Kids after school activities exhausting - for me!

[prooses]

Anyone else find lugging kids around to after school activities absolutely draining?

We don't drive - so walk to school (and me back of course!) and I am a LP. So most weeks I do the school run 10 times a week (there and back, there and back!). Basically it's 4 miles a day minimum of walking before any activities./

I also add to this two weekly after school activities, and a Saturday morning one as well. For swimming which feels like the killer, I leave the house at 2.45 and get back about 5.15pm after we've walked there, done it and walked back with fairly heavy bags and kit etc. Then another one, another day and Saturday morning activity as well. This will add extra miles on the clock!

DC is happy doing these and they feel like the right amount of after school activities, some times we miss one of them out so it's not always every week all activities.

As he's an only child without another parent at home and we have no family to socialise with nor really have playdates so I think it's important for him to do them.

I just find the whole school run and activity juggling really exhausting!

Does anyone else find it tiring? Around all this I have to fit in all the housework, my own job and work, cooking, shopping, finding a little time for myself. It's a struggle and I am so tired.

I hope it gets easier in secondary...!!

As a working, no-car family; in general, it's a good idea to look for holiday childcare that offers a lot of activities, and spend your money on that, while keeping activities to a minimum during term time.

Cut down on activities? They don't have to do something every day

To those who say kids who do activities don't get down time. Yes, yes they do. In the other 4 hours available every day, the 24 hours awake every weekend, the 14 entire weeks of holidays, the 5 bank holidays. If your dc doesn't do activities, own the real reason, whatever that may be, and don't pretend to others and yourself that they need more down time.

It's too full on for the family if it's absolutely exhausting for OP. She shouldn't be running herself ragged so a 10 year old can do his 3rd weekly club.

Apologies for the cliche OP but you can't pour from an empty cup. You matter too. Even if he benefits from the 3rd activity, maybe he would be absolutely fine with only 2 activities and a slightly less shattered mum. If energy levels allow maybe some regular little trips out that aren't quite such a commitment - swimming for fun, ice-cream, walk out for the newspaper at the weekend. Build them up as little rituals so you spend a bit more time together off screens but without you having to jump through all these hoops.

I am taking my DD to an after school near our old home, so it's a 40 min tube journey (non-driver). Have to bring toddler in a carrier because the station has steps, and carry a scooter as the station is a 15 min walk from the venue. I do find that day in particular to be exhausting for me, especially as the class starts fairly late (for Reception age) so we don't get home until 6.15pm. But it's a progressive course that is widely renowned, and I will be switching to a different venue in September so hopefully things will improve.

I have another after school class which is just 15 min walking distance, and that's fine as I can push the toddler and older DD can use the buggy board. Still tiring with prepping ahead of time (she eats pasta in a food tin just before and after the class), organising kit, getting changed etc.

I'm lucky that I have a DH who takes the weekend activities, and the school does some good on-site activities so the rest of the time it's not so much effort.

I do like to encourage extra curricular activities though as it really helps widen your social circle, develops a range of skills and just encourages kids to be out of the house instead of being stuck inside or going to the same playgrounds all the time. It's hard work but it pays off.

Ok so he can’t cycle alone but could you cycle together? We live in London - big (though not fast) roads are everywhere and Im happy to cycle locally w youngest (yr 6 - have done this for at least a year). It speeds things up SO much to cycle not walk!

Thanks everyone who has been helpful - some good suggestions from the non-judgemental types :)

I'd love to learn to drive but there's no way I could afford lessons plus car plus running costs on my lone parent part time working income. And my busy city isn't great for parking (cost aside). It would be pretty pointless learning!

We do sometimes get the bus, but again, cost. Weirdly I find it more stressful than walking actually most of the time (noisy, busy, co-ordinating bus passes, bags, child, the general public etc) - prefer to walk!!

We live in a flat and while we do have bikes I have to carry them up and down two flights of stairs - and the city is not ideal for bicycling (heavy traffic etc). So while I'd love this option again it's not perfect.

I realise that I sound like I am making excuses. I don't think I have many ways around the situation. We don't know families that do the activities from school.

I think in a year or so we will be over the worst of it! I just need to stick at it another year. I've done 10 years now so one more to go!!

I love the idea of doing the swimming intensives though. Maybe we will try that one summer.

Op it sounds like a slog but just embrace it for now.
You are doing amazing ensuring your dc has these opportunities. All that walking is keeping you both fit. It's time you can just walk and chat.

How about listening to audiobooks, music or podcasts when you're doing the walks by yourself so you feel like you're doing something for you.

Sack off the swimming and do that together after his Saturday morning activity. So Saturday will be full on but fun and you claw back one of the evenings

@CoronationKicking that's a good idea to consider.

I think this y5/6 age is really busy. I've struggled with my two kids' activities and we're a two parent family. Mine are currently in Y3 and 6. They are able to do lots of things but still need parental support.

When you're looking at secondary schools look at their extra curricular offer, this will make your life easier if DC does lots of clubs at school.

@GeorgeSpeaks yes I think to some extent it comes with the territory of having a y5 child. It's just a busy age.

Agreed, we did this with our daughter and I nearly wept at all the cost/time/diesel/sweating in yucky changing rooms I did with my son over years to end up a worse swimmer than my daughter after about 8 private swimming lessons. It's a game changer, I tell you! I'm all for group and team activities but swimming just doesn't lend itself to it really, they are unlikely to make friends from it if they weren't already friends.

I think definitely secondary is so much easier. They are more independent and dropping the school run sometime in year 6 will help a lot.

@theleafandnotthetree good to get a second person agreeing with that point, I will definitely check out one to one lessons now it's been mentioned on this thread.

Yes to all of this!!

I done dance class of a Saturday morning but that was it and when I got into my teens I had to get myself there because mum and dad worked full time and it was their weekend too. I honestly don’t see an issue with this in hindsight as I had to manage bus schedules etc and was so much more independent than others.

I'm a swimming teacher. Sometimes, private lessons are absolutely brilliant - with the right child I can achieve in one lesson what they'd get out of 20 lessons. Sometimes, they're a waste of money. It depends completely on both where he's at and how he responds to input. So, my advice is, find an honest teacher who will tell you if you're wasting your money.

@arethereanyleftatall thank you, will definitely try this.

We have 5 kids and I don’t drive- my husband does do a lot of the pick up/drops off when he is about but it still feels like I’m in and out a lot. The activities annoy me a bit too- my kids do a couple of things after school and I dread dragging the wee ones out to let the big ones go. But it’s definitely much easier in the summer.

OP I hear you, I'm exhausted too. Very different circumstances as i have a car, and DH but 3 kids. We are lucky in that we live near the school and a lot of DDs activities are after school so I don't need to leave the house as she walks home. But between the 3 of them we have a weekly wall schedule and it's constant especially older DS who plays matches often a good drive away so DH is gone half the weekend. Dinner is often had in 3 sittings to meet different schedules and the various WhatsApp groups and emails are hard to stay on top of. But it's just a phase and I think we just have to put up with it as parents, exhausted or not.

If one of mine starts a new activity I'll look around for a familiar face or start a conversation with a parent. If they live nearby I will ask if they are interested in a car pool. People are usually grateful. I know you dont drive OP but something could be arranged like maybe you mind a child after school for a few hours once a week in return for your child being driven to 1 activity. Its worth being the one to ask, most of us mums are in the same boat.

Yes me too. Pre covid my kids were signed up to 3 classes a week. My goodness the amount of driving and waiting around, made me tired. I loved covid as we had a break from it all. I never bothered signing them up to anything again. They can both swim. Any expressed interests, would make me sign them up for clubs. But I felt as though they should go, even when they preferred to be at home.

thanks everyone! I definitely think he benefits from the activities, and it's better than looking at screens. Like I said, two weekday plus one saturday doesn't seem the height of excess to me. What does get awful is when we are all staring at screens all week and not seeing anyone. So whilst it's tiring there's a good reason we do it. But I do like the idea of maybe trying to find an alternative for the swimming if we can so I am a little less tired.

I'm trying to do the best by my kid on my own; facilitate fun where we don't have those family connections and friendships going on as well as support him in his own interests (artistic) which school seems to provide little opportunity for. So I think it is a necessary thing.

But hopefully working something out with swimming might make it a bit easier.

Is there any way you could keep the bikes locked outside? We live in a flat too and the bikes live outside, chained up. Some flats have bike storage lockers, but two heavy duty locks works fine for me. Planning a route to avoid the busiest roads/stick to back streets has meant that our 1 mile walk becomes a 10 minute bike ride, and takes much less time out of the day.

@MotherWol we could, but I'm loathed to leave them outside much of the year as I've lost a couple of bikes to rust and rain this way :(. Also in our city there are high crime rates for bike thefts.

but yes we do need to use them a bit more often so maybe on a nice day we could. there's no storage locker unfortunately or means to add one.

"When I was a kid pretty much no-one did after school stuff. We just kicked around playing with each other in our local neighbourhood, local woods and parks, parent free!"

Rubbish. Don't know when you grew up but kids definitely did swimming lessons, brownies, scouts, football, cricket, dancing...all the shit we do now back in the early 80s. We also played out doing the things you describe.

I was just looking back at photos from Gala day and every float was a scouts section or majorettes or a sports club or the various cadets you still get today.

Honestly, the kids of today will be saying "back in my day we were just left to it, never did all these clubs" etc. It's so easy to forget, especially when it gives you that stick to bash someone else with