there are the weekly activities on top.
Mum's are expected to be everything to everyone. All of our modern conveniences have given us extra time to work and run around after everyone else for a few more hours a day!
I don't know what the solution is, just plan to hang on until they can get themselves where they need to be!

Get bikes.

What level is he at swimming? Can he swim lengths? I think by 10 if he is still struggling to swim then definitely look into private lessons. One of mine made so much more progress through private lessons. If he can swim enough (e.g. confident swimming lengths) then I would get him just swimming for fun with you when it suits you, on the weekend perhaps.