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Original poster

Is this language acceptable in a school?

111 replies

Moreoften · 10/05/2023 13:06

Just need some perspective as I'm not from Englad originally.

DD (5) in Reception had an international week at school. One of the days they had to come dressed in their country's national dress or flag etc. DD's dad is English but I thought DD can wear something that's related to my country. I didn't have a national dress and quite frankly I didn't bother doing much about it as I was busy and didn't want to buy (once again) something she'll wear once or twice.

On the morning she went to school I dressed DD in clothes that represented the 3 colours of my national flag. She looked lovely and I was pleased with my creativity.

DD came back from school and I asked her what did her teacher think of her costume, she said the teacher said she wasn't fancy! I said what did she mean? She said: 'The teacher said I had to go in the back row as my costume wasn't fancy'. Well, it turned out the teacher was trying to take a picture of the class and DD was standing in the front, so she asked her and other kids (who weren't 'fancy') to go at the back so that the 'fancy' costumes were in the front. It all made sense when I saw the picture on Tapestry.

But then I'm thinking is this an appropriate language to use with 4 and 5 year olds? 🤔 . To make little kids feel like they are not appreciated as much because they don't have a 'fancy' costume? It's not our case thankfully, but what if some parents can't afford a 'fancy' costume. I found the language and comparing of the costumes a bit odd but maybe that's because I'm not English?

(All for a picture on Tapestry).

It's not the first time when a parent finds her choice of language a bit inappropriate.

OP posts:
ItsCalledAConversation · 10/05/2023 13:08

Goodness, I expected a thread about a teacher explaining all the swear words to the reception class “a is for asshole, b is for bitch” or something. I think you might need to let this one go and use your brain a bit here.

skippy67 · 10/05/2023 13:10

Could the teacher have said fancy dress, rather than " fancy"? And someone would have had to stand at the back unless all the kids were in a face on line.

Theimpossiblegirl · 10/05/2023 13:10

They might have meant fancy dress, so full costumes.

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5 year olds General education Primary education
Iminthemoneylife · 10/05/2023 13:10

The word is fine. Telling a child you want them to stand at the back because their outfit isn’t as good as someone else isn’t acceptable.

Treasureboxkey · 10/05/2023 13:11

Did she perhaps mean that dd wasn't in fancy dress?

My DD hated fancy dress and used to go to every nursery dress up day in her party frock, because it was her 'fancy dress.'
It made sense in her 4yr old brain.

Topseyt123 · 10/05/2023 13:16

I couldn't get het up over any of that. I don't think it was inappropriate.

Were there perhaps other reasons for asking your DD to stand at the back, like her being one of the taller ones there, so she would need to be behind the smaller ones so that she didn't block the view of them?

grapehyacinthisactuallyblue · 10/05/2023 13:19

quite frankly I didn't bother doing much about it as I was busy and didn't want to buy (once again) something she'll wear once or twice.

This says it all. It's not other parents' fault that they put effort in to dress their children in something special. Not fancy maybe is a wrong word to use towards little children when explaining, but teacher wanted to take photos celebrating different cultures, it makes sense to bring those children to the front.

WandaWonder · 10/05/2023 13:21

You have a problem with fancy? Seriously?

I too was expecting some long swear word ladden rant

GalileoHumpkins · 10/05/2023 13:24

Unless she shouted 'get to the back you unfancy fuckers' then I think you're being ridiculous.

Bbq1 · 10/05/2023 13:57

Teacher clearly said Fancy dress

Sirzy · 10/05/2023 14:00

Putting the children in costumes at the front makes sense surely?

MissyB1 · 10/05/2023 14:05

GalileoHumpkins · 10/05/2023 13:24

Unless she shouted 'get to the back you unfancy fuckers' then I think you're being ridiculous.

🤣🤣

danni0509 · 10/05/2023 14:10

GalileoHumpkins · 10/05/2023 13:24

Unless she shouted 'get to the back you unfancy fuckers' then I think you're being ridiculous.

🤣🤣🤣🤣 absolutely love it.

FinallyHere · 10/05/2023 14:13

It would have been showcasing the 'fancy dress' costumes.

If you don't make it any big deal, your DD will pick up your cues from you.

Don't make any kind of fuss about it, your DD will pick up on it, which is exactly how it should be. Someone has to be further back. No biggie.

peachescariad · 10/05/2023 14:17

seriously???? how do get through a normal day.....🙄

Felucia · 10/05/2023 14:20

In the UK, " fancy dress" is the term for wearing costumes. That's all, no insult intended.

DappledThings · 10/05/2023 14:21

Fancy dress means costumes. I remember picking this up when David Schwimmer was asked in a random UK silly interview what he would wear to a fancy dress party and bemusedly said "a tuxedo" as that was fancy. Rather than what he would wear to what he would know as a costume party which was what was being asked.

I assume teacher said fancy dress rather than fancy as in special.

SeasonFinale · 10/05/2023 14:21

I think your daughter or you have misunderstood. She was dressed in normal clothes albeit in colours to represent another country , not "fancy dress". Fancy dress is a term for actual costumes.

So it wasn't because she wasn't fancy enough merely she wasn't wearing a costume

Fifthtimelucky · 10/05/2023 16:08

I think this was fine, given that the OP's child was dressed in normal clothes. Other children were wearing more interesting/unusual clothing and I can see why the teacher thought the photo would be better if they were given more prominence.

More generally, I think describing a dress or other item of clothing as "fancy" is fine. But a number of posters have referred to "fancy dress". I think that if a child had worn a (relevant to them) traditional national costume the term "fancy dress" would have been very inappropriate. For me "fancy dress" implies that you are dressing up as something or someone that you are not - the very opposite of what was wanted here.

AngryPrincess · 10/05/2023 23:12

If the teacher didn’t know what the colours in your flag are, and it was just ordinary clothes, the teacher may not have realised that your child was wearing something special. So, she might have just been taking a photo of the special outfits. Ask her.

PriamFarrl · 10/05/2023 23:16

She was most likely referring to fancy dress. But even if she wasn’t your child’s clothes weren’t fancy.

AliceMcK · 10/05/2023 23:24

Going against the grain of giving op grief, I think the teacher could have handled it better, taken photos and then moved some kids around for more. My DDs school do this so the kids who can’t have their faces on any social media don’t feel left out.

I also don’t think it’s wrong just sending kids in the colours of the flag rather than full fancy dress.

id personally say something, not complain but explain your dd was upset and you want to clarify what happened.

SomethingNastyInTheGenePool · 11/05/2023 10:28

I agree with PPs that the teacher was talking about not being in fancy dress rather than that the clothes weren’t fancy.
But — I do think it’s a bit mean to make 5-year-olds stand at the back because of this. The teacher could have taken a couple of photos, moving the kids around in between.

HowToLearnToLoveMyself · 11/05/2023 10:56

Of course they want the kids that have made more effort at the front.
Im sure she meant as in fancy dress.
You didnt want to make an effort.

However i do understand its often 1 thing after another with stuff.
Dd has had 4 different dress-up days since xmas.

lifeturnsonadime · 11/05/2023 11:03

Honestly this is nothing to get worked up about. I'd bet she meant fancy dress and didn't know your daughters clothes represented the colours of your national flag.

Really no big deal.

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