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Original poster

How many people do you really, really trust?

123 replies

fuzzywindows · 12/05/2023 07:54

I'm in the middle of a really horrible and difficult situation at the moment and because of the sensitivities I'm really careful about what I say and to whom I say it. Dawned on me last night that I have two friends who I know would never, ever betray me. Or at least I can't imagine a scenario where that would ever happen.

We have relationships that stretch back over 30 years and have been through some huge life experiences together...births, deaths, divorces etc. We've been there for each other through the worst times of our lives. I've got other friends too but I'd say only two that I could trust with my most private thoughts/feelings.

Just wondering about others. Is this common or do most people have a wider group of friends that they could 'trust with their lives'?

OP posts:
DustyLee123 · 12/05/2023 07:55

I only trust my father. My DH has lied to me, so trust has gone tnere.

TheChosenTwo · 12/05/2023 07:56

2 people! Just 2 that I’d trust my life with.

GreeboIsMySpiritAnimal · 12/05/2023 07:57

My husband and my mum.

Goodread1 · 12/05/2023 07:59

Actually I think you are just blessed to have a couple of good friends who are trust worthy @fuzzywindows

I think even just having one friend who is trust worthy in life is a real bonus frankly...

Or
Just one person whoever it is a obviously a bonus in life , whether family member or a friend ect...

golddustwomen · 12/05/2023 08:02

I trust no one. Everyone in my life has at some point betrayed or lied to me. I wish I had a friend I could trust with my life, you're lucky op.

LunaNorth · 12/05/2023 08:03

Absolutely nobody. Not even myself.

In my eyes, ‘trust’ means ‘believing that someone will behave in exactly the way you want them to, at all times’, for me, that’s totally unrealistic. Who’s to say that the way I want people to behave is even the right way?

I have people I can rely on, that I love dearly, and who haven’t let me down so far. But I don’t know how they’d behave in extremis.

I counter my mistrustfulness with being very forgiving, but I do have a line.

Jellycatspyjamas · 12/05/2023 08:08

I have 7/8 people made up of very good friends and family members. I count myself very fortunate, some live at a distance so can’t offer day to day practical support - which I don’t have a lot of - but would be there in an instant if I needed them and are utterly trustworthy.

gardendream · 12/05/2023 08:19

I think your vulnerability to betrayal depends on how much you trust yourself.

CosmosQueen · 12/05/2023 08:21

None. Zero. Definitely not my husband or my now dead parents. Nor my sisters. Possible my son if absolutely necessary but not my DD.

daffodilandtulip · 12/05/2023 08:23

Two.

My oldest school friend who we just know everything and never judge (even if we do tell each other off sometimes!)

My oldest work friend (met at work, don't work together now) who we've just survived so much together and got each other out of the shit endlessly

Incidentally, these were the only people who left stuff on my doorstep in good old isolation days...

Maddy70 · 12/05/2023 08:25

I have a great set of friends also my adult children and my husband.
I trust my mum but she offers advice that was of her generation and understanding

Whatthediddlyfeck · 12/05/2023 08:27

My parents when I had them-everything they did in life was for my sister and me, these days my husband and sister

UtterlyUnimaginativeUsername · 12/05/2023 08:33

No-one. Everyone I'm close to has lied to me multiple times.

SpringCherryPie · 12/05/2023 08:34

I couldn’t trust anyone that much, so in a way you are lucky!

I don’t know why you use the word ‘betray’ - is this something you never want ‘getting out’?

I have a great family and fantastic friends. But I’d trust no-one with my life, or with secrets. I do have some people in my inner circle who would probably never tell others, and most likely support me - but not 100%. That is because sometimes secrets are not good to keep, and sometimes I might need telling I’m wrong. And sometimes they are not always ‘on side’ with me because I guess we are not an army, we are relationships and that means they won’t always see my POV.

I had a friend who got really cross with me as she told me stuff about her and I felt strongly that she needed to act. She saw that as a ‘betrayal’ as I should have ‘just listened’. But a true friend also bring their own opinions.

MistyFrequencies · 12/05/2023 08:35

My husband, my parents, my siblings. So 8 people. No one else.

MorrisZapp · 12/05/2023 08:36

All of my family.

Two very good friends.

A handful of work colleagues.

Most healthcare professionals.

A random friend of a friend who is the absolute soul of discretion.

BeverlyBrook · 12/05/2023 08:39

None.
Noone.

BitOutOfPractice · 12/05/2023 08:39

DP, Mom, sister, BiL, about 2-3 friends, DD1, myself

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 12/05/2023 09:28

Dh, siblings, dds, and just a couple of very close friends.

XelaM · 12/05/2023 09:33

My parents are the only people in the world I trust completely with absolutely anything

pizzaHeart · 12/05/2023 09:34

No, I don’t trust anyone except my DH. And Im not even talking about big life and death matters, I’m talking about serious but lesser problems e.g in my family life or with my child’s health. So you are very lucky that you have two people.

Skybluepinky · 12/05/2023 09:46

4, but 2 of those live abroad.

PuttingDownRoots · 12/05/2023 09:51

My best friend
My husband
My mother in law
My brother
My dad
My mother...sort of. Not because she's untrustworthy, but because she has a habit of making any problem about her rather than supporting the person.

PaintingTheSky · 12/05/2023 09:53

My husband, my parents, my adult kids and my siblings.

Jellycatspyjamas · 12/05/2023 09:56

In my eyes, ‘trust’ means ‘believing that someone will behave in exactly the way you want them to, at all times’, for me, that’s totally unrealistic. Who’s to say that the way I want people to behave is even the right way?

I have a different definition of trust. For me trust is knowing that someone has my best interests at heart, that they’ll keep my confidence, that if they think I’m about to walk of a proverbial cliff they’ll tell me that but they’ll stand by me even if they disagree with my decision making. Support doesn’t mean agreeing with me, gentle challenge is incredibly supportive - if they can’t be honest with me, there’s no trust.