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Original poster

Would you confront a friend who ghosted you?

125 replies

Enfys1982 · 13/05/2023 16:10

I think I’ve been ghosted by a friend and I can’t figure out why? We never argued or fell out, everything was fine then suddenly about a year ago for no apparent reason she started to contact me less and less and then just stopped responding to my texts altogether. She appears to have blocked me on What’s App and her phone number says it’s no longer recognised when I call. For a while I wondered if something awful has happened to her, and as she didn’t do social media so I couldn’t find her that way. Recently I was wondering about her again and typed her name and home town into Facebook and there she is. It’s definitely her. A newish account she only recently set up. She has her settings so only friends of friends can’t add her, but anyone can message her.

Anyway I really want to message her and ask her what I ever did to cause her to cut me off the way she did and if she knew how upsetting that has been for me. I honestly can’t ever imagine doing anything like that to a friend. I know some times friends drift apart but this is different. I feel like I need some kind of closure to try and understand why?

OP posts:
CadburyDream · 13/05/2023 16:19

No

Jinglybangly · 13/05/2023 16:23

I wouldn't. People just drift apart sometimes.

WateryDoom · 13/05/2023 16:25

No. I wouldn't. Her issues are hers - but if she's gone to the trouble to set up a new FB account I imagine it's not about you. It's something in her life.

Leave her be. If she wanted to contact you she would.

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Original poster
Enfys1982 · 13/05/2023 16:29

@Jinglybangly but we didn’t drift apart. She just literally stopped contacting me and responding to any messages. It was from end totally out of the blue.

OP posts:
CadburyDream · 13/05/2023 16:30

Maybe you did or said something to upset her and haven't realised 🤷

35965a · 13/05/2023 16:31

I would leave it. There’s a reason she’s ghosted you - most likely just to do with herself, but it’s done now and best to move on.

Inkpotlover · 13/05/2023 16:34

I wouldn't give her the satisfaction, OP. I was once ghosted twice by the same friend. The first time I contacted her and she made up some cock and bull story about how she hadn't meant to unfriend me from FB, wasn't sure how it happened, etc, then added me back. Six months later she did the same again and this time I didn't bother chasing. Then about three years later out of the blue I got a text from her, after a mutual friend told her I was going through a hard time. I didn't bother to reply, because by then I didn't care. Eventually you will feel the same, OP. You can try asking but I doubt you'll get a straight answer and it's better to cling to your dignity!

Papernotplastic · 13/05/2023 16:34

She doesn’t want to be in contact with you for whatever reason. Respect that.

Emmamoo89 · 13/05/2023 16:35

I wouldn't. Life gets in the way and people drift apart. The true ones who are meant to be in your life will stay no matter what. Never force a friendship x

Thisisthedawningoftheageofaquarius · 13/05/2023 16:37

Definitely not. She’s made her decision for whatever reason; it’s annoying but not in your control; you need to stop letting her live rent free in your head. If I met her I wouldn’t even let on that I’d noticed I’d been blocked (but that’s just me).

Laiste · 13/05/2023 16:41

If she didn't answer you, deleted your message or blocked you or asked you to leave her alone would it make you feel worse OP? Because there's a risk of this happening.

Just because you ask doesn't mean you'll get an answer. Or an answer you can settle with.

She might tell you something which upsets you even more. Something about you you'll wish you hadn't known.

Just think about ALL the different outcomes of asking and make sure you want to take the risk.

DannyZukosSmile · 13/05/2023 16:42

Really depends on how much I liked her and enjoyed her company. I would like to at least TRY to find out what I have done wrong!

GreenWheat · 13/05/2023 16:47

If some considerable time has elapsed, I would drop her a short message. Nothing heavy, just a hello and brief news. Things could have changed in her life now, you never know. She might not reply, but then again, she might.

Original poster
Enfys1982 · 13/05/2023 16:47

I’ve racked my brains and can’t think of anything I said or did. There was never a cross word between us. I’ve even looked back at texts. Everything was fine and normal and then suddenly it was like she vanished.

OP posts:
neilyoungismyhero · 13/05/2023 16:47

I kind of confronted a good friend who I previously worked with. We were very close. He didn't respond to any of my messages and when I finally had enough I rang him. He was super friendly. Said his phone wasn't receiving messages but he was sorting it. We chatted like old times. I asked if I'd upset him he said not. Same lovely friendship it seemed after the phone call.
Never heard from him again.
I got the message.

pilates · 13/05/2023 16:49

No, I wouldn’t. You have gone out of your way to find her when clearly she doesn’t want anything to do with you.

pilates · 13/05/2023 16:50

If you bumped into her in the street that would be different.

Fourpeasinapodcast · 13/05/2023 16:52

From someone who has been on the receiving end of someone tracking me down to ask why...leave her alone. She doesn't want contact with you, she has no interest in keeping in touch. She wants out and that is her prerogative. The reasons are her own. Respect that and move on.

blahblahblah1654 · 13/05/2023 16:53

It's frustrating not to know why, but for whatever reason they have decided they don't want any further contact with you. Best to leave it.

EineReiseDurchDieZeit · 13/05/2023 16:54

The person who has ghosted me and frankly been publicly very rude whilst doing it would come crawling if she thought I could offer something she needed - so I await the day it comes full circle really

Skybluepinky · 13/05/2023 16:57

No

Original poster
Enfys1982 · 13/05/2023 16:57

@Fourpeasinapodcast what were your reasons if you don’t mind me asking? I’ve no intention of actually tracking her down btw, just sending a message.

OP posts:
Blossombathing · 13/05/2023 16:57

Yes I would send her a nice message checking in. Maybe something has happened and it might be better to talk about it.

CreamTeaThievery · 13/05/2023 16:59

Do you live some distance apart? Could be that she had to focus on her "real" life and not distant friendships for a time.

ReallyShouldBeDoingSomethingElse · 13/05/2023 17:01

The reason I ghosted my friend was that I had tried to let the friendship naturally fizzle and she wouldn't get the message. In the end I felt like I had two options: a) ghost b) tell her all the reasons I was absolutely done with the friendship. I didn't want to do b) because I felt like it wouldn't be helpful to her at all and because I knew that she couldn't change the way she was behaving.
If she had allowed the friendship to drift, there's a chance we might have drifted closer again later on when we were in the next phase of our lives but for her there seemed to be now allowable sliding scale between declaring I was her 'best friend' and nothing.