Am I being horrible to say I'm envious of the stay at home mummy's

[pollyflickthekettkeon]

I'm just in from work. I'm tired after having little sleep after DD was complaining of a sore head last night (3am) I'm trying to get lunches/ breakfast/ myself ready for work and get my kids ready for school. I'm so tired. Anyway long story short, I, along with lots of parents are in a group chat with other parents from the school. Today whilst I was tired, busy and running on empty I kept getting alerts from all mums that's don't work ( some single parents, some with partners in decent income ) talking about meeting up for breakfast and going on a shopping day. I'm not overly friendly but I know these people well through the years of school pick ups etc. all nice people. But I've decided that I'm miserable bitch because I'm so cheesed off that they have all this wonderful, leisurely time to do fun stuff and I'm exhausted working and having nothing to show for it lol 😆

Anyone else like this today lol

I don't know many people who survived their career as SAHM with mental health intact. Most very happy to get back to the low paid work they do because they were out of the work force for so long.

I'm not in a well off area so I'm sure there are more yummy mummy types who are supported by their spouse and offload the dc either to school or nursery and then spend nice days at the gym and seeing friends or take up hobbies. I don't feel jealous of them because I'm happy doing my thing and there's no point feeling envy. There are many more better off than me, and I am better off than others.

It depends. When I was a SAHM my best friend was as well so we used to go shopping and have breakfast or lunch etc. nothing fancy but after years of working before having children I really loved it. I went back to work once the kids were at seniors (my friend never returned to work). Aside from the fact I didn’t like having to rely on someone else’s money I loved being at home.

I was thinking the exact same today while I was sat in work. I even said I just don't want to work. I'm so tired, fed up & the thought of getting ready and actually going to work makes me depressed. But I'm a homebody anyway. I would love to be a sahm.

Not me. I went back to work when my baby was 3 months, I found maternity leave dull and like the balance of working full time as well as spending time with my baby, enjoying hobbies and exercising.

Nope. I'm running on empty after an incredibly busy few months at work. Work full time, two young DC in primary school. Struggling to get through homework, piano practice, various classes, housework, admin...and catching up on work. Friend who has similar aged DC doesn't work and has endless capacity and energy for homework, crafting and fun things.

That said, I do love my job and couldn't imagine not working. Five days a week is brutal though, was four days but recently upped it. Not sure how long I can sustain it though...

I class SAHM as a parent to who looks after a child who isn't in school full or hard of the day. I'd class a parent with school age children as unemployed.

Sorry that should say half and not sure where the to came from!

Yep. I’m a widowed immigrant who works 60 hour weeks (I know, even I think I sound made up) and I’m lucky enough to have excellent paid childcare and a career I love but sometimes I do wonder if it would be nice to be able to decide at the school gates “yeah, let’s go for coffee!” Instead of sprinting off to work and hoping nobody asks me to do PTA things.

I don't envy SAHMs who have pre school age kids at home.. that is hard work 🤣. But def don't understand women with school aged kids not working.. and to be honest I wouldn't wanna hang around with them if I had 'free' time that didn't involve the kids.

'Couldn't do it every day though. Value my sanity, salary and identity outside of mummy.'

I think it is unfair to say this. There will be plenty of SAHM's whoever value their sanity and identity. On the other hand there will be those that work with poor mental health etc. You can't make sweeping generalisations like that.

I'm a sahm and I'm mostly happy with it, although I'm not particularly sociable so don't do yummy mummy lunches. There's a real lack of status with it though and people (especially where we are in London) automatically assume you're working. Often I just let them assume I do. I do get envious of those with prestigious careers although in reality I don't think I would ever be successful in that sort of job even if I were working full time, and I wouldn't like the opportunity cost of missing out on time with the dc.

I do like having control of my time though and time with the dcs after school and during school holidays.

I loved being a sahm until eldest went to school then working pt as became a lone parent too.

Met now dh and became a sahm for another 8 years, some before our dc born as hated my job then rest.

I now wfh, in a job 3x the pay i was on for far less hours, i get to pick the hours and do all school runs and activities, sick days etc. I also do all house stuff because i enjoy it.
I could go out daily for lunch /breakfast /coffees. But that would borw the shit out of me. I only speak to maybe 4 parents at the school and have the group chat on mute.

Oh wow @HowToLearnToLoveMyself was it difficult to get to such a highly paid job after being out for so long? You've done so well.

FFS. 🙄 Why do I have to justify every bloody thing to judgemental people that I do not know.

I’m not yet a single parent, but I’m getting the practice in, for sure. My husband is very ill and will not recover, so I have had to pick up all of his responsibilities. He did used to be a very hard worker, both inside and outside of the home and has only very recently deteriorated. I don’t speak to my family, but I have good friends - nonetheless, my support network is light.
We are fortunate with money and I have recently been put in touch with charities.

I’ll miss my husband so don’t slay him off before he’s even gone. I’m NCing now.

I'm a sahm mum and miss work so much. I get no weekend or holiday.

But, I get to spend my days with my youngest two. I don't have to worry about them being ill and missing work. The school holiday nightmare has gone.

I don't however spend my days going to brunch or shopping! I also hate people so we generally stay at home 😂

I didn't take that as a sweeping generalisation. She says she values her sanity, salary and identity.

I feel the same way which is also why I couldn't be a SAHM but of course not every SAHM is going to have poor mental health.

@CalpolDependant I am sorry to offend you but you didn’t put any of that context.

The grass is always greener 😁

For me personally, working 3 days and being at home 2, was the absolute perfect balance when my dc were young. I felt I was doing a good job at home and at work and I was energised, enthusiastic and happy in both roles.

I'm not sure why a school mums WhatsApp group would be wanting to arrange shopping and breakfast dates. Isn't that something you'd do with friends?

I know on MN everyone is horrified at the thought, but people do become friends with mums they meet at the school gate.

I’m a sahm and admit to occasionally shopping and brunching😂but not often as all my close friends work and I haven’t really made any other sahm-friends - I think I’m a bit of an outlier nowadays.
I do sometimes feel like my brain has turned to mush though - you don’t get much intellectual stimulation being at home with dcs all day.

I really admire my friends who are working mums - I don’t know how you do it. The thought of working 40+ hours on top of all the household/childcare stuff - I can’t imagine it.

It's so unfortunate that the OP's wish for an easier day today has turned into that usual mumsnet bunfight of working mums looking down their noses at SAHP. If only everyone just accepted that people can make other choices to them or simply have no choice whether it's because they need to work or need to not work - whatever the reason.

Sorry you have had a rough time @pollyflickthekettkeon and hope you get some well deserved down time soon.

Then that's what you need to focus on when they're titivating around having lunch, and I say that as a SAHP, albeit one who feels a bit stuck after 7 years. I'd love to be back on my old salary with adult company, but I dint know how we'd manage holiday cover with two 3 year olds and an older one. Term time is so few and far between.
Neither is better, they're just mostly what we have to do for now

Nice bit of casual sexism from PPs with the "yummy mummy" shite. They're just women hanging out with their mates FFS 🙄 When I was a SAHM I occasionally used to meet up with friends (some of whom I met through our older kids at the school gates) and we'd go for breakfast or something. I don't know how that "sounds terrible" to anyone. How could it, without having made massive assumptions and judgements about the women concerned based on nothing but their sex and employment status?

OP, YANBU to feel envious. It's just human nature and it's hard when you have specific difficulties at certain stages of your life and it looks like another person is sailing through unaffected. But it never pays to compare yourself to others. You don't know their situation really or the reason why they don't do paid work, the challenges they face privately. Maybe the grass is not greener.