I'm going to collect DS from Uni today

[Bluemuf]

He's dropping out. It was always going to be a big ask for him, he went just after his father died, but at the time a change of scenery was what he felt he needed.

He went late because of his dad's illness, so he's now 20, with no qualifications and no experience, poor MH and no social life.

He's refusing to take medication or to have counselling and spending all day on his computer. I "know" what he needs to do, I'd like to put him on a programme of personal care, fresh air and exercise alongside getting involved in the community , reconnecting with friends, finding work and accepting some medical help, but as an adult, how do I make it happen? He will find all of that way outside his comfort zone and whilst I can encourage, I can't make him, especially when I'll be out at work. I know he has to do it when he's ready, but what happens meantime?

It really is very distressing to see the state he's in, the shadow of himself he's become.

He’s back where he (for now) belongs x

Maybe he didn’t have the time, space or support to grieve his father and he might be better placed to do that in the loving familiar environment of his home. Keep listening into him he might have a lot to process and express. He’s doing great by being so practical. It’s a great start. You’ve all been through so much.

I’m so sorry for your loss.
In my widows group a young lad of 19/ 20, first term in Uni ( he’d had a gap year) and his dad died suddenly. There were a lot of wobbles I remember but eventually he graduated, got a job he loved and met his future wife.
You’re doing all you can, and supporting your ds and showing him you’ll both get through this is the best thing you can do.