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Original poster

How many people do you really, really trust?

123 replies

fuzzywindows · 12/05/2023 07:54

I'm in the middle of a really horrible and difficult situation at the moment and because of the sensitivities I'm really careful about what I say and to whom I say it. Dawned on me last night that I have two friends who I know would never, ever betray me. Or at least I can't imagine a scenario where that would ever happen.

We have relationships that stretch back over 30 years and have been through some huge life experiences together...births, deaths, divorces etc. We've been there for each other through the worst times of our lives. I've got other friends too but I'd say only two that I could trust with my most private thoughts/feelings.

Just wondering about others. Is this common or do most people have a wider group of friends that they could 'trust with their lives'?

OP posts:
Lemonclub88 · 12/05/2023 10:00

No one. DD is way too young but when she's older I hope to have a mother daughter relationship that I wish I could have with my own mother.

IHeartGeneHunt · 12/05/2023 10:01

One, and she's not a family member.

readingismycardio · 12/05/2023 10:02

2 people. My mom and my DH

Reasonableadjustments · 12/05/2023 10:02

My partner and my very best friend who i have known for almost 50 years and is literally like family.

Shintyhappypeople · 12/05/2023 10:11

4, my husband and closest family members.
My mum is always my first port of call for advice though, she is so level headed and has a very calming way about her. She was a midwife maybe that's why.

SargentSagittarius · 12/05/2023 10:17

Mumsnet is a window into another world for me.

The lives and dramas that people describe on here are so very different from my low-drama life populated by nice, balanced, reasonable people. I’m neither low, nor no contact, with anyone.

I trust all the close people in my life. But it’s not really something I have to think about, because I don’t have any Big Dramas going on that I have to <swivels head to see who might be listening> tell people about in the strictest confidence.

Greenfairydust · 12/05/2023 10:33

At this stage I trust no one. And I never will again.

I learned this the hard way.

In the past few years I was betrayed by so many people:

  • so called best friend of 14 years ghosted me after something trivial (I did not have time to run an errand for her as I had Covid)
  • male friend of 6 years sexually assaulted me
  • I finally realised how toxic some of my relatives were and had to cut contact with them.

I had therapy last year to help me realise that I had made bad choices in term of who I allowed in my life and that I was always bending backwards to be nice and respectful of others but did not get the same courtesy back.

So now I only let people in my life as acquaintances. I have no interest in letting anyone else get close.

Very few people can be trusted in my opinion and the majority of people will always put their own interests first.

steppemum · 12/05/2023 12:10

I do think this depends on what you mean by trust.
Trust exists at several levels.

trust someone to keep a secret? Actually a I have a lot of those people

trust someone with my innermost thoughts and feelings. Just one or two. (dh and 2 friends)

trust someone to have my best interests at heart and not behave like a bastard?
Quite a lot of those, family and friends, generally all round nice people.

trust someone to generally behavie in the way I expect them to based on their personality and what I know of them? Loads of people. But it isn't always positive, I know THIS person has a tendancy to be selfish so I am not surprised when they are!

But I agree with a PP. My life is not full of drama, and my friends a good solid people! Ordinary life.

Dwightlovesmichael · 12/05/2023 12:28

Absolutely no one.

Minierme · 12/05/2023 12:31

Maybe 5 people - half family, half friends.

Ambi · 12/05/2023 12:33

No one. I've been let down by everyone and one point or another. DH is my closest ally and even then I couldn't trust him 100%. We are only human, I don't myself 100% to not do stupid shit now and again.

Backtonormalatlast · 12/05/2023 12:35

All of my family
About 6 good friends who are not part of a group so no risk of gossiping .

SkaneTos · 12/05/2023 12:37

I am sorry about your difficult situation, OP! I hope everything will work out for you.

I am lucky to have about 10 people in my life that I really really trust. 4 family members, and 6 really good friends.

IfICouldIStillWouldNot · 12/05/2023 12:51

It's tricky. I would say that when it really comes down to it most people will do what is I their own best interest even when it hurts others. I don't trust anyone to put me first and why should they? After being hurt and disappointed and those who should have loved and cared for me (parents, friends. DH) I have decided to look at it as inevitable part of being human (rather than taking it personally). People are selfish, it's just how it is. I have also made the decision to not reward disappointing people with my loyalty going forward, I won't be considering their feelings when I make my own life choices.

minkymini · 12/05/2023 12:53

I trust no one but myself . It's human nature to want to share a secret . Of course your going to tell somebody your close to . If you want to keep something a secret keep it to yourself.

VenusClapTrap · 12/05/2023 12:54

Lots of people. I have many very good and reliable friends. My family is small and we have our differences, but there’s nobody I’m distrustful of. If push came to shove, I know they’d all support me and have my best interests at heart. I’m a pretty open person though so I’ve never needed anyone to keep secrets for me, or worried about betrayal. As a pp said, this to me is a very odd and dramatic word to use in connection with family and friends.

Dacadactyl · 12/05/2023 12:56

3 people, none of them friends. Mine would be my dad, my husband and my sister. My mum and aunt would feature (as would a couple of friends) in certain circumstances.

But in all circumstances, only my dad, husband and sister could be trusted to the highest levels.

minkymini · 12/05/2023 12:57

Greenfairydust · 12/05/2023 10:33

At this stage I trust no one. And I never will again.

I learned this the hard way.

In the past few years I was betrayed by so many people:

  • so called best friend of 14 years ghosted me after something trivial (I did not have time to run an errand for her as I had Covid)
  • male friend of 6 years sexually assaulted me
  • I finally realised how toxic some of my relatives were and had to cut contact with them.

I had therapy last year to help me realise that I had made bad choices in term of who I allowed in my life and that I was always bending backwards to be nice and respectful of others but did not get the same courtesy back.

So now I only let people in my life as acquaintances. I have no interest in letting anyone else get close.

Very few people can be trusted in my opinion and the majority of people will always put their own interests first.

Spot on brilliant post that I totally get . I can look back on my life and I can see I should have booted people out of my life a lot sooner . Some I should never have let in . I now trust my instincts if I had of done years ago it would have saved me a lot of heartache.

Laffinalltheway · 12/05/2023 13:27

None.

I once got let down by the person closest to me, so now I trust no one. It feels like once I got let down by that one person, if I can't trust them, there's no hope for anyone else. I won't allow myself to have trust in anyone ever again.

YouNeverSeeTheRealMe · 12/05/2023 13:42

I trust 3 people -

my husband of 43 years, and our 2 sons

IfDreamsWereWings · 12/05/2023 13:46

None.
Every person I have ever trusted have betrayed me in huge ways. The rest are all gossips.

AndrexPuppy · 12/05/2023 13:48

None. Not completely.

MyFaceIsAnAONB · 12/05/2023 13:50

Just my husband really.

Depends what you mean by betray. I wouldn’t trust anyone to not talk about me to others. Other than DH.

Enoughisenouff · 12/05/2023 14:00

I have 1/2 friends who I would trust to keep my business private and 1/2 more that I know would help me in a crisis just because they are genuinely good people ( though one couldn’t keep a secret if you paid her)

KleineDracheKokosnuss · 12/05/2023 14:01

DH. That’s it.

i trust other family to a degree, but there’s a limit.