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Original poster

How many people do you really, really trust?

123 replies

fuzzywindows · 12/05/2023 07:54

I'm in the middle of a really horrible and difficult situation at the moment and because of the sensitivities I'm really careful about what I say and to whom I say it. Dawned on me last night that I have two friends who I know would never, ever betray me. Or at least I can't imagine a scenario where that would ever happen.

We have relationships that stretch back over 30 years and have been through some huge life experiences together...births, deaths, divorces etc. We've been there for each other through the worst times of our lives. I've got other friends too but I'd say only two that I could trust with my most private thoughts/feelings.

Just wondering about others. Is this common or do most people have a wider group of friends that they could 'trust with their lives'?

OP posts:

Season0fTheWitch · 12/05/2023 17:02

5 people- My husband, 3 best friends, SIL.
I've never been let down by them and Can't imagine it happening.

Fairyliz · 12/05/2023 17:03

IfICouldIStillWouldNot · 12/05/2023 12:51

It's tricky. I would say that when it really comes down to it most people will do what is I their own best interest even when it hurts others. I don't trust anyone to put me first and why should they? After being hurt and disappointed and those who should have loved and cared for me (parents, friends. DH) I have decided to look at it as inevitable part of being human (rather than taking it personally). People are selfish, it's just how it is. I have also made the decision to not reward disappointing people with my loyalty going forward, I won't be considering their feelings when I make my own life choices.

I think this is a very wise post. All humans are inherently selfish we wouldn’t have survived as a race if we weren’t.
Those who think they are not haven’t been put to the test yet.

Missingmyusername · 12/05/2023 17:04

DM (my father has passed) DH and a ride or die friend, plus DDog!

BuffyTheCat · 12/05/2023 17:16

I trust most people, up to a point. I have quite low expectations so I don’t expect most people to keep my secrets or be available in an emergency. Fortunately I don’t have many secrets or emergencies.

The one thing I can’t tolerate is being lied to about things that are important to me. I think there are 2 or 3 people I trust never to do that.

Zola1 · 12/05/2023 17:18

Just 2, my dad and my sister

Mariposista · 12/05/2023 17:37

My mum, and my dear gran until she died last month.

SLagoon · 12/05/2023 17:40

Husband, mum, grandpa, best friend.

Original poster

fuzzywindows · 12/05/2023 20:09

SargentSagittarius · 12/05/2023 10:17

Mumsnet is a window into another world for me.

The lives and dramas that people describe on here are so very different from my low-drama life populated by nice, balanced, reasonable people. I’m neither low, nor no contact, with anyone.

I trust all the close people in my life. But it’s not really something I have to think about, because I don’t have any Big Dramas going on that I have to <swivels head to see who might be listening> tell people about in the strictest confidence.

@SargentSagittarius I think this is a good point!

I don't have any particular major life dramas but I went through a very dark time of depression after a sudden bereavement and there was only a small handful of people I wanted to share that with.

One of my trusted friends also went through a divorce after her husband left her suddenly for someone else, having also accumulated loads of debt . Her life imploded overnight and I sat with her on the floor as the debt collectors removed furniture from their home. She's since rebuilt her life, but those are the kind of rare, vulnerable moments I'm talking about. There's not that many friends who you would invite into a situation like that.

OP posts:

90stalgia · 12/05/2023 20:11

No one, not even myself.

Original poster

fuzzywindows · 12/05/2023 20:14

For those who are wondering about my use of the word 'betray' then ok, it is a bit of a dramatic word 😂

There's no deep dark secrets, honestly!! What I mean by that, is these are the people I'd trust to not judge me or the people I'd trust to not 'accidentally' leak something to someone else. I know 100% that they're the people who'd always be there, as would I for them.

OP posts:

GoodnightJude1 · 12/05/2023 20:17

My husband, my mum, my step dad and my DC. I trust them all completely.

Everyone else….not so much.

TicketBoo · 12/05/2023 20:19

I trust one of my siblings implicitly

No one else though!

Supersimkin2 · 12/05/2023 20:20

Mustardandchickensandwiches · 12/05/2023 20:22

Depends on what kind of trust you mean.

My life? 6
My secrets? 0

MagpieCastle · 12/05/2023 20:23

3 close friends, 2 sibs, husband. People that are totally trusted without any fear of judgement. There are others that I would trust to be there in moments of need/crisis but the former are my beloved warts-and-all crew.

Samsonsmum · 12/05/2023 20:25

My husband. My mother before she died

RenegadeMasterx · 12/05/2023 20:31

I only trust my grandad. He's 83 and we can talk about absolutely anything and everything. The thought of him not being around chokes me as he's the only person I can truly confide in ☹️

Azealeasinbloom · 12/05/2023 20:33

My mum when she was alive; my sister; and one very close friend whom I have known for 40+ years.
DH? Well he has never let me down, but I don’t find trust easy, and I read some terrible things here, so no, not entirely.

Lioney · 12/05/2023 20:33

No one.

PeaceLilyCactus · 12/05/2023 20:35

My mum and my sister. When I was in my 20s and 30s I would have listed close friends too, and I have some good friends. But when I was very ill a few years ago, I realised my friendships didn’t have the strength I needed to help me recover.

Iguessyourestuckwithme · 12/05/2023 20:40

Having faced my Annus horriblis last year where I was in the darkest depths across a whole year I found out that my friends were exactly who I thought they were and some other acquaintances stepped up too.

I now know that I can rely and trust these people explicitly in my darkest hours. I am very lucky and in fact just before and during the Annus horribilis there were times I doubted my relationships and what they meant to the other person.

MWNA · 12/05/2023 20:41

One. My daughter.

weegiemum · 12/05/2023 20:42

My dh
My dad and stepmum
My best friends (2)
Dh's best friend (also very close friend of mine).

Everyone else - not so much. Mil would be offended that's she's not on the list, but she'd always (rightly) put dh first and so I can't fully trust her. My dc are all young adults, so supportive but not yet old enough to be fully relied on, though I think they'd be unhappy I think this, I'm still trying to protect them from the hard points of life.

Academic anyway, as I don't currently have anything I need support with.

Ohfgsjon · 12/05/2023 20:43

No one. Parents died, best friend died and ex turned out to be a twat. No other relatives and I have a few friends but none who I could guarantee would never lie or let me down.

AndrexPuppy · 12/05/2023 20:50

@SargentSagittarius. I too live a quiet, normal, drama-free adult life but still gave a ‘no-one’ type response. My trust issues are based on childhood trauma. The people in my life now are good people, I’m just programmed not to let my guard down.

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